Pema Chodron - Don't practice Idiot Compassion!

DaltheJigsaw

"Don't impose the wrong notion of what harmony is, what compassion is, what patience is, what generosity is. Don't misinterpret what these things really are. There is compassion and there is idiot compassion; there is patience and there is idiot patience; there is generosity and there is idiot generosity.

For example, trying to smooth everything out to avoid confrontation, not to rock the boat, is not what's meant by compassion or patience. It's what is meant by control. Then you are not trying to step into unknown territory, to find yourself more naked with less protection and therefore more in contact with reality. Instead, you use the idiot forms of compassion and so forth just to get ground.

When you open the door and invite in all sentient beings as your guests, you have to drop your agenda. Many different people come in. Just when you think you have a little scheme that is going to work, it doesn't work. It was very beneficial to Juan, but when you tried it on Mortimer, he looked at you as if you were crazy, and when you try it on Juanita, she gets insulted...


http://mettarefugedharmanuggets.blogspot.com/2011/09/pema-chodron-dont-practice-idiot.html

Thao

This could turn out to be a very good thread Leon. Have you read her book?

I am often torn between saying how I feel when someone hurts my feelings to just not saying anything. I had a teacher that believed that you should say nothing but just walk away from it, get over it and then be friends again or not. I have tried saying what I feel, that I am hurt, but it gets thrown back in my face with their justifications and insults, and I am no where, except that i have lost a friend.

Not sure what her book would suggest.

I_AM_THAT

I read this quote today on another website and thought I would pass it on:

“When a simpleton abused him, Lord Buddha listened to him in silence, but when the man had finished, the Buddha asked him, ‘Son, if a man declined to accept a present offered to him, to whom would it belong?’ The man answered ‘To him who offered it.’ ‘My son’, Buddha said, ‘I decline to accept your abuse. Keep it for yourself.’” ~The Buddha (as told by Will Durant)

vixthenomad

@I_AM_THAT - That was the story tha brought me to Buddhism in the first place!

Mountains

Love that story...

I_AM_THAT

So many different teachings in that one story...

Cloud

Love the concept of idiot compassion, and all of the other 'idiot' types. I believe Ajahn Chah once talked about this as well, when a monk choose to submit himself to whatever weather came instead of repairing his hut. Let me see if I can find it...

Once I had a disciple who stayed in a grass-roofed hut. It rained often that rainy season and one day a strong wind blew off half the roof. He did not bother to fix it, just let it rain in. Several days passed and I asked him about his hut. He said he was practicing not-clinging.

This is not-clinging without wisdom. It is about the same as the equanimity of a water buffalo. If you live a good life and live simply, if you are patient and unselfish, you will understand the wisdom of Hui Neng.

pegembara

Once a Cobra decided to be a good Buddhist and keep the 5 Precepts. So it went to see a Venerable, took refuge with the Triple Gems and took the 5 Precepts.

The good monk now advised the cobra that with the 5 Precepts it should not Kill, Steal, Have Sexual Misconduct, Tell Lies or take any Intoxicants.
"YES SIR!" said the cobra, and feeling very happy it left to go back to the jungle.

On the way it met a group of naughty boys who started to beat it with a stick. The cobra was very determined to keep its Precepts and refused to respond and took all the beatings in its stride. It was badly injured.

A few days later it went back to the Venerable and told him what happened, and how difficult it was for the cobra to keep the Precepts.

The Venerable said, "I told you to keep the Precepts yes, BUT I DID NOT TELL YOU NOT TO HISS!!"