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How do you forgive?
How do you forgive someone who has wronged you? How do you forgive someone who has hurt you so bad, you want to hurt them back, but don't?
My little sister is usually very rude to me (to the point where I do so much for her and, in turn, she talks to me like a dog and says hurtful things) and I usually don't say anything back. But recently, the anger and frustration at the way she treats me and talks to me has been spilling out. It honestly hurts to hear a sister talk about you the way she does to me. So much so that I've cried about it more times than I care to count. I've tried not doing anything, I've tried talking to her and asking her to be nicer (which always ends up in a giant fight), but it never worked. So I've been doing things tit for tat. When she does or says something hurtful, I would say or do it back. It escalated to the point where there is a hole in the bathroom door and I deleted her homework.
I am entirely ashamed of my actions, because that isn't me. I'm not the kind of person who hurts others because they did something to hurt me. Now I just want to know how to forgive her, because the only reason I am acting this way is because I haven't forgiven her for anything she's done to me. So stands the question: how do you forgive someone? What does the Buddha say about forgiveness, and how it is achieved?
Thanks
My little sister is usually very rude to me (to the point where I do so much for her and, in turn, she talks to me like a dog and says hurtful things) and I usually don't say anything back. But recently, the anger and frustration at the way she treats me and talks to me has been spilling out. It honestly hurts to hear a sister talk about you the way she does to me. So much so that I've cried about it more times than I care to count. I've tried not doing anything, I've tried talking to her and asking her to be nicer (which always ends up in a giant fight), but it never worked. So I've been doing things tit for tat. When she does or says something hurtful, I would say or do it back. It escalated to the point where there is a hole in the bathroom door and I deleted her homework.
I am entirely ashamed of my actions, because that isn't me. I'm not the kind of person who hurts others because they did something to hurt me. Now I just want to know how to forgive her, because the only reason I am acting this way is because I haven't forgiven her for anything she's done to me. So stands the question: how do you forgive someone? What does the Buddha say about forgiveness, and how it is achieved?
Thanks
0
Comments
This situation could be solved with higher levels of awareness, which would give you the ability to "see through" her actions. Usually the people who hurt others are actually suffering a lot themselves. So once you are able to see the true meaning of her actions, your negative feelings would get swapped with compassionate and accepting feelings instead.
Daily meditation could be very beneficial in this situation.
You might also want to research how to deal with people assertively, rather than passively or aggressively. Here are a couple of worthwhile links:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/assertive/SR00042
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14699-improving-assertive-behavior/
As for forgiving your sister, Metta meditation might help you develop a more forgiving spirit. Here is a good description of how to do this particular meditation:
http://info.med.yale.edu/psych/3s/metta.html
Also, here is a forgiveness meditation from the Venerable Ayya Khema:
http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/forgiveness.htm
Alan