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The level of importance of having a mate, and being single.

BeachHouseGuyBeachHouseGuy
edited October 2011 in General Banter
I haven't had a girl friend in a year maybe 2, It's hard to have that connection with someone and then have it go away.. right?

Comments

  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    This has nothing to do with Buddhism For Beginners. Should be in General Banter or Members Only.
  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    Its only as important as you make it.
  • DaltheJigsawDaltheJigsaw Mountain View Veteran
    It's as important as you want it to be.
  • cazcaz Veteran United Kingdom Veteran
    Ive got some unfortunate news for you @girllikesam meeting ends in parting and this Samsara we live in will always be a cause of unhappiness and suffering for as long as one is in it, If you want to permenantly avoid unhappiness train dedicatedly in removing delusion from the mind and take any sort of relationship along the way as a bonus but not the be all and end all of this very fleeting life because future lives are so much longer.
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    I've been single for going on ten years now. Sometimes it's hard, and sometimes it's not. Sort of like life :)
  • seeker242seeker242 Zen Florida, USA Veteran
    I haven't had a girl friend in a year maybe 2, It's hard to have that connection with someone and then have it go away.. right?

    Only if you hold on to it after it goes away.
  • GuiGui Veteran
    I've been married for going on twenty years now. Sometimes it's hard, and sometimes it's not. Sort of like life :)
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    :clap:
  • ToshTosh Veteran
    Ajahn Bram gives a good talk about the following suffering:

    The suffering of being single.
    The suffering of being with someone.

    Both sufferings are similar in that there's suffering (dukkha) involved, but they're just different kinds of suffering.

    I suffer the latter suffering; and the suffering of having a teenage daughter whose mad about rock bands and boys.

    Samsara sucks. :D
  • CinorjerCinorjer Veteran
    Tosh is right, there is suffering irregardless of having a mate. There is also joy irregardless of having a mate.

    As to the original question, yes it does seem that for some people, including myself, it is hard to find a deep connection, and in my case after my first marriage exploded, it took me 8 years to get my head back together and even begin to consider jumping back in the relationship ocean. But one day, I met a woman and realized I really did want to know her in all definitions.



  • Ada_BAda_B
    I'm married (to another woman) and one thing I've learned is that being in a committed relationship means that you add another person's suffering to your own. So the good side is, you don't suffer alone; the bad side is, you don't suffer alone.
  • HubrisHubris
    True, the demise of any relationship is sad and hurtful - I am going through it right now, however we work through it, love ourselves (first and foremost in my opinion), and heal.

    By closing your heart you deprive yourself of a myriad of experiences, both casual and intimate. There are always risks involved in any relationships, however there is beauty as well, and that alone is worth taking the chance time and again until we get the right situation. Most people do not want to be alone all their lives.

    It's good to be comfortable alone because that means you do not necessarily need a relationship to validate your self worth, anything above that is a bonus!

    I hope you give yourself and someone else a chance.
  • AMHAMH
    I had 7 years after my divorce to be single. For a long time it was the very best thing. I made good friends with myself. There were a few chances to be in a relationship and I didn't really feel they were right.

    So now I have a boyfriend of over a year. We are totally opposite in many ways, Texas Baptist vs Buddhist, football vs movies with subtitles, traditional vs punk/hippy. Ahh the differences. So we have our miscommunications but we both have to work adn compromise which is a huge learning experience. So I don't cook tofu but i also don't cook pork. We watch a lot more TV than I ever have, i just leave the room for the news since that affects me.

    Relationships are a way to practice, very very much. However to have one because you feel you must have one does not provide growth and practice but distraction and suffering (okay some fun stuff too in order to be honest). A good one is a bonus like others said, so I hope the right one comes along at the right time
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