Forgiveness in Buddhism

Vagabond

Yesterday, I forgave someone for something that had happened a little over a year ago. I will not say any names nor will I even tell the story, but I will let you know that it was really something for me to do. Probably the biggest act of forgiveness I have done in my life. I probably would have never forgave this person if it wasn't for me thinking "What would Buddha do?", not knowing any stories about him on this matter however. This is because I am still new to Buddhism, coming and going between learning about it, and moving on with everyday life, kind of "forgetting" about Buddhism and how much I truly am interested in it and eager to learn more. So either way, I forgave this person because I wanted to be a better person in life (after thinking of Buddhism) and because I forgave this person, I found myself coming back into the groove of learning and finding out more about this way of life.

Now I want to ask: What DID Buddha say about forgiveness? And what do YOU think? I found this article online and found it very interesting and thought I might as well share it: http://www.youaretrulyloved.com/enlightenment/the-buddha-teaches-a-lesson-on-forgiveness/


You don't have to just answer my question about The Buddha's view on forgiveness, by the way. This discussion does not need to be too specific. Anything related to forgiveness in Buddhism will work for me. I am not necessarily JUST looking for that answer, because I'd like to know how YOU feel about forgiveness. Any stories, quotes, ideas, anything, is welcome. Thanks.

Jeffrey

I don't recall from the Buddha. I had an experience with forgiveness in which I learned it was for me largely and not them. I forgave a person. And later they let me down again. But because I had cultivated a peaceful attitude that was helpful. I did feel frustrated again when they let me down the second time but I recalled that I should not get caught up in the ill feelings and that those were not helpful and not neccessary. After the second time I distanced myself and let go, but practiced like I say with those bouts of negativity in rememberance of my former success and lightening.

Vagabond

I don't recall from the Buddha. I had an experience with forgiveness in which I learned it was for me largely and not them.

Right, I feel the same way too. It's like more weight was lifted off MY shoulders forgiving the person than they could even have had been holding up on THEIRS, if that made sense. It helped me grow. I just hope I don't wake up one day and remember all the bad things they had done to me and regret forgiving them with a "No, F*** them!" kind of attitude, you know?

Jeffrey

I did have that attitude too. But because I had experienced the relief I was a little less convinced that the F them attitude was helpful. Instead I let it roll off my back and moved on rather than wasting time. I did have to experience the emotion, the anger. Meditation practice helps. Even some walking meditation or some practice where you find joy to take your mind off of the anger. And get a lift of view.

Spock

Hmmmm, I think the answer may be related to Metta Bhavna.

If one cultivates loving kindness, then is there anything ever to forgive?

tess

''When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

This is a quote above.

From me:

Don’t give the power to those people who upset you and drive you away from your inner peacefulness, goals or provide you with EXCUSES!!!!!


To all of you thank you for all your help and : :bowdown: You have spared me a lot of :banghead: with your wisdom.

See you in September.

DhammaDhatu

Monks, even if bandits were to savagely sever you, limb by limb, with a double-handled saw, even then, whoever of you harbors ill will at heart would not be upholding my Teaching.

Monks, even in such a situation you should train yourselves thus: 'Neither shall our minds be affected by this, nor for this matter shall we give vent to evil words, but we shall remain full of concern and pity, with a mind of love, and we shall not give in to hatred.

We shall live projecting thoughts of universal love to those very persons, making them as well as the whole world the object of our thoughts of universal love — thoughts that have grown great, exalted and measureless. We shall dwell radiating these thoughts which are void of hostility and ill will.

It is in this way, monks, that you should train yourselves.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.021x.budd.html

aMatt

Vagabond,

I think its great that you were able to forgive the person! It takes a lot of focus and compassion to do that, in my opinion. I can understand the desire to remain forgiving, and a few things came mind as I read your curiosity.

When we do "bad things" to others, we hurt ourselves as much as the other. This shows up as isolation, poor health, anxiety, mental agitation and so on. So, although it can be said that our dumb actions "hurt others", it is closer to regard it as "hurting everyone involved".

So when we look at someone's mistakes... where they seem like a jerk to us, punch us in the ribs, kick us in the shins, or whatever... we can see they are acting unskillfully. But, if we don't make it about us, we only get a bruise on or shin. We don't have to feel any mental offense, and anger... only shin sensations.

Did you notice how much lighter you felt after letting the trespass go? We can maintain that light quality by refusing to make other people's decisions about us. Forgiveness starts as a symbol of that letting go. The more practiced we get at refusing to own their actions, we have no reason to forgive, because we didn't make it about us. Their dumb actions might leave a bruise, but no mental strain.

Ideally, it would be very compassionate to help bandage the person's toes; shins have very solid bones. Does that make sense?

With warmth,

Matt

tess

Monks, even if bandits were to savagely sever you, limb by limb, with a double-handled saw, even then, whoever of you harbors ill will at heart would not be upholding my Teaching.

Monks, even in such a situation you should train yourselves thus: 'Neither shall our minds be affected by this, nor for this matter shall we give vent to evil words, but we shall remain full of concern and pity, with a mind of love, and we shall not give in to hatred.

We shall live projecting thoughts of universal love to those very persons, making them as well as the whole world the object of our thoughts of universal love — thoughts that have grown great, exalted and measureless. We shall dwell radiating these thoughts which are void of hostility and ill will.

It is in this way, monks, that you should train yourselves.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.021x.budd.html

Just before I go, this post has made me realized how far I am from being a Buddhist.


I can’t even comprehend being chopped mentally or physically ''limb by limb, with a double-handled saw and then uphold Buddha Teaching''.


In the moment, I only see that Buddhism has such a wisdom to understand the reasons for human suffering and offering brilliant solutions to avoid it.



:bawl:

Vagabond

Vagabond,

...

Ideally, it would be very compassionate to help bandage the person's toes; shins have very solid bones. Does that make sense?

With warmth,

Matt

It makes perfect sense, just like in the article I posted the link to on the first post of this thread. I feel that if I keep all these things in mind and understand the fact that I TRULY believe that I will hurt myself too when not forgiving and/or inflicting pain on someone whom I feel deserves it, I will be able to stop myself from falling back in the rut of regretting myself for forgiving those who have hurt me in the past.

You all are a great help to me. Thank you

CosmicGypsy

I can forgive people with the prerequisite being they've changed their ways, and recognise their actions were wrong or hurtful. At the moment I struggle to bring myself to forgive people who haven't realised or understood their actions or being is 'wrong'. I don't think my way is the right way, just that at the moment I struggle to forgive people who I see as non-repentant.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/04/06/man-buys-dinner-for-his-m_n_95178.html

That's a good non-Buddhist story which I bookmarked when I read it. Not so much about forgiveness as it is understanding, but worth a read. I think it's a good highlight of positive human nature that's often suppressed or discouraged.

santhisouk

I am starting to think that there are some people who are reading the Tipitaka and trying to apply those teachings to their life. Which is fine, but I think there is a correct way to learn from those teachings and a wrong way. The correct way would be to realize that those teachings were applicable mainly to monks who have ordained in those early times. For a modern lay person to follow those teachings, some of it would seem a little bit too extreme. It would be more beneficial to someone to use it as reference to what the buddha taught, reflect on it, and then try to find a middle way from it. The wrong way would be to try to follow those teachings, taking it word for word, and not looking for the middle way of it.

with metta

Vagabond

I can forgive people with the prerequisite being they've changed their ways, and recognise their actions were wrong or hurtful. At the moment I struggle to bring myself to forgive people who haven't realised or understood their actions or being is 'wrong'. I don't think my way is the right way, just that at the moment I struggle to forgive people who I see as non-repentant.

I couldn't agree more. I can't help but be the same way. Spoiled people, or just straight up A-Holes can make me lose sleep at night man. I know it's not good either, but at least I'm admitting it.

DhammaDhatu

It would be more beneficial to someone to use it as reference to what the buddha taught...

What DID Buddha say about forgiveness? Anything related to forgiveness in Buddhism will work for me.

santhisouk

Just before I go, this post has made me realized how far I am from being a Buddhist. I can’t even comprehend being chopped mentally or physically ''limb by limb, with a double-handled saw and then uphold Buddha Teachin".

Vagabond

It would be more beneficial to someone to use it as reference to what the buddha taught...

What DID Buddha say about forgiveness? Anything related to forgiveness in Buddhism will work for me.

Are you saying I kind of contradicted myself or no? I'm confused as to why you quoted this without leaving a comment of your own, lol.

andyrobyn

It is about how we travel through our lives ... it is always about us, holding resentment will affect us now and moving forward ( or worse, keep us immobilsed and stuck in the past .)