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Overcoming adversity through Buddhism?
Ok, so let me preface this by saying this is not the only reason I come to the practice of Buddhism. I have always had a deep interest and respect for the philosophy and practice, but it wasn't until the last year or so that I have decided to take refuge in the Three Gems. I am 47 now. The beauty and logic of the Eightfold Path simply awes me and while I am nowhere near where I would like to be, I am trying to gain a full understanding.
I have led a rough life. I grew up moving from one small town to another in the mid-west. I had an extremely rough childhood and a some things happened that I won't bore you with. I don't want this to become a sob story so I will just leave it at this: A lot of shit went on that people should have been arrested for, but they weren't. Pretty much every form of abuse a person can suffer was there. Physical, mental, sexual, you name it and it was present. It wasn't just at home either. It ALL came from all angles. School, church, friends, were part of that cycle of abuse. If you really need a hint, I remember peeling cat feces off of a shirt so I could wear it to school. Also, while I am not quite certain of it, I am told that as a child I was super-intelligent and sensitive so I was kind of a magnet for the abuses dealt out by our parents. I have been told my IQ was tested once and showed to be around 180 though I really don't buy that. I do seem to remember being told it was around 118 or higher so go figure.
So all of my life I have been trying to overcome the pain of that childhood. I have tried counseling, meds, drugs, alcohol, sex, what have you. The drugs were pretty much in high school and that quickly was discarded. The alcohol was in my Army days, and one day I simply decided that was equally useless and just as quickly dropped. One by one, the things straws I have grasped at have proven futile and put to the side. I am not angry or upset about that; it's just the way it has gone. I don't feel I have ever been really understood by anyone and have always been searching for that one thing that would tie it all together and give me that 'aha' moment and explain why the world is the way it is and what I could do to just be 'normal.'
And the more I look at it, the more Buddhism seems to be that answer. Just the Eightfold path alone has helped me order my life in a way nothing else ever has. My question and the reason of this post (I really did have one!) is that I have only tried meditating a few times and am wondering how useful it might be in helping me to put my past into a better perspective and to deal with the issues of the past. I haven't had access to a temple or any instruction on meditation, so it has been placed on a back burner while I try to come to a better understanding of the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path. I understand that the purpose of meditation is to increase your understanding of the nature of existence so it would seem to be right up that alley.
I don't want Buddhism to be only about this. I want Buddhism to be my way of life and I want it to be something I enjoy, so please don't think I am still desperately grasping at anything in life. I have found my truth; I simply want to know how use that truth to achieve a better understanding.
Sorry about the wall of text. I hadn't intended for it to be so long...
Kevin
I have led a rough life. I grew up moving from one small town to another in the mid-west. I had an extremely rough childhood and a some things happened that I won't bore you with. I don't want this to become a sob story so I will just leave it at this: A lot of shit went on that people should have been arrested for, but they weren't. Pretty much every form of abuse a person can suffer was there. Physical, mental, sexual, you name it and it was present. It wasn't just at home either. It ALL came from all angles. School, church, friends, were part of that cycle of abuse. If you really need a hint, I remember peeling cat feces off of a shirt so I could wear it to school. Also, while I am not quite certain of it, I am told that as a child I was super-intelligent and sensitive so I was kind of a magnet for the abuses dealt out by our parents. I have been told my IQ was tested once and showed to be around 180 though I really don't buy that. I do seem to remember being told it was around 118 or higher so go figure.
So all of my life I have been trying to overcome the pain of that childhood. I have tried counseling, meds, drugs, alcohol, sex, what have you. The drugs were pretty much in high school and that quickly was discarded. The alcohol was in my Army days, and one day I simply decided that was equally useless and just as quickly dropped. One by one, the things straws I have grasped at have proven futile and put to the side. I am not angry or upset about that; it's just the way it has gone. I don't feel I have ever been really understood by anyone and have always been searching for that one thing that would tie it all together and give me that 'aha' moment and explain why the world is the way it is and what I could do to just be 'normal.'
And the more I look at it, the more Buddhism seems to be that answer. Just the Eightfold path alone has helped me order my life in a way nothing else ever has. My question and the reason of this post (I really did have one!) is that I have only tried meditating a few times and am wondering how useful it might be in helping me to put my past into a better perspective and to deal with the issues of the past. I haven't had access to a temple or any instruction on meditation, so it has been placed on a back burner while I try to come to a better understanding of the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path. I understand that the purpose of meditation is to increase your understanding of the nature of existence so it would seem to be right up that alley.
I don't want Buddhism to be only about this. I want Buddhism to be my way of life and I want it to be something I enjoy, so please don't think I am still desperately grasping at anything in life. I have found my truth; I simply want to know how use that truth to achieve a better understanding.
Sorry about the wall of text. I hadn't intended for it to be so long...
Kevin
0
Comments
Meditation is easy to learn - it takes about 5 minutes - but it takes a lifetime to perfect it (whatever that means!) Dakini is correct that as the emotional waters become more still you can more clearly see the garbage at the bottom of the lake. All I can tell you about that is you just keep breathing.
I'm sorry for the pain you had to face in your childhood. You're not alone. Although I'm very new to the path of Buddhism, I wanted to give you encouragement and send you love.
- Adam
I want to congratulate you on coming this far. The type of journey you describe is a sad and bumpy one, and my empathy goes out to you. My past has many similar shades, so I might be able to relate to some of the scars or wounds that might remain if you ever wish to go into more detail, here or in a pm.
If you look on youtube for "ajahn jayasaro meditation" you'll find one of the best introductory series on meditation I've seen, certainly enough to get started. It tells the why and the what, with simple methods.
Consider that a history of heavy abuse can lead to seemingly spontaneous emotional reactions, and meditation can help provide a rooted quality to your awareness. This helps you stop getting swept up into the feelings, like learning not to jump at shadows of the past. First, through cultivating the space to observe the shadows with confidence, then through the detachment it takes to skillfully put the old pain to rest.
I have realized that one of the blessings to the painful qualities of childhood is that they prevent the apple from staying near the tree. Almost as though the pain is some kind of force that pushes us away, up the hill and into more sunny pastures. We can tell that the past is total bullshit, and so we know that there must be better soil somewhere. With meditation, we are able to genuinely root ourselves into the new soil, and avoid any kind of gravity (habituation) that pulls us back to where we have been.
I hope you find peace and resolution to all that has happened.
With warmth,
Matt
One thing I will say about this board you can learn from just hanging around, to quote the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy - On here there are some froods who really know where their towel is.
I reccomend listening to this:
http://media.bswa.org/mp3/Brahmavamso_2001_06_29.mp3
with metta
I recognise a lot in your story. Altough I haven't been trough anything like your describing, I have also always been looking for something. Something to make my life better, to make me feel better about myself and the world around me. For me it was mostly food and a lot of self-help books. And every time I thought I had found the answer to everything! But offcourse I never did, until I found buddhism. For me it also feels like coming home, it is my truth and other people can describe it so much better than I can. I do know something about meditating, but for me the problem really is just starting. Every day I have another excuse/reason not to just sit down and meditate..
For me meditation brings me peace of mind and a way to untangle myself from my day to day worries and tasks. It is a way to refocus and remind myself of the way I want to go.
There are a lot of online meditations, on the site www.freebuddhistaudio.com I have found some helpful guides.
I wish you all the best,
much metta,
Maaike
Funny... Do we ever really know what motivates us?
>I have only tried meditating a few times and am wondering how useful it might be in helping me to put my past into a better perspective and to deal with the issues of the past.
1,000 times more useful than anything you have tried in the past, would be my guess.
I'd echo what aMatt said he recommended the Ajahn Jaysaro meditation vids he pointed me in there direction and they were enough to get me started I've also been reading a fair bit and watching vids that people have posted here.
Go for it you've got nothing to lose by practicing mediation.
J.
To do zazen, it is necessary to find a time and place. Both should be as uncluttered as possible. Wash up. Make sure the space used is neat and clean as well. Wear comfortable, loose-fitting clothes. If you like, set up an altar with a statue, a cup of water in front of it and an incense burner in front of the water. Light a candle if you like. An altar is not necessary. If you prefer, simply sit down on your cushion between three and six feet from an empty wall.
A zafu, or round cushion, is often used for zazen. If you use one, put the sitting bones on the front third of the cushion. Find a posture ‚ kneeling, full-lotus, half-lotus, quarter-lotus ‚ that you can hold for the period you plan to sit. If there is some physical infirmity that does not allow you to sit on the zafu, sit in a chair. Again, sit on the sitting bones, spine erect.
Once seated, place the back of the left hand on top of the right palm so that the middle knuckles of the middle fingers touch. Let the thumbs then touch each other lightly. In this way, the thumbs will form an oval. Place both hands against the belly, about two inches below the navel. Technically, the nose will be in line with the navel and the shoulders will be aligned with the hips. To the best of your ability, make sure your knees are touching the ground. This will give your posture stability.
Having created your posture, rock back and forth gently two or three times to make sure you are sitting on the sitting bones in your behind. Take three or four quiet, deep breaths.
Once settled, begin your practice. For those starting out, it is probably best to count the breath. This means to count in your mind ‚ one to ten and begin again ‚ on each exhalation. In your mind, perhaps it sounds a little like, "o-n-n-n-n-n-e, t-w-o-o-o, t-h-r-e-e-e, etc." One to ten and begin again. If there is an interruption ‚ some thought that is other than your counting ‚ just begin again. If you space out and find yourself at 27, then catch yourself, just begin again. Always, just begin again.
The most important part of practice is to keep your promise. If you say, "I will do zazen for ten minutes on Tuesday starting at 6:34 p.m.," then honor your promise. If for some reason you cannot keep your promise, admit it. Zen practice is primarily about paying attention and taking responsibility. So ... pay attention and take responsibility.
Best wishes to you, kdryan
Abu
You are happy with your practice of Buddhism now, right? But you have questions about meditation. Go ahead and put meditation on a back-burner if you still don't have a great understanding or desire for it. I believe that a lot of things in life are dependent on timing. Maybe go through some of the threads on meditation, or grab some books on it. If you really want to get serious about meditation, try to find a teacher. Maybe you are like me and you are unsure if you are receiving benefit from it, or you wonder if you should be doing it differently. (I think I will get more serious about meditation once I find a person to do it with, and who can guide me.) You can try looking for a place where you live, or maybe even check out the video links that people here post
For there were many voices that once told you that you deserved to suffer...
that ridiculed you even in your suffering.
Their words still echo when the world is silent.
Who would not fear such silence?
Reminding oneself those ghosts are illusion calms the mind
but fails to comfort the neglected child still within,
who remembers and trembles, wondering why....
what he could have done, what he could have been, in this life or others ever to have merited such suffering?
No child is deserving of suffering.
No child is deserving of suffering.
No child is deserving of suffering.
You came here a child to help teach the adults compassion..
compassion for themselves and for others!
It was not your fault they would not learn!
It was not your fault they would not learn!
It was not your fault they would not learn!
You need not fear the stillness.
Your greatest wounds, processed, healed, and released into the stillness
will become your greatest strengths.
You'll see.
with metta
Aura