What advice would you give somebody if they wanted to be better talking to people?

BeachHouseGuy

,

Jeffrey

like public speaking or in company?

Jeffrey

for company you should listen to what they say and hear it. Don't think of what you're going to say while they are talking.

SherabDorje

I think the best way is to actually listen. A person who is uncomfortable with eye contact can focus on the bridge of the other person's nose (or the bridge of their glasses) and still give the other person the impression that eye contact is being maintained. And then really listen. Ask questions to be sure you understand. Then respond quietly or just in a conversational tone.

People that feel like they're being listened to usually become more relaxed and comfortable. And I've heard it said that those who feel listened to will say things like "girllikesam is so nice to talk with" because they feel at ease.

Putting the other person at ease by helping them feel like they're being listened to can do so much to relax the entire conversation.

Cinorjer

I think the best way is to actually listen. A person who is uncomfortable with eye contact can focus on the bridge of the other person's nose (or the bridge of their glasses) and still give the other person the impression that eye contact is being maintained. And then really listen. Ask questions to be sure you understand. Then respond quietly or just in a conversational tone.

People that feel like they're being listened to usually become more relaxed and comfortable. And I've heard it said that those who feel listened to will say things like "girllikesam is so nice to talk with" because they feel at ease.

Putting the other person at ease by helping them feel like they're being listened to can do so much to relax the entire conversation.

That is exactly right. People tell me that they love talking to me all the time, when actually I just learned to listen and ask questions. It helps if you really are listening to them, and find what they're saying interesting. Me, I find people fascinating.

If all they want to do is complain, that's a different matter. Some conversations I cut short. Most people who find conversation hard make the mistake of thinking it's about swapping complaints or unloading a buttload of problems. There's a time and place for that, especially when it comes to complaints about other people. But that's a more advanced topic.

federica

Use mouth and ears proportionately.

Yishai

Use mouth and ears proportionately.

We have two ears and one mouth. Does that mean the proportion of listening to hearing is 2:1?

When talking to people, it's best to just listen. 95% of the time, people just want to talk and have somebody listen. They don't even need some kind of deep insight, but it is great if you could offer them that. I've found that more often than not, opening my mouth has only made the other person feel worse. I'm not the best at giving advice, but I am great at listening.

As far as speaking goes, notice your audience. Are you speaking to a classmate? coworker? professor? supervisor? distinguished person? If you're talk to a superior, you should try to keep the conversation formal. Don't use slang, and always stay articulate. If you're talking to a coworker or classmate, listen to them, see how they are conversing, and do so in kind.

This is always something you can do: When you call customer service of somewhere, try changing the pitch and tempo of your speech. You'll notice that they will change along with you. This is something a good listener will do in order to make you feel more comfortable, and it helps to keep the conversation flowing. This is something you can also adopt into your own conversation skills.

federica

Use mouth and ears proportionately.

We have two ears and one mouth. Does that mean the proportion of listening to hearing is 2:1?

No, the proportion of Listening to SPEAKING should be 2:1.

Yishai

My bad, obviously I wasn't thinking right. Indeed, it has been a sluggish day. Still, I'm surprised I didn't catch that...