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Resistance
When talking with @kaci on a thread concerning metta, I came to appreciate the notion of "leaning in" to one's emotional resistance to see what is going on. The issue for me is threefold:
1) Doesn't resisting the initial reistance feeling add more energy and focus to that attachment? When you work to change something, you reinforce the problem in the mind.
2) In meditation, I thought we are to simply be aware of things as they come up and let them be. Not try and change them through any conscious redirection of thought.
3) Our thoughts are not us and therefore changing them will not change the emotional root that we will when approaching emotionally touching situations. I'd appreciate some clarity. Thank you all
1) Doesn't resisting the initial reistance feeling add more energy and focus to that attachment? When you work to change something, you reinforce the problem in the mind.
2) In meditation, I thought we are to simply be aware of things as they come up and let them be. Not try and change them through any conscious redirection of thought.
3) Our thoughts are not us and therefore changing them will not change the emotional root that we will when approaching emotionally touching situations. I'd appreciate some clarity. Thank you all
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Comments
thanks for starting a new thread - we were drifting on the other and this is a very good point. i would start with a reply that is concise and direct from the pali:
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"Abandon what is unskillful, monks. It is possible to abandon what is unskillful. If it were not possible to abandon what is unskillful, I would not say to you, 'Abandon what is unskillful.' But because it is possible to abandon what is unskillful, I say to you, 'Abandon what is unskillful.' If this abandoning of what is unskillful were conducive to harm and pain, I would not say to you, 'Abandon what is unskillful.' But because this abandoning of what is unskillful is conducive to benefit and pleasure, I say to you, 'Abandon what is unskillful.'
"Develop what is skillful, monks. It is possible to develop what is skillful. If it were not possible to develop what is skillful, I would not say to you, 'Develop what is skillful.' But because it is possible to develop what is skillful, I say to you, 'Develop what is skillful.' If this development of what is skillful were conducive to harm and pain, I would not say to you, 'Develop what is skillful.' But because this development of what is skillful is conducive to benefit and pleasure, I say to you, 'Develop what is skillful.'"
— AN 2.19
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further, i would like to add that this constitutes Proper Effort - a factor of the eight fold path:
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"And what, monks, is right effort?
[i] "There is the case where a monk generates desire, endeavors, activates persistence, upholds & exerts his intent for the sake of the non-arising of evil, unskillful qualities that have not yet arisen.
[ii] "He generates desire, endeavors, activates persistence, upholds & exerts his intent for the sake of the abandonment of evil, unskillful qualities that have
arisen.
[iii] "He generates desire, endeavors, activates persistence, upholds & exerts his intent for the sake of the arising of skillful qualities that have not yet arisen.
[iv] "He generates desire, endeavors, activates persistence, upholds & exerts his intent for the maintenance, non-confusion, increase, plenitude, development, & culmination of skillful qualities that have arisen: This, monks, is called right effort."
— SN 45.8
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personally, i trust the pali as the best available record of what gotama actually taught before any modern teacher's interpretation of the dhamma - i use the pali as a correcting factor to weed out corrupted dhamma. i would also add that it helps to read a few different translations very carefully to begin to develop an understanding of some of the subtler concepts - but the basics are actually pretty clear. and, contrary to popular belief, it is _not_ suggested that one simply observe and do nothing - it is _repeatedly_ stated in no uncertain terms that the path of dhamma requires effort and deliberate, educated alteration of personal habits of thought, word and deed. however, one must _also_ develop the ability to observe habitual thoughts and discern which are wholesome and beneficial to be in a position to apply effort to changing them (for the benefit of all, including oneself).
cheer.
I think that question 2 holds the crux of the confusion for you. Meditation and the rest of the 8 fold path is not just about letting go of self and afflictive emotions. It is also about cultivating a skillful means of relating to the mind and the world.
The sense of "be aware of things as they come up" is true, but when there is confusion it may be necessary to see where we are acting unskillfully. We clear space in our day, unfold the affliction, and gain insight into how we operate.
Much like noticing a splinter. We don't get mad at our foot, lament our misfortune, or curse wood... in that sense we "let it be." Then, when the time is right, we simply, wisely, by ourselves or with a trusted friend, look close at the pain and remove the splinter.
It isn't always necessary, as the practice of the 8fp will cultivate qualities that naturally repel afflictive mental states. It can work in tandem, however, because it can show where our practice needs reinforcement.
With warmth,
Matt
"right" also means the right amount of effort which is an individual quantity; one remains sensitive to when it is too much (maybe causing more problems or discomfort than one can handle at the moment which is counterproductive) or too little (laziness .. a hindrance) - somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.
further, it helps to also remain sensitive to the beneficial results - this builds confidence in one's ability and the dhamma. for instance, i sometimes suggest people use a simple metric for metta-bhavana (cultivation of open-kind-friendliness, aka lovingkindness); count the number of times you notice people smiling at you and note the increase as the practice becomes more skillful. or, note the number of times you respond more patiently where before you might have snapped or quickly judged. or the number of times in the day when you just feel .. peaceful, unbothered. metrics like this can add momentum and enthusiasm to the efforts.
when i have free time I stop to to cultivate metta and sure enough there is resistance. a srt ofstrange feeling in my stomach..and a dash of anxiety. i feel the resistance but will continue to give right effort and eventually change the habit to where i feel at home in the company of almost anyone. thanks
you are welcome - i am happy that it made some sense for you and sincerely hope you benefit.
i thought of a couple of things to add that might help:
* use a fairly systematic approach - a set of phrases that you can repeat internally may help to guide the attention. if you look around a bit on the net you will find some traditional formulas. for example: "may i be happy, may i be peaceful; may (some friend) be happy .. etc.". its good to have a routine to fall back on when you don't really _feel_ "metta-like".
* patience - don't worry about the results; the ideas is to plant the seeds, water them a bit and be patient - eventually they will grow of their own accord. in other words, go easy - don't try too hard expecting something right away. you _may_ notice immediate results (some do) but it may also take a little more time to really begin to change habits of mind.
* if you get a bit stuck just remember your own desire for happiness (even if you don't feel that great at the moment) - this acts like a homing beacon to draw the attention back towards the goal. persevere. you can do it!
* it also helps to recall that this desire for peace and happiness is totally natural and _everyone_ has it - some just don't really know how to go about achieving it, do all kinds of weird things - remembering this makes it easier to wish them well.
cheer - i wish you well