Compassion and sympathy

ClayTheScribe

How can one be more compassionate, but not sympathetic, as in feeling you have to take care of the person? What does compassion mean for you?

aMatt

Compassion is really just having the space inside you to let other's experiences be observed. I wouldn't worry too much about being less "sympathetic", rather, spend some time observing and respecting suffering. Notice how the "urge" arises in you to "fix suffering", but that urge is your own suffering? Instead, relax and see how suffering is normal, perfect and transient, a natural result of certain habits.

Then, when others suffer, you can see it, accept it, and be skillful in relating to them in a way that helps them on their terms. This is quite different than being urged to fix suffering because you wish to see something less painful. Does that make sense?

Hanzze

Karuna (compassion) is the wish to help others finding real happiness.
Mudita (joy) is the joy we share with real good attainments of others.

So if there happens something unwholesome or there is suffering the thought of Compassion is proper. If there is something wholesome happening or a release of suffering joy is proper.

We tend to feel joy if people gain pleasure feelings and we tend to feel compassion if people gain unpleasant feelings. Well, I guess the problem is that Karuna and Mudita are not feelings but thoughts or maybe even mind states.

As long as we do not good understand what is proper, its better to develop just metta (good-will) and step by step uphekkha (equanimity) will help to develop real compassion and joy.

Pleasure and pity is not the way.

*smile*

frequency86

By helping someone, would this truly be the most compassionate action? Sometimes, but I often find that letting someone pick themself back up on their own is often the most compassionate thing you can do. Pity does not relieve suffering. Everyone must find their own way. I'm not saying you shouldn't help people, I'm just saying its not always the most compassionate thing to do.

Hanzze

Compassion is first of all a thought, if there is a wise act out of it, a wholesome act it could be called an act out of compassion:

Accept Dana (charity) there are many other actions which can called wholesome acts, acts out of compassion:

2. Síla (morality)
3. Bhávaná (meditation)
4. Apacayana (giving due respect to others)
5. Veyyavaca (rendering service and assistance)
6. Patti-Dana (sharing merits)
7. Pattanumodhana (rejoicing at and appreciation of merits of others)
8. Dhammassavana (listening to the Dhamma)
9. Dhammadesana (teaching the Dhamma to others)
10. Ditthijukamma (right belief)

*smile*

ClayTheScribe

The problem is that I tend to take on other people's energies or their suffering. I think that is why I feel I have to put an end to the suffering. How do I stop doing that?

aMatt

The problem is that I tend to take on other people's energies or their suffering. I think that is why I feel I have to put an end to the suffering. How do I stop doing that?

That answer is what I attempted to address. My teacher told me "we learn to respect others' suffering." As we see others growing through the process of building their raft, crossing the river... there is patience and detachment that develops.

Hanzze

The problem is that I tend to take on other people's energies or their suffering. I think that is why I feel I have to put an end to the suffering. How do I stop doing that?

If there is no "I" there is no "you" or "he". That is why we try to get free from "I" and not "you" as this is just an refection we can not handle.

Look what moves you, try to find the selfishness behind this constructed thought. *smile* Dont worry, there will be plenty of work even after you had free yourself from self.