intention vs effect

AMH

Not sure where this one goes, so due to a recent misunderstanding I have been examining intention vs the effect of that intention. So where out intention may be good, we also have to reasonably look at the logical effect of our actions as well. It does not matter as much if our intentions are good if the logical or most likely effect is detrimental. It is like firing a gun into the air on a holiday like some people do. It may not have the intention of harm but you are still reponsible if it hurts someone.

So I have spent most of my life paying attention to intentions of others and excusing a lot of behavior because I didn't get a malicious feel from them. Over the last months of big change I have seen that their intentions are not that importatn if the result is not good for me. And I don't even need to spend serious time working out if they undrerstand or not.

What happened was that a couple who are friends of mine have been under the impression i was available and interested sexually in the husband. A couple years ago I acted in a way that gave that impression but then I moved onto a relationship and didn't give it more thought. It was over and done with. Well when I started to have issues in my relationship they were very encouraging to me to lean on them and leave my boyfriend. They had ulterior motives I guess but they really thought this would good for me in some way, in any case I had already been talking to my boyfriend and working things out. I feel stupid and like once again I was just an object of lust. Okay I am attractive, I don't look my 45 years and I have had a lot of attention in my life. I don't wear things that are too revealing but I also don't wear sacks. And I feel really stupid I didn't understand what was going on. My boyfriend says that I am not to blame but we agree that they need to be out of my life now. I have sent an email telling them my point of view and deleted any responses I have had.

Okay, are adults really like this? I guess I am niave to think that people are not like this.

Dakini

There are all kinds of people out there. It's good to listen to your intuition. If something feels a little "off", even if people are smiling, or look like they're being nice, there's usually something going on under the radar. Pay attention to that little voice inside that sometimes says, "Something's wrong with this picture. I don't know what it is, but something's wrong." Your inner little voice is an important resource.

If the outcome doesn't match the intentions (or what you thought the intentions were), that's a problem, that needs to be looked at, rather than ignored or brushed aside, especially if it's a pattern for certain people.

I'm not sure I've made myself clear. I hope this helps. I'm happy for you that you're back with your boyfriend.

AMH

Yeah, paying attention to that intuition, I usually do a good job but in this case I was at a vulnerable point. One thing I pay attention to is whether or not my kids like a person. The husband super irritated them, my boyfriend and kids are fine even though we are very different in some ways.