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Shame

formysoulformysoul
edited October 2011 in Buddhism Basics
Without my spirituality (or lack thereof) I wouldn't be as far as I am today, yet I am very afraid to go to a sitting now, but my heart is yearning to do this. When I was 16 I started to get myself into Buddhism but for the wrong reasons. Well actually, some good, I liked the meditation and the quotes made some sense but I was really ignorant. I ended up getting a prayer wheel tattooed on my back and a koi tattooed on my side. It wasn't until I heard the chants of Buddhists for the first time two years ago that I felt I knew I had to go about it the right way when I was ready. I'm a little embarrassed and intimidated. What do you think?

Comments

  • riverflowriverflow Veteran
    edited October 2011
    When I was 16 I started to get myself into Buddhism but for the wrong reasons. Well actually, some good, I liked the meditation and the quotes made some sense but I was really ignorant.
    I don't think this is uncommon at all-- I imagine most people come to Buddhism initially for "the wrong reasons" and ignorant too. :)

    Just do it! :om:
  • riverflowriverflow Veteran
    Also, there's nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed.

    There is a wonderful story from the Lotus Sutra -- it superficially resembles the Christian parable of the prodigal son.

    A summary of the story: "A person had left his rich father to another country for many years. He was very poor and worked as a labourer. His father tried to find his son, and wished to make him heir to his wealth. The poor son unexpectedly arrived at his father's house. He was frightened by his father's power and wealth. He regretted and ran away. However, his father recognized his poor son, and sent servants to help him and requested him to join them in sweeping the dung, but with fairly high pay. Although his father felt pity, he encouraged his poor son to stay at his home and work for him with no more worries. However, the poor son still referred to himself as a lowly worker, and kept on sweeping the dung for twenty years. Building trust to each other, the father then asked his son to take charge of managing treasures. However, his son was unable to let go of his lowly thoughts. Later, the father knew that his son had grown more relaxed. He announced to everybody that there was my son, who would succeed all his treasures after his death. His son was rejoiced greatly."

    http://www.buddhistdoor.com/oldweb/bdoor/0112/sources/lotus7_p2.htm

  • formysoulformysoul
    Hehe, thank you. I think that little nudge is all I needed. I just thought about it. Just an ego moment I suppose. =)
  • formysoulformysoul
    I'm crying right now, maybe just a coincidence but you couldn't have given me a quote that related more to my life right now. I live with my father in law and I'm working for him stuffing envelopes, and I'm struggling with my poor thoughts even though he has been good to me. And the fact you mention Christianity hits home too, because I treat all religions as one and my therapist was talking to me recently about St. Francis of Assisi
  • auraaura Veteran
    Growth is always a matter of readiness.
    Seeds are always planted in the ground
    but they never sprout until they have been blessed
    by sufficient rain
    and by the warmth of the sun.

    Please do not feel the least bit embarrassed nor intimidated,
    and certainly not ashamed!
    It is only in retrospect that any of us ever sees
    that even the rain that fell on us
    was also a blessing.
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