Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Sign In Register
Examples: Monday, today, last week, Mar 26, 3/26/04
Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.

Is Sex for the Sake of Sex Against the Precepts?

BlackFlagBlackFlag
edited July 2011 in Buddhism Basics
The reason I ask is because I'm facing kind of a moral issue with this girl who wants to have sex and thats it. No relationship. I can't figure out whether I should just do it or forget her and look for a more meaningful relationship. But, to be honest, I don't have a good enough reason not to have sex with her, except for Thich Nhat Hanh's opinion on the matter, which really doesn't mean much to me. Is there any reason why I shouldn't?

Comments

  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    Sex always has some emotional component so there would be a price. Use a condom if you do.
  • compassionate_warriorcompassionate_warrior Veteran
    I agree with Jeffrey. People want to believe in no-strings-attached sex, but it rarely works out that way. One of the people involved almost invariably develops an emotional attachment. But precept-wise the rule of thumb is that as long as it's not hurting anyone (there's no deceit or manipulation), then it's ok. But human nature being what it is--we're not automatons--there's a risk of someone getting hurt. Drama happens. That's the main reason why some people do forego the easy liaison in favor of holding out for a more meaningful relationship. But strictly from a precept perspective, I see no reason not to go for it.
  • VincenziVincenzi Veteran
    it doesn't work... stay with her as a friend first, and decide if you want to have something less casual (at the very least being loyal with each other; "girlfriend" is just a label afterall).
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    OP -- very good question.
  • aMattaMatt Veteran
    edited July 2011
    Blackflag, how old are you? Are you a monk?

    Casual, nurturing sex is easier when one is older. When one is young its often more about sensation and orgasm than togetherness, awareness and mutual compassion. Even so, casual sex at any age is like a field full of land mines.

    What attracts you to the possibility?
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    .....Is there any reason why I shouldn't?
    Is there any reason why you should....?

  • compassionate_warriorcompassionate_warrior Veteran
    To answer the heading to your OP, "No, it isn't against the precepts."
  • VincenziVincenzi Veteran
    edited July 2011
    you should ask if it is the wisest thing to do, or not.

    you are the only one that knows details.
  • compassionate_warriorcompassionate_warrior Veteran
    What if she turns out to be mentally unalanced, and stalks you afterwards? That happened to a friend of mine. You never know about people. How well do you know this person?
  • DhammaDhatuDhammaDhatu Veteran
    edited July 2011
    But precept-wise the rule of thumb is that as long as it's not hurting anyone (there's no deceit or manipulation), then it's ok...
    your definition of "hurting" seems narrow...

    ever considered thinking with some emotional sensitivity rather than just legalistically?

    :confused:
  • DhammaDhatuDhammaDhatu Veteran
    edited July 2011
    ...Thich Nhat Hanh's opinion on the matter...
    Thich Nhat Hanh's opinion is something spiritual; most helpful for spiritual development

    But the five precepts themselves are literally about harming existing relationships, such as no sex with married persons, no sex with engaged persons & no sex with persons still living in the care of their parents or guardians

    So if you wish to have sex in the hungry ghost, animal or hell realms, whilst this is not spiritual, the five precepts really do not prohibit it

    kind regards :)

  • DhammaDhatuDhammaDhatu Veteran
    edited July 2011
    The reason I ask is because I'm facing kind of a moral issue with this girl who wants to have sex and thats it. No relationship.
    'Relationship' does not necessarily mean it is moral. Uncommitted, heedless & indulgent relationships potentially lead to more harm than mere casual sex. Good luck :)
  • compassionate_warriorcompassionate_warrior Veteran


    ever considered thinking with some emotional sensitivity rather than just legalistically?
    :confused:
    I covered that in my post. Ever think of reading the whole post, instead of picking the one sentence you disagree with? lol ! I addressed in my post both the OP question, and the broader emotional context.

  • BlackFlagBlackFlag
    edited July 2011
    Hey everyone. Just to give you an update, I decided not to. I don't think its worth the emotional bs that goes along with it. I want to be in a good relationship. I know what sex is like already.

    Thank you everyone for your input. It was very helpful in me making this decision.
  • YishaiYishai Veteran
    Good to hear it. Sounds like you chose wisely, especially if there was going to be emotional bs along with it (typically there is).
  • thickpaperthickpaper Veteran
    edited July 2011
    @BlackFlag

    I can see you have decided on yoru decision, good on you.

    Just to add my pennies worth, I would say that in answer to your OP that it would depend on if the sex, or any activity, is doen with kindness, positivity, honesty, openness....


    I can see no reason according to dharma why two people who want to have just fun getting jiggy with it shouldn't, in and of itself.

    Dharma isnt a moral action-system, even the precepts are not moral. Dharma is a practice action-system.

    It has moral tennets in the form of the golden rule (treat others as you would yourself), but even these are "trumped" by metta.

    namaste







Sign In or Register to comment.