Motivation and Direction

tmottes

i hope this is the right category for this post.

In the past several years, events in my life have been driving me in the direction of buddhism. I have always had an inclination toward buddhism, just never quite figured out why. It has been a strange ride to get here, and although I have not ever really been much of a materialist, I wasn't ever really a spiritual person. I have always found science and math to be more up my alley, so to speak. This new found spirituality seems to come rather easily to me, but lately I have been struggling with motivation in my mundane life. The more I meditate, study, and so forth, the less I want to engage in "pointless" tasks. For example, I work as a consultant for large corporations in the IT industry and lately, I have had no motivation to work. It isn't that I am being lazy, I am constantly taking care of animals, gardens, cleaning, meditating, studying, etc. I guess what I am trying to say is that I feel like I am being driving closer and closer toward formal renouncement. The mundane is just not where I feel I should be spending my time. With that being said, I have a bf of 4 years, 3 cats, 2 dogs, 25 chickens, a lizard, a spider, and a bunch of fish. I feel like dropping everything and running off to join some mountain monastery isn't right, but the mundane doesn't feel right either. To make matters worse, I have managed to rack up a sizable amount of debt, which I feel obliged to repay. Of course all this was before I really found why and how buddhism works in my life.

How do would-be monks deal with all the "baggage" of their lay life in order to move their lives to sanghas life? Is dropping everything and running off to do so, considered causing harm to all the life for which I feel responsible?

Tony

Jeffrey

You could practice within your life. Maintaining those connections with those beings is a part of dharma practice. There is a wisdom path and also a heart path. Doing one is always doing the other and ultimately you do both.

Perhaps you need to find another fit somehow? But I think you should honor those connections to other beings. To me thats what the dharma is about. Living in harmony with beings. It it ain't all a pretty picture unicorns and rainbows.

TenPoundNote

Maybe one thing you could try is to avoid seeing lay life as 'baggage'. Everything you do is an opportunity to practice Buddhism.

tmottes

Thanks you guys, I guess a change in perspective in needed at this point. I try to practice looking at everything that happens in my life as just what I need; I suppose I should take my own advice.

@jeffery would you be willing to explain more or offer some resources about the wisdom/heart paths?

Jeffrey

I was listening to a talk from a theravadan nun.. it is the first one here Its about learning to overcome the barriers in our heart (ego) by relationships.

tmottes

Thank you, I will check it out.

aMatt

Tony,

I can understand the dilemma you're encountering. I was once an IT consultant, and lost my sense of direction after a few years of practice. I found a buddhist teacher and asked the same basic questions you are asking.

Consider spending more time helping others. Renouncing, gardening, study... these acts are for you. Balance them with more charity, and the color comes back into every moment. Your debt isn't just in currency.

Simply put, no matter where we go, if we do it from a sense of Self-need, our view will go grey once the newness wears off. We have a compassion that is powerful and wise, but we need to harness it more regularly, more consistently.

Are plants and animals really more worthy than your brothers and sisters who are caught up at their jobs also.. the ones you see every day that could use a loving touch from your skillful hand? Kind words from gentle lips can go a long way in such environments, for you and them.

Then, once color is restored, you can act from a sense of bounty no matter where you work. Monestary or corporation. Not that I suggest you must stay in the same job! It might be wise to find something that resonates closer to your frequency. It just that in my opinion, the job isn't what is grey, its your sense of self clouding your view of how blessed your garden has become.

With warmth,

Matt

tmottes

@aMatt that you for your words, they do resonate rather well with me. I used to spend many hours volunteering when I was in high school and college, and then something happened and I stopped. I was in a pretty dark place when I was volunteering, and I guess when I got out of it, I stopped. I admit I used it as a distraction from my own pains, but I did enjoy it. However, now that I have grown a bit and know better, you are absolutely right, I should be focused more on helping others. Thank you for reminding me what is important.