mindfulness. assertiveness vs. aggressiveness. overwhelming?

justbe

Hello all, and thanks for the extension of help in my previous thread on "fear of truth". With this post I just wanted to hear of your mindfulness experiences at the onset. I'm currently becoming exceedingly aware of when my anger/irritability rises to the point where I often feel like a child (repressed emotions?) and it feels overwhelming sometimes to the point where I know that any decision I make on how I react or direct my words towards others in my vicinity will be sharp and coming from a place that lacks clarity. I've been feeling strong surges of this anger in addition to surges of insecurity or fear but also surges of peace and acceptance come up at times when I'm not in meditation. I don't know if I'm looking for insight or if this is insight itself lol.

Also, is your practice and approach to life a passive one, an aggressive one or an assertive one? I get the notion of peace somehow equating passivity and a "flow" with life, but I believe that a flow with life can be achieved through a more assertive framework; one that acknowledges that we are humans that exist and therefore have the right to express ourselves, if only for a bit. Thanks all.

taiyaki

as long as your framework acknowledges everyone else's framework. and as long as your desire is in full accordance with everyone else's desire. passivity isn't the passivity we view from our dualistic mind. when we are completely empty of desire the energy that was once there will automatically manifest through compassion. thus the flow is always in perfect sync with helping the other.

now this is in turn balance with a healthy amount of wisdom arising from realization/insight/clear seeing.
mindfulness allows you to see clearly and to realize wisdom. mindfulness also allows you to respond to situation rather than react. so in one way it gives you wisdom which is conceptual and it gives wisdom in how you act/respond in this world.

the practice and approach to life should be like water. water is both strong, yet fluid. your practice should be assertive and strong, yet tender and loving. wisdom must always accompany compassion and vice versa.

also free yourself from all frameworks, assumptions, ideologies, belief structures and even the good ones. for buddhism lies in the middle way, which is all about your individual suffering, which in turn is the collectives. when you free yourself, then you will naturally find that freedom from an ideology is true freedom. even if one adopts a belief structure, they will be able to realize that it is merely a symbolic projection onto an empty reality.

it's hard to "understand" but there isn't much to understand. you just do what naturally arises, when you see clearly. what that is we cannot know because we cannot know how emptiness moves. we can universally assert that good things come about, but even those are limitations. but maybe those limitations are good for they keep a buddha accountable, etc. so i suppose it is a balance between systems and chaos.

but let's first get to the chaos and infinite potentiality.

Still_Waters

Since most of us go through life needing to balance often conflicting responsibilities involving family, work, friends, and our own well-being, among others, I believe that it is important to be able to say no when excessive or unreasonable demands are made of us, and it is also important to clearly communicate our needs and wishes. To do this in a way that also respects others and avoids the intentional infliction of harm or suffering requires assertiveness rather than aggression or passivity.

To me, dealing with people who are passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive is a real pain. I much prefer dealing with people with clear boundaries and who are forthright about what's on their mind. Since I believe in treating others the way I would want to be treated, I do my best to be that way myself.

Alan

SpinyNorman2

I'm currently becoming exceedingly aware of when my anger/irritability rises to the point where I often feel like a child (repressed emotions?) and it feels overwhelming sometimes to the point where I know that any decision I make on how I react or direct my words towards others in my vicinity will be sharp and coming from a place that lacks clarity. I've been feeling strong surges of this anger in addition to surges of insecurity or fear but also surges of peace and acceptance come up at times when I'm not in meditation. .

This is quite common, and mindfulness can be very uncomfortable sometimes. The important things is to be accepting and non-judgemental about what you're experiencing.

Spiny

SeaOfTranquility

Hi Justbe,

Mindfulness is patient, open, non-judgemental, awareness.

As another poster recently said. Awareness is not "I" am observing something, it is being the observation without separation.

As your practice continues to develop you will see that peace and acceptance will replace fear and insecurity more and more. These negative emotions are based on past conditioning and a preoccupation with an illusory self. The positive emotions are what naturally arise when we live in the present and stop adding to our drama.

Best Wishes