The periphery of your Conversations

BeachHouseGuy

I was just wondering, do you often wonder what it's like to have different friends, ones more like you? Sometimes I think I'm not talking to people enough, the art of conversation, how important is it and do you feel fulfilled?

pain

I think the way you feel about "not talking enough" comes from deep social conditioning. Especially in the Western cultures where extrovert-ism is associated with being social, confident, leading, open and other positive connotations. In contrast, introverts are considered as shy, closed, distant or even incompetent.

I'm an introvert and I did not come to terms with it until recently. I don't like to talk all that much but that does not mean I'm not expressive, dull or lack sense of humor.

I always felt the social obligation to strike and carry on conversations and put up an outgoing persona around people. Now, I just relax. If I feel like talking, I talk. If I don't feel like talking, I don't. I don't sit there to judge if I'm talking enough or not.

Dakini

A friend who shares your interests and values, and has compatible character traits is a rare gem. Putting yourself into as many situations as possible where you have a chance to meet and talk to people will increase your chances of finding one of those gems.

Paradox

I used to feel this way, valuing my freinds who are kindred spirits over people who are not. But I now realise that you can learn something from almost anyone, and it's usually the people I feel like I don't gel with that suprise me with unexpected wisdom that changes my perspective.

Yishai

I don't like to talk all that much but that does not mean I'm not expressive, dull or lack sense of humor.

I always felt the social obligation to strike and carry on conversations and put up an outgoing persona around people. Now, I just relax. If I feel like talking, I talk. If I don't feel like talking, I don't. I don't sit there to judge if I'm talking enough or not.

I'm the same way.

Every once in a blue moon. I go through certain phases where I wish I had more friends and was more outgoing. But then I realize I prefer my lonesome ways with few close friends. Every now and then I hang out with more people and such but not typically.

GuyC

Hi Girllikesam,

I like the friends I have; both offline and online, both Buddhist and non-Buddhist. If you don't like (or, don't relate to) the friends you have, then you can always make some new ones.

The best friends, from a Buddhist perspective, are those who encourage and inspire you to practice Dhamma. These people are not necessarily Buddhists themselves, they are just people who accept you for who you are and admire and support your Noble aspirations.

If we transpose the Four Right Efforts (i.e. abandoning/guarding against unwholesome states of mind and cultivating/sustaining wholesome states of mind) onto friendships, we end up with:

1) Abandon unhealthy friendships
2) Not starting friendships with people who, for one reason or another, will bring you down
3) Cultivating friendships with like-minded people
4) Sustaining and maintaining those good friendships

Maybe try putting the Four Right Efforts into practice in the context of your friendships?

Metta,

Guy

thejoieanna

I always think about this. I am the only Buddhist my age that I know. I have good friends at church but there not people I have a chance to interact with on a daily basis.
I do dream of having other friends. But even though my friends are different from me I see them as teachers I value them for who they are. You can't find someone just like you. Because you are the only you. Yeah we all learned that in primary school but it's a good lesson.
Nothing can really make you feel fulfilled unless you are at true peace with yourself. Self confidence with no ego on the side really helps. And your friends and you might have more things in common then what you know.