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Trying Hard vs. Letting Go
Magwang
Veteran
To the newbies:
If I could summarize my change in mind-set after discovering Buddhism, it would have to be: I used to try hard - now I just let it go.
Before, everything in my life was a struggle, and in order to change things, I had to push and work at it, usually with little effect.
Now, if I want to change something (eg. lose weight, stop doing stupid things), I now look closely at my own attachment to those things (food, stupidity), rather than try to change the things themselves.
A subtle, but profound difference.
Try it yourself!
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If I could summarize my change in mind-set after discovering Buddhism, it would have to be: I used to try hard - now I just let it go.
Before, everything in my life was a struggle, and in order to change things, I had to push and work at it, usually with little effect.
Now, if I want to change something (eg. lose weight, stop doing stupid things), I now look closely at my own attachment to those things (food, stupidity), rather than try to change the things themselves.
A subtle, but profound difference.
Try it yourself!
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Comments
Wouldn't you say that there still is a struggle though? I mean, some people talk about Buddhism being a "lazy man's" religion.
I could not struggle with Right Speech - let go and just say things that are not right - but that's not right, right?
As for attachments, labels, ego, anger, etc. - yes, those things are good to let go.
Whatcha think?
-bf
I am at the stage of wondering why others don't just stop trying so hard to hold it together. Meanwhile, I am frustrated at their lack of clarity. A strange place to be, I understand the concept of letting go and wish to force it on everyone else. But, I haven't let go yet of the frustration I have with the fact that others aren't letting go.
It seems so much easier to see these things in others.
I would have to agree. Figuring out what our "priorities" are - and if these are even really priorities - rather than just dealing with our "ego". But you're right, sometimes we do have to follow these dead end streets just to see for ourselves. It is frustrating - like seeing a child make the same mistakes that have been made for thousands of years - yet sometimes the only way to learn a lesson is by doing.
As for your first post - I honestly think that "doing" is much more of a teacher than speaking. Even though Buddha was able to do the teaching - it is also by his example that others came to learn from him. I think the Bible scripture of "seeing a mote in another's eye while you have a beam in your own" is applicable here as well.
I believe that by one person doing - others may learn. To become frustrated at "their" lack of clarity obviously obscures our own clarity.
I honestly don't believe I have an issue with letting people deal with their own lack of clarity. If I can help and it's wanted - I'm fine. If they don't want my help - that's fine too.
But I have enough things to work on just on my lil ole self
Did any of this make sense?
-bf
Absolutely spot on Wickwoman. Attachment IMHO can be just a habit. We get into the habit of thinking of ourselves as something or categorising someone else as something else. It takes a standing back and re-evaluation to put it into perspective.
Good example with me is horses and motorbikes, both of which I used to ride in my younger days. I carried on for ages still thinking of myself as a rider who would soooooo love to have her own horse or a biker who really must get around to doing her big bike licence in France.
It took someone else's observation to make me think - hang on! When did I last ride a horse? Do I really miss it that much? Do I really want the commitment and responsibility of another animal and one that takes so much looking after? If I went to the trouble of doing my bike licence would I use a big bike often enough to justify the time and expense?
In both cases, the answer was no. I had just got into the habit of feeling hard done by because I didn't have a horse or a big bike. I kicked myself up the bum and let them go. I felt instantly better. I still stand and drool over Harleys but I have no desire to own one. I still can't resist going up to any old horse in a field and having a conversation with them but I don't need to own one.
And before anyone congratulates me - I do still have my Honda 125 which I use as a toy in the summer around the village. So I haven't got rid of all my attachment - just modified it - but I don't expect I'd be really bothered if someone took it away.
Gosh that was a long one for me - excuse me.
Oh, it's a struggle alright, not easy at all. Right Effort says we should work out our salvation with "diligence" (to quote Buddha).
I'm not saying trying hard is bad or that letting go is easy - far from it.
For example: Dieting. One way is to use all your will-power to resist that cinnamon pastry. The other is when you look at the pastry , watch your craving rise and fade away.
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I know it's just a song, but the concept of letting go was not easy to fully comprehend. And even now when we say we can "let go", it's not easy.
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Visualisation is a technique on which we rely very heavily in my Craft. I have recently been using it to let go of some unwanted attachments and habits and although it is not a Buddhist teaching, it might help any, like me, who are new to this and looking for ways of ridding ourselves of these undesirable packages. I'll give my examples as I go to illustrate.
Meditate on what it is you want to get rid of. It might be old hurts, people you continually think of as personal enemies, thought patterns. In my case it was my continual resentment against my ex husband and my mother. Frankly I've carried these burdens around long enough and they are boring.
Now visualise something that symbolises this thing you want to get rid of. In my case it was easy - I visualised my ex and his boyfriend so that I could see them both very clearly, as clearly as if they were standing in front of me. For my mother I chose a case of whisky because she was an alcoholic and most of the hurt she did me was due to drink.
Next choose a safe place. Somewhere you know you will feel peaceful and secure. It might be a place you already know or it might be an imaginary place where all is light and harmony.
IN my case I chose Mousehole harbour in Cornwall where I spent lots of very happy times in my childhood. I pictured this place until I could feel the stones beneath my feet and the rusty iron rail beneath my hands. There was a small boat moored there.
You can load your unwanteds into any form of transports you like - you are sending them away because you don't need them any more. Choose one that you find easy to visualise.
I shook hands with my ex and his boyfriend and handed them the case of whisky and helped them into the boat. I untied the boat and it started to drift away on the tide, out of the harbour and out onto the open sea. I stood on the quay and waved, wishing them well and knowing I won't see them again.
It worked for me. I hope it will work for others. BB.
Yes. I was making fun of myself and pointing out the irony that I am so capable of seeing clearly how others should just let it go, meanwhile I am not letting go of my desire for them to let go.
My teacher remarked once on retreat that people kept complaining that, "I had it all together before I came here." It caused him a lot of amusement that idea.
Here's one for ya, punkin.
-bf
Why Don't We Do It In The Road and
You Know My Name
touch me the same way.
-bf
I am choking on that one - bless you!
I told you I was thick. The finer things in life like sarcasm, double entendres, irony and hygeine escape me
-bf
What I think people most fear in letting Go of something, is that there will be a void, an absence of something in their lives, a hole where a portion of their 'Ego' or 'Self' should be.......The habits, addictions, characteristics, baggage or crutch they hold on to for sheer fear of losing part of themselves.
We cling desperately to this conditioning, because we are absolutely, totally convinced that without it, who will we be? what shall we do? How could we possibly carry on without it?
What we consistently fail to realise is that, by getting rid of the very things which hold us back, the void fills with something far more positive. In fact, I would say that there is so much more 'good' to take its place, it overflows.
Visualisation is extensively used in Tibetan Buddhism. I am sure that Palzang will give us good examples. My own experience is limited but I can attest that the White Tara Initiation visualisation is both extremely complex and very powerful.
No no, dear. It was my very "subtle" sense of humor that hid it away.
Right! I could say: "I certainly have my act together and I've let go just fine, but all these family members keep dumping on me!" :buck: :bs:
Much obliged as usual Simon - didn't know. We use visualisation as an exteriorisation of something going on inside - BF - no toilet remarks, PLEASE. The act of visualising letting go doesn't make it so, but makes more concrete a process that is already happening in the mind.
It's also used extensively in Neuro Linguistic Programming to help people achieve goals which they originally feel are beyond them.
LOL