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Avoidance of useless chatter in modern America
Does that mean no social life? The majority of conversations that take place amongst modern americans would seem to constitute useless chatter... How do you guys approach this aspect of the path? Especially in regard to work if you happen to be in retail or food service like I am where you are expected to make small talk (The term even almost sounds like useless chatter doesn't it?) with customers and coworkers. This one has been in the back of my mind for a while now so I thought I would just throw it out there and get some opinions on it. Thanks.
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Comments
it is neither useless or useful.
if you're going to say anything be mindful that you don't harm yourself or others. kind words!
no matter how insignificant you deem your communication...if done with sincerity and openness then all will respond accordingly.
sometimes its not what you say but you how you say it.
get what i mean yo?
Sometimes, talking about the weather to a stranger can be very useful - it is social oil, it is compassionate and kind, especially if that person is lonely or distressed.
IMHO too many of us are plugged into our mobile phones and iPods and fail to communicate at all. We live in a technology bubble instead, cut off from the world. Meanwhile, our fellow man is lonelier and more emotionally distressed than ever.
Avoiding useless chatter doesn't mean we always have to be heavy and discuss profound things; it doesn't mean we have no sense of humour or incapable of a friendly chat. We should be friendly and kind, and that often involves talking and listening to stuff that is far from profound, but that doesn't mean it's useless. Buddhism does not mean turning into robots.
Conclusion: amiable chit-chat about the weather or whatever (yes, I know, very English of me...) probably isn't wrong speech. Sitting around bitching about people, or fruitlessly complaining (another very English thing to do) probably is.
And no, I've never heard a Dharma teacher b*tch about someone, or whine or complain. Which isn't to say I haven't heard one say "Oh dear, my back is bad today", because sometimes sharing our pain can be beneficial. It can be good for students to know that their teacher is not a super being, but just a human like them. Plus it helps generate compassion.
Link deleted!
"And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech."
— SN 45.8
"Abandoning idle chatter, he abstains from idle chatter. He speaks in season, speaks what is factual, what is in accordance with the goal, the Dhamma, & the Vinaya. He speaks words worth treasuring, seasonable, reasonable, circumscribed, connected with the goal.
- AN 10.176
And there's the usual translation I found on a website that tries to mitigate this somewhat:
Buddha explained right speech as follows...to abstain from idle chatter that lacks purpose or depth.
It make me want to tell the writer, "Idle chatter is defined as conversation that lacks depth, so nice try but you're just sidestepping the issue."
So, a good Buddhist refuses to join into the social chatter of his daily encounters with strangers, family, friends, and coworkers? After all, if you actually notice what's being communicated, that's a big hunk of vocal communication.
(Coworker) "Nice weather today for a change, isn't it, Joe?"
(Buddhist, avoiding idle chatter): "Just tell me if the report is done, please."
Our inner compass should tell us there's something wrong with that picture.
As everyone else here points out, we are social beings and a certain amount of chatter or small talk does in fact have a purpose. It shows we care enough about people to share their lives and concerns and interests. In the same way telling the truth can be a weapon when misused, silence can also be an insult. So I listen to my inner compass. Being friendly means enjoying talking to people. But I'm not just talking. I'm sharing my life and including their life in mine. It has a purpose.
Just my opinion.