Just had break-up with girlfriend, seeking help

YoungBuddhist

For the past 10 or so months I had been growing closer and closer to this girl and soon considered her to be one of my best friends. Then, two months ago, we started to know each other sexually and for the past 2 months have been dating, talking every night, seeing each other all the time, etc..About 2 weeks into our relationship I found out that she had cheated on me and made out with her ex-boyfriend, however I quickly forgave her for that because she had seemed genuinely sorry about it and promised not to do it again. So since that incident I had believed everything was going very well, we were always seeing each other and going out together and laughing, having fun.

But then yesterday I found out something that really shocked me and caused me a lot of anguish. For the past month she had been growing less interested in me and more obsessed with this other guy who she was friends with. About 1 week ago they made out several times at a party, which I also just found out about yesterday. During these last few weeks she has been trying to get farther away from me by making excuses for why she couldnt hang out, seeming more distant when we were together (these were the same things that she had done to her last boyfriend).

After finding this out yesterday I tried to react as calmly as I could. I called her up and told her we needed to end our relationship together and just stay friends, and we ended the phone call as friends. But I am still truly torn up that this girl who I loved had lied to me many times, cheated on me, and has not cared about me nearly as much as I care for her. I know that it was my mistake to become attached to this girl and I tried meditating last night and this morning, trying to convince myself to follow the principle "May I reckon those who betray me as sacred teachers." But I'm just having a lot of difficulty letting her go. Does anyone know any meditation techniques i can try, or any way to help me look at this as an experience to gain from, not to look at it as just a relationship filled with betrayal? I just dont want to feel sad. Any help or advice on this topic is very much appreciated, thank you.

Jeffrey

"lied to me many times, cheated on me, and has not cared about me nearly as much as I care for her."

Run. Don't have any contact with her. So that you can get over her and find another girl who isn't such a ****. She is a sacred teacher of how unreliable anything but the nature of your own mind, the clarity openness and sensitivity is in this life. Thats all you will have at death.

If you think of phoning, writing, etc just think of her having sex with this other guy. Rotten apple. Looks good on the outside then you take a bite and its a worm.

Sorry this happened to you. For meditation sit with the energy of your feelings and emotional states. You don't have to be any certain way. Just let the storms of nature roll and ride the feelings.

Its ego to think of her as a goddess you have to forgive. Its a delusion. She's just a confused stupid girl. Doesn't know any better.

Jeffrey

I've been through this. The worst thing you can do is keep involvement and get more attached. More pain. I feel like I lost my chance to have my 20s with a kind (who treated me well) girl. And the worst thing is that I did.

Ric

I have one advice. Dont be friends with her. She violated your trust over and over and in a tremendously short period of time. Dont tell her you are not friends, just dont call her and if she calls you to hang out and such just make up some excuse.

Also, go hang out with your friends and talk up with other women. Nothing cures feeling bad about losing a girl like realizing that there are much better women out there. That always solves the problem.

YoungBuddhist

Thank you both so much for your responses. I've been meditating a lot lately, working out, just doing whatever I can to keep my mind off of her. Also working on separating from her, at least until I feel I can be friends with her without feeling attached. Thank you both and anyone else for future responses.

Mountains

Been there, done that. It sucks, and it hurts, there's just no other way to say it. Plenty of us have been through *exactly* the same thing. The hurt will heal in time, and meditating is a big help. But don't expect meditation to erase it. It will perhaps help you to put it in perspective, but you'll remain a fragile human being whose ego has been seriously bruised by this girl.

But life goes on!

MamaLotus

Does anyone know any meditation techniques i can try, or any way to help me look at this as an experience to gain from, not to look at it as just a relationship filled with betrayal? I just dont want to feel sad. Any help or advice on this topic is very much appreciated, thank you.

Sorry for your pain, YoungBuddhist. The meditation I would advise you to try is to thank her for having helped you grow wiser and learn a few lessons for your next relationship. Don't be angry, and don't be sad either, just be thankful that you will be more "prepared" for your next relationship that might turn to be the one that will make you very happy.... and in that case, it was an experience worth living... If you look at it like that, you will feel more positive about the whole experience. I wish you peace!

YoungBuddhist

Thank you all for your responses! I am starting to look towards this experience as one that will benefit me and help me grow wiser, and my anger towards her is starting to diminish with these meditations. Your help is so much appreciated, peace with you all!

Jeffrey

My last break up I experienced a peace and then a craving and trying to have more contact as she was not responding to friendship.. Then I became angry all over again ::facepalm::

Maybe I can use it to be wiser too?