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Happiness In being Alone. Aloneness vs loneliness

StoicBuddhistAlexStoicBuddhistAlex Veteran
edited September 2011 in Buddhism Basics
Hello great people of this great forum.

What do you think about being happy alone?

Does happiness comes from within and you dont need externals to achive this enlightened happiness?. I dont mean hating others or humanity. But could you be happy alone if for some circumstances you dont find anybody worthy of real trust(friends, wifes etc.)

Do we really only need what is inside of all of us to be happy?

Il appreciate your answers.

Comments

  • ddrishiddrishi
    Pardon my saying so but there can never be any internal happiness for someone who does not find anyone 'worthy' of his trust. We have to learn to get over this feeling and accept others to be as good, if not better, than us.
    2. Yes, there is a fountain of joy within each one of us but it takes a few years of meditational practice to get
  • Still_WatersStill_Waters
    The Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca compared the loss of friendship with the loss of a limb. Could you still live happily if you were missing an arm or a leg? Certainly. But which is preferable, to be missing a limb or to be whole?

    In the same way, it is possible to live happily alone, but having friends is preferable. We are, after all, a social species and therefore naturally drawn to each other.

    If forced to live alone, Seneca does point out that "The Supreme Good calls for no practical aids from outside; it is developed at home, and arises entirely within itself. If the good seeks any portion of itself from without, it begins to be subject to the play of Fortune."

    The Buddha advises us to choose our friends with care. We should seek the company of the wise and virtuous, but if left with a choice between foolish friends and living alone, we should choose solitude.

    Alan
  • betaboybetaboy Veteran
    People are bad news, so it is better to avoid them and focus on activities like music, painting, meditation, in short, activities which may to an extent limit social interaction. Being alone is a necessity; I can't even imagine otherwise. It's scary to be with people.
  • WonderingSeekerWonderingSeeker Explorer
    People are bad news, so it is better to avoid them and focus on activities like music, painting, meditation, in short, activities which may to an extent limit social interaction. Being alone is a necessity; I can't even imagine otherwise. It's scary to be with people.
    What a negative view of your fellow human beings.
    I'm genuinely curious, do you really believe this to be true or are you simply playing devil's advocate?


  • vixthenomadvixthenomad
    People are bad news, so it is better to avoid them and focus on activities like music, painting, meditation, in short, activities which may to an extent limit social interaction. Being alone is a necessity; I can't even imagine otherwise. It's scary to be with people.
    What are you doing here, then?

  • betaboybetaboy Veteran
    People are bad news, so it is better to avoid them and focus on activities like music, painting, meditation, in short, activities which may to an extent limit social interaction. Being alone is a necessity; I can't even imagine otherwise. It's scary to be with people.
    What are you doing here, then?

    On the internet, there's no such thing as a person. Everything - people, interactions - is too impersonal to matter, anyway.
  • vixthenomadvixthenomad
    On the internet, there's no such thing as a person. Everything - people, interactions - is too impersonal to matter, anyway.
    So why bother posting on a forum at all? Sorry to disappoint you, but there IS such a thing as a person on the Internet. Who do you think is writing this, a will o' the wisp?

  • ToshTosh Veteran
    I'm an alcoholic (recovered) and the thing with just about all alcoholics is that they tend to isolate themselves from other people. We normally end up severely self-centred - too much time to think about our selves - and deeply unhappy people.

    A large part of recovery is seeing that we're not so different from others; in fact helping others is a massive part of a 12 Step recovery process, which redefines the boundaries between self and other.

    Personally, having isolated myself from others in the past, I don't think social isolation is healthy for your average Joe; (I'm not talking about those Monks/nuns who go and live in a cave for years).
  • betaboybetaboy Veteran
    On the internet, there's no such thing as a person. Everything - people, interactions - is too impersonal to matter, anyway.
    So why bother posting on a forum at all? Sorry to disappoint you, but there IS such a thing as a person on the Internet. Who do you think is writing this, a will o' the wisp?

    What I mean is, we can't really know each other on the net.
  • vixthenomadvixthenomad
    What I mean is, we can't really know each other on the net.
    That's quite different from saying that there is 'no such thing as a person'.

  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    I hope I never become that cynical...
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    I am a bit of a loner. And I don't feel that the times I choose to be alone is the same as being lonely.

    But that also doesn't mean that I don't want people in my life, because otherwise there is a real void. As a former teacher and then school principal, I interacted with...well, literally hundreds of people a day. So sometimes on the weekends or evenings, I preferred being alone...to sort of catch up with myself. Yet, even then, what do I remember and cherish most? The time with other people.

    I think you sort of have to pace yourself both in being alone and being with friends and loved ones. What is the right balance. But, as several others seem to be saying, there does need to be a BALANCE.
  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    Contentment is being absolutely accepting of what is. Such is unconditioned but can be developed.
  • LincLinc Site owner Detroit Moderator
    On the internet, there's no such thing as a person. Everything - people, interactions - is too impersonal to matter, anyway.
    We have very different ideas about what the Internet is, then. I'm still me when I'm online. I found many of my best friends online. This site exists because I disregard the distinction you're making. :)
  • betaboybetaboy Veteran
    edited September 2011
    I hope I never become that cynical...
    Wait a few years, you will. Humans are sinful.
  • vixthenomadvixthenomad
    edited September 2011
    @betaboy - what exactly do you get out of being a member of this forum?
  • robotrobot Veteran


    Wait a few years, you will. Humans are sinful.
    I'm not sinful. If we met you would like me.
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    I hope I never become that cynical...
    Wait a few years, you will. Humans are sinful.
    Wow... I hope you can find the wisdom to heal yourself. That's very sad. What is "sin"?
  • vixthenomadvixthenomad
    edited September 2011


    ...and now let the thread continue.
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    :lol: :clap:
  • betaboybetaboy Veteran


    Wait a few years, you will. Humans are sinful.
    I'm not sinful. If we met you would like me.
    I am sure I would. But I am talking about our basic nature.
  • betaboybetaboy Veteran
    @betaboy - what exactly do you get out of being a member of this forum?
    I am trying to learn more about Buddhism, of course. Why else would I be here?
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    I am trying to learn more about Buddhism, of course. Why else would I be here?
    If that's true, then that's great. But you're acting like a troll. If you want to learn, adopt the mind of a beginner and don't preach.
  • betaboybetaboy Veteran
    I am trying to learn more about Buddhism, of course. Why else would I be here?
    If that's true, then that's great. But you're acting like a troll. If you want to learn, adopt the mind of a beginner and don't preach.
    If you check my earlier threads, you'll see that I've asked lots of questions on meditation, experiences, Buddhist texts etc. Not the work of a troll but of a sincere seeker, wouldn't you say?
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    Happiness does come from within, Alex. And "aloneness" is called "solitude". It's great stuff. :)
  • nanimonanimo
    Loneliness is a state of mind. You can just as easily be lonely in a crowded room as you can all by your self.

    Being alone is physical condition.
  • Still_WatersStill_Waters
    People are bad news, so it is better to avoid them and focus on activities like music, painting, meditation, in short, activities which may to an extent limit social interaction. Being alone is a necessity; I can't even imagine otherwise. It's scary to be with people.
    Humans are sinful.
    Since you are people too, is this how you view yourself? You don't sound like a happy camper. The cultivation of loving kindness and compassion for others is a core practice in Buddhism. Metta meditation, which specifically fosters loving kindness, is a popular practice for many Buddhists. If you haven't tried it, you might want to consider adding it to your own practice. And it might be beneficial to look for a small local meditation group to practice with.

    Alan

  • StoicBuddhistAlexStoicBuddhistAlex Veteran
    Hello People and thanks for your answers.

    I read them all and Ill try to sumarize some points as anwers.

    -Its not that i find all people bad or not worthy. It just that they can Die or change.... We should not depend on them or attach to them. So where is the real source of happiness or something that will be with you till the end?

    -Personally I have like 1 real friend and a good family. I care about them. But to be honest most of the day i feel i cooperate with fools or cruel people. So depending on others feels really like a suicidal thing.

    -After reading some stoicism and some buddhism i really enjoy the time with myself, im not runing to be with others, nor i am ashame. I feel peace when i belive that i dont depend on others.

    And if you guys have some time you could read this:

    http://www.messagefrommasters.com/Shiva-Shakti/Aloneness_is_Beauitful.htm

    Its a very interesting Indu mysthic with great ideas.

    PS: Sorry for my english not the best.
    mmo
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