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The voice within
Hi everyone, while new to the site I am not new to Buddhism, that is not to say I am in any level of knowledge as my journey has brought me to Buddhism more than once, and every time I learn something new. I like to make the analogy to a comet that visits a planet once every so often until it crashes; well, I am a comet and Buddhism is the planet, I know I am bound to crash some day, and for that reason I don't rush it, it'll happen.
Anyway, the reason for my post is about the hardship of listening to your inner voice, the one that knows the answer to pretty much anything in front of you, I have been able to acknowledge this voice within me through reasoning and daily introspection, and in most cases I do listen to it, however, it has been harder and harder as of late; the concerns of day to day life, a job that while exciting is not exactly where you would like to be, and the feeling that other people simply do not take you seriously have definitely taken a toll on my mind, my patience and my willing to let go.
Over the last week I have had to endure the presence of one particular person who (while 14 years younger than me) has been able to 'humiliate' me in front of my peers and has taken the position to control something I hold dear. Said person is commonly referred to a 'brown noser', somebody who sails through life celebrating the doings of anyone in a position of power, and in doing so has showcased me as someone with less power simply because I have nothing to offer him (at least in his eyes). I would listen to my voice telling me that this person is nothing more than a lost 'child' who is bound to some really sad reality check down the road. Yet the fact that I have been mocked in front of others makes it really hard to move on.
Recently I find myself 'planning' ways to get back at him, ways that would show him the kind of power I do have, fortunately I am not really the kind of person who hurts and feels good about it. I do give in to these thoughts thinking that I have to wear them, get tired of them, not put them on a bag and carry them all my life thinking it doesn't affect me, instead let it affect me and sand the edges of it until it hurts no more.
I do believe I am entitled to talk to some of my peers and let them know how I feel. My concern is that I'll look childish and will be waved off. I know some people do appreciate me more than this situation would really affect, but as I said, it is hard sometimes to put things in perspective when you are in the eye of the storm.
Any thoughts, comments and/or ideas on how to deal (internally) with a 'brown noser' are most welcome.
Anyway, the reason for my post is about the hardship of listening to your inner voice, the one that knows the answer to pretty much anything in front of you, I have been able to acknowledge this voice within me through reasoning and daily introspection, and in most cases I do listen to it, however, it has been harder and harder as of late; the concerns of day to day life, a job that while exciting is not exactly where you would like to be, and the feeling that other people simply do not take you seriously have definitely taken a toll on my mind, my patience and my willing to let go.
Over the last week I have had to endure the presence of one particular person who (while 14 years younger than me) has been able to 'humiliate' me in front of my peers and has taken the position to control something I hold dear. Said person is commonly referred to a 'brown noser', somebody who sails through life celebrating the doings of anyone in a position of power, and in doing so has showcased me as someone with less power simply because I have nothing to offer him (at least in his eyes). I would listen to my voice telling me that this person is nothing more than a lost 'child' who is bound to some really sad reality check down the road. Yet the fact that I have been mocked in front of others makes it really hard to move on.
Recently I find myself 'planning' ways to get back at him, ways that would show him the kind of power I do have, fortunately I am not really the kind of person who hurts and feels good about it. I do give in to these thoughts thinking that I have to wear them, get tired of them, not put them on a bag and carry them all my life thinking it doesn't affect me, instead let it affect me and sand the edges of it until it hurts no more.
I do believe I am entitled to talk to some of my peers and let them know how I feel. My concern is that I'll look childish and will be waved off. I know some people do appreciate me more than this situation would really affect, but as I said, it is hard sometimes to put things in perspective when you are in the eye of the storm.
Any thoughts, comments and/or ideas on how to deal (internally) with a 'brown noser' are most welcome.
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Comments
then just do what you have to do.
have compassion for yourself and others.
the problem may seem like the person outside of you, but it isn't.
you view him as such because of your karma.
thus it is your responsibility to literally kill that view from your mind that you project onto him.
if you cannot engage with him then avoid him.
then practice and meditate more so that you can build enough moment to engage with him.
this isn't about being better or worse. this is about seeing your own projections and how they are yours and only yours.
being kind to someone who is a pain in the ass is real work. they are our greatest teachers.
start to view them as buddhas in disguise. we all know they aren't, but it's important to see them as teachers.
nice people don't teach us shit.
it is those who make us blow up that teach us about ourselves.
when in doubt go to the bathroom to let go of your anger. then go back at it and try to keep a peaceful mind around him.
have fun.