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seriously guys

ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
edited October 2011 in General Banter
I have reached a point where I know the path, I understand it yet do not fully realize it. Living in a modern society has so many tempatations that violate the dharma and I am very much prone to them, however i have this ensduring will to break through and be ordained, yet I am somewhat scared/apprehensive. Firstly, I have a skin condition on my scalp that if I were to shaver my head it would be so visible, but then again, that boils down to perception and what we all know. yet still, it concerns me, I would need medicine for such a thing. Secondly, leaving my gf, detaching from my mother which is the only family member I really converse with.

I KNOW inside me there is that will to persue buddhism to the extreme, yet i am too scared to do such a thing. Maybe the conditions are not correct right now, I do not know...

Comments

  • ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
    I do need some help with this one by the way, it is always helpful to hear of different points of view
  • ToshTosh Veteran
    While drinking and drugging you're probably not much use to anyone, and if you are now, you won't be in the future. Alcoholism is a progressive and lethal mental illness, so I think becoming a monk is a great idea.

    And your scalp problem will probably sort itself out once you stop drinking and drugging. When I was drinking I was covered in eczema; I was like one of those poor scabby dogs you see in poor countries and funnily enough when I stopped drinking, the eczema cleared up!

    Go for it!
  • ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
    I have had psoirorsis for years, its a little worse than eczma. And yes, I can see how this way of life is just continuing the endless cycle of suffering. Even two years ago I mentioned I may become a monk one day, then I was 21 at universaity, there is something there inside if you can relate to that statement?
  • ToshTosh Veteran
    edited October 2011
    Psoriasis can also be stress related; my brother suffers with it; and drinking/drugging is a stressful way of living; it's a hard way to live.

    What we think makes us stronger, actually makes us weaker.

    Do something, Tom, take some positive action.
  • ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
    edited October 2011
    when I took high doses of valium (diazepam) the problem was basically gone. So I linked the condsition with stress or fear/worry whatever. When I come down to a low does of valium the psoriorsis returns, it really dominates your life even at a lay buddhist. It makes you so self conscious, add the fact my dad has a new family and says that his 2 year old daughter will not grow up ugly like me... lol. That is something hard to overcome IMO.

    But like I have said, the more I practice and study,the monk/nun way of life seems the only way to liberation
  • ToshTosh Veteran
    Tom, I reckon you should do it; go and be a Monk. Who knows, it may just save you from yourself?

    Really. Do it! I don't know if you're drunk or sober now; maybe you've had a skin-full of booze and are dreaming about it; I don't know. Maybe you'll just wake up tomorrow, feel a bit groggy, and start the drinking cycle all over again. It's what I did for years; I'd have all these problems, then I'd drink and come up with lots of solutions, then I'd regain consciousness and have all these problems, then I'd drink and come up with lots of solutions, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat... day-after-day-year-after-year - until that solution I kept thinking of was suicide.

    I really want to shake you, but you're in Thailand, and A.A. says I can only share my experience with other alkies; not tell them what to do; and definitely not shake them.

    But I want to! :p

    You take care, Tom, I'm actually off out to an A.A. meeting now. I wish you were there, mate.
  • ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
    It is such a huge thing to be ordained as a westener. Nobody back home will ully understand, but I don't know, I am worried of leaving my gf on her own. She is not your average thai bar girl, i am 23 she is in fact 42, but we have been together for more than a year and i see her qualities shine through. I have just moved into a house, buying funiture etc, (whilst bearing in mind attachmnent) I am sure it is only a matter of a couple of years before it happens. The temple I visited already accepted me, I just wss not ready then
  • Bodha8Bodha8 Veteran
    Maybe you need to re-read the 10 precepts sober a few more times, before the truth dawns on you.

    With Metta
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