An interesting piece on loneliness...

Mountains

From: http://viewonbuddhism.org/delusions_pride_ignorance_doubt_loneliness.html#8

LONELINESS

A description found in a webforum:

"This may sound a bit naive to some people, but I've just come to realize that we are all alone in this world. Sounds so sad, I know. Even when you are coupled up with someone who loves you, ultimately, realistically, we are still alone.
I remember being in love with my b/f and thinking to myself how I don't feel lonely anymore. But when we broke up, I was faced with overwhelming lonliness...not just because he left me, but because I was reminded that the comfort feeling I had with my now ex, was just a cover-up, a blanket of my loneliness. Does anyone else feel like this???"

My first reaction to this is; "Probably not many." This posting actually proves an unusually good analysis. Just like most things we do for 'fun and excitement', also the excitement of relationships is a very temporary blanket to cover up the painful and frustrating aspects of life. Ultimately, every relationship breaks up, at the latest when one of them dies.
Does this mean we should all be celibate and forget about finding a partner? That is not necessary at all, but we should not overrate the value of relationships into 'being happy'. Happiness is a state of mind, not a state of your relationship.

A tough comment from Lama Yeshe in 'Becoming Vajrasattva, the Tantric Path of Purification':

"Why are we bored, lonely and lazy? Because we don't have the will to totally open our hearts to others. If you have the strength of will to totally open your heart to others, you will eliminate laziness, selfishness and loneliness. Actually, the reason you get lonely is that you are not doing anything. If you were busy, you wouldn't have time to get lonely. Loneliness can only enter an inactive mind. If your mind is dull and your body inactive, then you get lonely. Basically, this comes from a selfish attitude, concern for yourself alone. That is the cause of loneliness, laziness and a closed heart."

An exerpt from a lecture by Shih-fu Sheng-yen:

"When I was in solitary retreat, I knew that I was together with all sentient beings in innumerable worlds. Even though I seemed to be alone in a small, enclosed room, actually I was in company with many ants who found their way inside, and there were many insects around the hut who created all kinds of sounds in the evening. When I opened the Sutras, people thousands of years in the past were talking to me. How could I feel lonely? Some people think I must feel lonely being a monk without any wife or children. Not at all. I have the 5 precepts and the 10 Virtuous Deeds as my wife, and my children are all the people who I have developed a karmic affinity with and who call me Shih-fu. It is only those pitiable people who enclose themselves and cannot establish a relationship with the outside world who feel lonely. If you keep yourself enclosed, even if you live among thousands of people you will still feel very lonely. However, if you keep yourself open, then even if you are living alone, you will still have a very full life. So open your mind and treat everyone as your intimate, virtuous friend."

A nice text by Pema Chodron on Six types of loneliness: http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1833

Mountains

I'd never really thought of it as being (essentially) selfish

Ada_B

It is also ignorance, since we are never truly alone - we are connected to innumerable sentient beings, with whom we are one. We only think we are alone because we imagine there is a difference between You and I. It is as if we are sticking our fingers in our ears and shouting "Can't hear you! Can't hear you! Lalalala Can't hear you!"

Mountains

True enough. I guess "selfish" isn't the right term, since there is no self, eh?

Mahuidou

Thanks for the article, I really enjoyed reading it!

Mountains

One thing that never seems to be addressed in pieces on loneliness - the basic human need for social interaction for mental health. True, some people can be completely alone with no ill effects. But it's also a well known fact that people thrive more when they have robust social contacts...

aura

It's a universal truth
and a very old story
that the walls one puts up around one's heart
on which are engraved:
"MY GUARANTEE THAT I WILL NEVER BE HURT AGAIN"
eventually become
the walls of one's own prison.

Please tell him that for me, if you should see him
He was always lonely
He buried himself in school to make it go away
He buried himself in work to make it go away
But it just never went away

I know how it happened
I saw when he put up those walls around his heart
when we were children in the schoolyard

She used to hit him a lot back then, you know,
with everything from words to sticks from their yard.
Nobody ever said anything
what could anybody say?
She was his mother.

Chiisai_Pholcidae68

I like the quote by Lama Yeshe; it is very straightforward!

Although we cannot expect our romantic and sexual partners to provide us with true peace, we can look up to them. If your partner is patient, kind, generous and forgiving, then he or she is someone to look up to. If someone has a partner, he or she should also be their role model. Likewise, you should be theirs. The married couple teach and guide each other. The husband and wife are each others students and each others teachers. Therefore, being a wife or husband means to pave the pathway of your "other half" to Nibbana. It is a Sangha of two.

Servitude is sacrifice - Dhamma is sacrifice. Serving a stranger, your neighbor, a friend, an enemy, or your partner is Dhamma.

maarten

Great post!

One thing that never seems to be addressed in pieces on loneliness - the basic human need for social interaction for mental health. True, some people can be completely alone with no ill effects. But it's also a well known fact that people thrive more when they have robust social contacts...

I tend to think that being healthy is (among other things, of course) dependent on having the heart open, and therefore the two are strongly connected. So a person who has the heart open feels healthy and not alone, even when physically alone. When we have social contact, it's easier to open the heart, and perhaps therefore (I'm just beginning to speculate on this) it's so important for people to have social interaction.