Substance Abuse

becomethesignal

I abstain from smoking and drinking because of the fact that it is extremely, physically unhealthy. I don't think that there is necessarily anything wrong with moderately drinking or smoking once in a while. However, being addicted to smoking or drinking (or other drugs) can be emotionally and spiritually unhealthy. I won't condemn people if they participate in these actions, even with my good friends. I won't say hardly anything to them because they all know how they are destroying their health. So is a person supposed to not say anything to those who are substance abusers? I have several close friends and loved ones who do these things and I feel lost. I'm not sure how to lovingly help a person change their destructive lifestyle. Afterall a person needs to have the free will to choose what they may and I don't need my friends to see things how I do, but I can't help but be concerned. Any thoughts?

buddhafoot

That's an interesting question...

I'm of the frame of mind that you can love a person but not like some of the things that they do.

I have a couple of friends who smoke. I don't say anything to them about it, because like you said, they know what it's doing to them. They are completely aware of their actions.

Is it my duty to change them? No. At least, that's how I feel.

Should I no longer love or care for them because of this thing that they do? No, at least, that's not how I feel.

I think if they are aware of your concern AND their actions are not harming you in any way, you've done about all you can.

Now, if they are wanting to drink and then drive you around town - I don't believe that's a good idea because now their "issues" are endangering you.

Do you want them smoking in your house? Well, it's your house - you can pretty much make whatever call you want to. As for me, I have one friend who comes over every great once in awhile and I let him smoke in the house if he wants to. It's my decision and I'm fully aware of what I'm doing.

Other than that - I don't think you can go around unloving someone because of things like this

Wait until you have a problem - do you want your friends abandoning you?

Oh... by the way... welcome to the site

-bf

federica

I believe there is wisdom in Right Speech, but also in Right Silence....
If the moment presents itself, and the subject comes up, you have the opportunity to speak your mind, skillfully and tactfully, and put forward your views and opinions, in exactly the same way and manner as you have done here. Who could be angry, offended or affronted by your phraseology?
Worth also expressing your sincere concern for the ones you love....But then, afterward, having said your piece, keep your silence. if you just once make your point lucidly, and declare your personal preferences, likes and dislikes, that should be sufficient.

Nobody likes the virtuous stuck record.


Trust me.



BTW... Love the octopus tatoo... is it yours....? it's brilliant.... Inner arm is very sensitive to pain so it was an opera of Love to get that one done, and there, of all places!

Knitwitch

I know from experience that there is very little point speaking to anyone who is addicted to anything. They have to acknowledge that they need to stop whatever it is they are addicted to - until that point there is nothing anyone can do. Once they admit they want to stop, as a good friend you can be supportive and understanding of their suffering in the withdrawal period.

If you speak out - you will be blasted, not by your friend but by that nasty little demon that is controlling them. Your friendship will be measured by how tolerant you can be. By all means don't allow them to indulge their addiction in your house/presence but nagging them will only make both of you suffer.

As I say - this is from my own experience.

colleen

kids/people learn through example
not by what they have been told/taught

the teachings could be there in offer but if a person isnt ready
to cross that road then it is to no benefit for them.

you could silently meditate, send them peace within when they
are in your company.. that is helpful
perhaps they will feel your energy.. you might be surprised how
silence can be very loud.
remembering to that if you "try to correct these people " you are
more than likely having a motive of satisfing your own ego.

let people discover their own path..

in raising teenagers i constantly remind myself.. i do not own them, they are
not mine to fix.
they chose to be here... and have their lives to fulfill and their paths to follow..
all there teachings are in order.. and not for me to deside when those moments
come.
hope that helps..
peace
colleen

Knitwitch

Good point Colleen - far better to stop it before it starts by showing a good example. Pity that most of the alcoholics I know had parents who drank like fishes themselves.

buddhafoot

(colleen....psssst!.... over here....

i'm glad you didn't run after your first couple of posts )

-bf

Knitwitch

So am I - glad you did!

wllwsmth

You said it all, Witch. If your help is unwanted...I watched my grandfather drink himself to death. He wasn't very old, only sixty. He would not accept what was happening right to the end. I wasn't even able to mourn properly, because I felt he chose his path and reaped his own consequenses. I have battled my own addictions and my hope is to a good example to my daugther. My purpose for being is to raise her well, and raise her to be a better person than me. But she's going to have to follow her own path as well. Free will, Fade, it all boils down to free will. The only thing you can do is express your concern and express your love.

becomethesignal

Thank you all for your comments. They helped sort out what I was percieving to be the best approach to this sort of thing. It's just so hard because I care so much about these people... actually it's hard for me to see anyone smoking or drinking (etc.) excessively.

and yes that is a tattoo of the octopus that I drew. The tattooist is an amazing artist and I'm going to get the code of the Bushido tattooed on my other arm. It really does hurt, more than I expected.