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How do you deal with the ignorant and intolerant in a peaceful way?
I live with a few room mates. All of different religions, backgrounds, cultures and idea. Something that I value as a writer because I love the concept of human existence. But yet their ignorance and intolerance hurts me not only when it is directed at things I value but in a whole that anyone can think like that.
I have learned that forcing knowledge upon someone is wrong and I hate doing that to begin with but I have no idea how to handle people like this.
How do you do it?
I have learned that forcing knowledge upon someone is wrong and I hate doing that to begin with but I have no idea how to handle people like this.
How do you do it?
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Comments
I'm teasing you, joieanna (love that name!). Have these people heard of common courtesy? Have you considered finding another place to live? This doesn't sound like a good environment for you. How long have you been in this situation?
In the meantime, you could spend more time in your room, out visiting friends, at the library, and so forth. And when you can't avoid being around them, try not to take their words to heart. Try to let it roll off your back, and think about pleasant things.
Law Of The Garbage Truck
One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in
the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right
in front of us.
My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by
just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started
yelling at us.
My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. I mean, he was really friendly.
So I asked, "Hey, why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car
and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what
I now call : 'Law of the Garbage Truck'.
He said, "You know, many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full
of garbage - full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it, so sometimes they'll dump it on you."
His advice? "Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't pick up the garbage others are trying to get rid of. If you do, you'll take it with you and will end up dumping it on people around you, at work, at home, or on the streets."
If you want to be happy, do not let garbage trucks - your own or other people's - overtake your day. Let go anything that's not positive. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!
Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.
I have never had a roommate that didn't irritate me, at least. I certainly never had one that became my friend. I now know that is normal, and I blame television shows for making me believe I'd have wacky hijinks and brotherly bonding.
The trick is to realize you're in an unnatural situation and understand that they probably find you just as frustrating to live with. You're not family, not a cohesive military unit, but sharing your most private living space.
And instead of thinking you can teach them, let them teach you about human beings. Why are they the way they are? What makes one person hold a particular belief different from you?
Memories. I had one roommate that after a year, told me he was a transexual born a woman and he'd had surgery and I swear I had no idea. He was the neat freak, throwing a fit when he saw me let my dog lick a plate before I washed it. Another roommate would use my toothbrush if I left it in the bathroom, and act suprised that I was upset.
So yeah, a learning experience.
understand and realize that all views are from you. there is no way you can know for sure what these people are thinking, feeling or really anything. you can only control and know your own subjective vantage point. thus it is imperative to start actively creating and engaging in your karma. change how you view them by practicing patience and contentment. in such response you will change them for when you change your view you change reality itself.
you can place leather all over the earth and try to change the world.
or you can wear some shoes.
@pegembara. thanks for the garbage truck story. It made my day.....
thanks to all of you for making my day
Anguttara Nikaya V.161
Metta is the deliberate cultivation of love and kindness for yourself and everyone else. The way to deal with ignorant and intolerant in a peaceful way to stop focusing your mind on their ignorance and intolerance and refocus it on your deep genuine wish that those people can be happy and free of this ignorance and intolerance. This ignorance and intolerance causes others to suffer but it originates from their own suffering and causes even more of it, for themselves and others. No one deliberately chooses to be ignorant. These ignorant people are also victims, victims of themselves and their actions. No one deliberately and knowingly chooses to be ignorant.
Similar to how a previously abused dog wants to bite people. You don't get mad at the dog because it wants to bite people, because you can see that it's doing that because it was abused and you feel sorry for it, you feel compassion for it, because it was abused and is suffering because of it. So your mind is focused not on how it wants to bite but rather it's focused on the wish for the dog to be at peace, because if the dog was at peace, it wouldn't be biting people to begin with.
This is a good article on what to actually do. http://www.wildmind.org/metta/introduction
This is a good video on it.
For example, when they are being particularly ignorant and intolerant (verbally abusive?) you clearly identify and name and applaud that undesirable behavior aloud in a very public manner:
"Oh wow! It's yet another meeting of the verbal abuse society! Come on, guys, you know that you can be oh so much more demeaning and belittling and abusive than that! You're just not trying hard enough today!"
It is a very simple thing to do, but it is highly effective.
Metta @thejoieanna
Lama Atisha one of the great pandits who turned the wheel of dharma in Tibet, whilst journeying to Tibet he brought along an old monk who just had criticisms for him. When asked Atisha said he wanted to perfect his patience. Atisha was the most peerless scholar in his monastery. Actually for people who really want to progress spiritually , when u have such 'maras' always disturbing your mind it is a method to develop one's good qualities.
U can't train patience with people who are nice. You train patience with people who are not NICE!
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is a good guarantees that one's boundaries will be violated.