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How to navigate between 'so what' and peace/clarity from a buddhist plus social perspective
Jeffrey
Veteran
I spent time with a group of my brothers friend's family. There was a lot of drinking no not really. People weren't wasted just dulled, and the thing I noticed aside from my own nervousness from trying to carry a conversation with people I haven't seen is just with all the drinking people are basicly just trying to get a moment of laughter and relief. I am not much of a conversationalist and I just felt frustrated yet kind of disdainful like I was purer or something.
I kinda realize I have created this big 'ego' self jesus complex, but at the same time I am genuinely saddened. The sadness isn't the problem its just the fermentations and confusion, I don't know how to let it go without getting angry sort of 'don't care'..
I tried meditating and it was helpful and its only been 3 waking hours (and sleep) so I am sure I will process this, but this experience really sent a message to me. I don't get out much and I feel the world looks so different to my eyes from when I was mentally healthy. Then I was petrified as well, but I was looking to be a clown and not so detached and thinking I am pure. I did have some greater enjoyment of the peace and my senses were more distinct than I had remembered at parties. (*I did have the peace and enjoyment in senses now. It is more real than when I was trying to be funny, but my wish is to make others feel more settled and happy, and increase that in myself.) It was kids running around and groups of chairs with adults mixing and looking at a lake. It was as if the lake were their tv and their desire was validated that they were drawn into it. I mean I am happy for them, and its good to have something secure and vast to focus on. I don't know but I just felt kind of dissociating and something like that.
I know I don't really have a question, but maybe can start a topic....
I kinda realize I have created this big 'ego' self jesus complex, but at the same time I am genuinely saddened. The sadness isn't the problem its just the fermentations and confusion, I don't know how to let it go without getting angry sort of 'don't care'..
I tried meditating and it was helpful and its only been 3 waking hours (and sleep) so I am sure I will process this, but this experience really sent a message to me. I don't get out much and I feel the world looks so different to my eyes from when I was mentally healthy. Then I was petrified as well, but I was looking to be a clown and not so detached and thinking I am pure. I did have some greater enjoyment of the peace and my senses were more distinct than I had remembered at parties. (*I did have the peace and enjoyment in senses now. It is more real than when I was trying to be funny, but my wish is to make others feel more settled and happy, and increase that in myself.) It was kids running around and groups of chairs with adults mixing and looking at a lake. It was as if the lake were their tv and their desire was validated that they were drawn into it. I mean I am happy for them, and its good to have something secure and vast to focus on. I don't know but I just felt kind of dissociating and something like that.
I know I don't really have a question, but maybe can start a topic....
0
Comments
rephrase? :scratch:
Or if you have a specific question.
However, I am intrigued by the little bits I have been able to comprehend and would like to understand more of what you are trying to get across.
Cheers,
jgpp
I think I know what you mean - but correct me if I am mistaken, I may just be projecting my own experiences which sound like yours, and your experience is actually different...
I have drastically cut down on my own alcohol intake because I often get the impression when I'm out drinking with people it feels like everyone (myself included) is just trying to 'squezze out' some joy - and alcohol seems to facilitate that, except there is something very unnatural about it. I work in a bar, and on the way home late at night my bus takes me through a part of London where there are lots of people staggering the streets and to be honest no one looks like they're having such a great time, they just look a bit empty, drunk, staggering. I feel bad saying such negative things, especially since I've done that myself many times in the past. And, maybe i'm wrong, maybe it really is fun for some people, I don't know! I too have had that 'disdainful' thing going on when I see what I perceive as ppl trying to get (as you put it) a moment of laughter, and I think this is because I sense something a bit fake about it all. What I don't know is whether it's just my own problem, or whether or not I am picking up on what is ACTALLY going on. Is this what you mean? Or does my rambling not make sense or resonate with you?
I think it's really important to be discerning about who you associate with in life, and maybe you just weren't with the kind of people that were suited to the way you were feeling at that moment, or they don't have the same kind of sensibilities as yourself (not to say there is anything wrong with the people you were with, it's just not the right fit for you either at that moment or more generally).
I personally find socialising much easier and far more enjoyable if it's just me and one other person, or a very small group of people. Anything larger and it feels like i'm being flooded with personalities to negotiate, and that leaves me feeling like i'm itching with a sense of discontentment which can take various forms including I end up getting drunk, bored, restless, quiet and just not really having anything to say, so I think I understand where you're coming from and if I have understood correctly, well, you're not alone in feeling this way.
Socialising can sometimes feel 'duty' bound. On the one hand, one doesn't want to appear rude by not socialising, on the other hand I often feel like it is a bit pointless, depending of course on what form the socialsising is likely to take.
Dandelion.
I understand what you all mean to a large extent, I think. Often times in social situations now after meditating I'm able to see through a lot of fronts and social constructs that people adhere too. In one way their method of socializing feels fake and contrived but in another way it feels real and authentic because everyone in the room seems to be masters at the rules of the (social) game except me - drink, laugh, smoke and act like more drinking, laughter and weed smoke will be enough to make everything alright. I often play along with the charade sometime and it is rather funny because just a while ago I thought this charade was the "real thing". Maybe I'm not making any sense I don't know. What I do know, though, is that I find myself feeling alienated and attached from whats going on because I can sort of see through it and through people's BS. Then, Ill be perceived as a party pooper if I maintain my space from that, and the people that are the most invested in the scene (the ones that drinks, smokes, engages the most self aggrandizing behavior and cracks the most jost) is exalted. I don't want to be the odd man out. I apparently to a degree have social anxiety, but upon reviewing it, all I feel is shenpa. Which means it's something to work on and get past. I hope to be able to navigate these social spaces without any arrogance on my part just with a peaceful and equanimous resolve and at times engaging resolve because past the formalities and fabrications, I think that those are the people who function the best socially. Shenpa is the word my friends lol.
Peace and Love
Yes, you make sense to me and I like your last sentence.
I don't go out partying/socialising where drink is heavily involved that much anymore and when I do it's because it's something I feel I can't say 'no' too, as it would be rude, for example a family members birthday. I remember being in my early 20's knowing that one day I would quit alcohol for good, but not really knowing where that feeling came from. At the time I was partying quite a lot and enjoying myself on one level but I suppose I knew that for me it just represented not really having a handle on life and I was just behaving like that because that's what young women do when they move to a big city for university - meet people, go out drink, party party party. I just didn't stop and think. It hinders too many other aspects of life for my taste and i'm not one that does 'moderation' very well. Time is better spent doing other things I personally feel, but this is only my personal opinion. Lately when I have been sociable i've enjoyed coke (the fizzy liquid stuff, not the white nasal stuff) and been with people that don't drink a lot of alcohol or have no alcohol themselves and it's been so much a nicer experience. The conversations are more interesting for one thing and I don't have a rotten headache the next day - bonus!
Do you sit in a forest and spend your time thinking "I'm not a tree", "I'm not a bird", "Where do I belong?"
How other people see us is between them and their organs and karma. However it does sound like there is some ranking going on in your minds. That is certainly part of your burdens.
Consider that when we stop ranking people because of their actions, we stop ranking ourselves because of ours. You don't fault a bird for falling, a tree for burning, a star for going nova, a baby for pooping... why fault a man for drinking? Just notice what is there and let the rest go, its unhelpful.
Firstly, to "drink" is to drink alcohol, not hydrate.
If an adult doesn't drink alcohol, that means he/she is morally dulled (prude) or is a former alcoholic.
The only public environment to socialize and meet people typically is a bar. *sorry kids. Hopefully your parents aren't too lame for you to have friends over.*
Alcohol is perceived as a necessary social lubricant.
To "party" is to intoxicate on alcohol (maybe other drugs).
And yet there are so many strict laws on the sale and consumption of alcohol. It seems that if the government could, they'd illegalize it. They tried that already!
The point: it is hard to find contentment amongst others without alcohol because of the perceived necessity for alcohol. This will be frustrating. Journey inward when you feel this. Manifest a setting for making these deeper connections with people.
I sincerely thank you for your insight. I went out tonight and this "ranking" that I do in a very subtle but habitual way was conducted at times, but I was aware of it. And then there were those times where it wasn't even present and there was just blissful social interaction in the moment. I had a great saturday night and wanted to let you know that a lot of it was greatly contingent upon the perspective you gave me. Thanks a lot.
Peace to you