Prayer during time of need

makituna

Hi all,

I am not sure of where this should go

I hope you can answer my questions, it is tricky to write here. A dear friend of mine has had a problem for many years. When his family member was very ill and in hospital he was praying that the family member would get better.

During one of the prayers he had a thought/saying that maybe it might be for the best to end suffering if the person didn't get better, but straight away changed it during the prayer.

However because the family member passed away soon after, he feels, he is responsible for the passing and has had guilt up until now. I want to try to reassure my friend that it is not his fault and Buddha would not punish.

My friend has been told in Buddha talks that you would go to hell if having negative thoughts (even if involuntary) and can't remove this guilt and feeling.

Could you please advise any journals or discussions on this subject please.

Many thanks,
J

vintagelot

It could be complete coincidence I thought there was no Hell or heaven within buddhism!?!?

Its coincidence - its something that is not in our hands to control. IMHO My Uncle died of a stroke a few years ago and the stress of watching someone tough near you weaken that way Is tough. I felt similar too but its a tough experience for anyone to go through. What your friend felt is natural emotion.

Mountains

My friend has been told in Buddha talks that you would go to hell if having negative thoughts (even if involuntary) and can't remove this guilt and feeling.

Your friend was told "in Buddha talks" that he was going to go to hell? Who gave such a talk? It sure wasn't any Buddhist I've ever heard of.

I'm not really sure how to answer your question except to reassure your friend that unless he/she has been appointed a deity with supernatural powers, he did not kill this person with his thoughts. That's crazy talk. I'm not clear if your friend is a Buddhist or not, but either way, Buddhism doesn't work the way you described.

It's a truism that we create our own suffering. This is a prime example of that. Just let it go and move on with life... That sounds trite, but nothing can be done to change the fact that this person is dead, and would have died regardless of anything anyone said or thought about it.

Wishing you peace...

vintagelot

@mountain Sadly i have. There is a lot of things I have heard in Buddha talks by so called experts that make me surprised.

makituna

Well my friend's family and friends who are Buddhist they told him when he was younger Buddha would listen to and do all your prayers. If you prayed that you would have good health, you would. If you thought any negative thoughts during Prayer you would go to hell - according to the English translations after Buddhist prayers and talks with monks.

vintagelot

In what context does this hell exist? Out of sheer curiousity do you know what group of buddhism they follow?

Jeffrey

So turn it around and cultivate loving kindness towards himself.. So that when he meets his loved one again he will have a light spirit.

You can't live in the past. What can he do now? Scripture says that when a corrupt person turns back to the dharma (or loving kindness/non-secular) it is like the moon emerging behind the clouds. The moon was always pure and it just had to emerge.

Another way to look at it is that his mind was always primordially pure so any thought that comes up is not his mind or 'him'. It is just an arising. Better to practice kindness and avoid fear. Step out into the space of the world with the knowledge that you are born to be here and you can make mistakes. Its allowed.

A third way to look at this is that maybe he did a good thing? Maybe the passing was a good thing? Go back deeply into that wish? What do you find?

Dude

You should encourage your friend to accept that his thought was derived from compassion and empathy, and therefore it will not hurt his karma. Perhaps clinging to the hope that his family member would get better was against what his mind knew to be true, and that the thought that death might ease his family member's overall suffering was better for his karma than trying to delude himself from the truth.

Cinorjer

Hi all,

During one of the prayers he had a thought/saying that maybe it might be for the best to end suffering if the person didn't get better, but straight away changed it during the prayer.

My friend has been told in Buddha talks that you would go to hell if having negative thoughts (even if involuntary) and can't remove this guilt and feeling.

Could you please advise any journals or discussions on this subject please.

Many thanks,
J

Please see http://www.budsas.org/ebud/whatbudbeliev/303.htm for a short explanation of Buddhist Hells.

Your friend has been told wrong, or undertood wrongly. Buddhists do not go to hell for something like this. For that matter, what your friend prayed for was compassionate and moral, in that IF someone is going to die anyway, you hope he doesn't linger in a world of pain. I hope if I am ever at that stage, people will care enough about me to wish the same.

Hell is also a state of mind, not a destination after death. When your friend allows misguided guilt to cloud his mind, he is in a Hell of his own making right now. He also holds the key to leaving.

riverflow

Firstly, the family member's death was not contingent on the thought that maybe it would be better if he/she passed away. Your friend did not cause someone to die, so he shouldn't try to impute blame where there is none.

But most importantly: Intention is the key. If your friend was thinking it would be best for his family member to die rather than suffer further (especially if it were a terminal illness), then this was a thought borne out of out of compassion, not out of a sense of doing harm.