Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
I meditated!
I posted a few weeks ago about my fear of meditating as 6 months ago I had experienced painful flashbacks from my childhood during meditation.
I've had an internal struggle for the last few months as my exploration into Buddhism continued. Having a deep fear of meditation and yet the strong need to practice everything else. How can I claim to be a Buddhist and take refuge if I can't even meditate?!?
Tonight I tried. My mind was busy! Frantic even. My back became sore. I had an itch in my right eye that plagued me for the first few minutes (felt like longer!) and it was all wonderful! I clung to thoughts instead of letting them just be. I even judged myself for doing so. But to be able to sit for twenty minutes, breath in and out, I just felt more calm. I felt what I've known I missed.
Meditating once in six months is not a feat by any means, but for me it really is a breakthrough. I've been working with my therapist on this very issue and I feel I'm ready to practice again. Minus the fear.
I've had an internal struggle for the last few months as my exploration into Buddhism continued. Having a deep fear of meditation and yet the strong need to practice everything else. How can I claim to be a Buddhist and take refuge if I can't even meditate?!?
Tonight I tried. My mind was busy! Frantic even. My back became sore. I had an itch in my right eye that plagued me for the first few minutes (felt like longer!) and it was all wonderful! I clung to thoughts instead of letting them just be. I even judged myself for doing so. But to be able to sit for twenty minutes, breath in and out, I just felt more calm. I felt what I've known I missed.
Meditating once in six months is not a feat by any means, but for me it really is a breakthrough. I've been working with my therapist on this very issue and I feel I'm ready to practice again. Minus the fear.
0
Comments
There is a place near by run by nuns. It's the only place close to me and I have been in contact with them once via email. I've let my fear prevent me from doing anything further. I was told I could meet with someone...just need to actually do it.