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New - Anxiety
leahnc
Explorer
Hi. I decided to look into Buddhism to help me with my lifelong depression/anxiety.
The idea of "no self" has created extreme anxiety for me. It feels empty and scary! I can appreciate it but where do I find the balance between no self and "feeling"?
I operate instinctively on my feelings to help others! (im certain most of us do) and to say I have no self feels like I'm to ignore my emotions? I'm sure I missed something or Im being way too extreme in my thinking like usual! Im the spokeswoman for Black and white thinking! Haha
The idea of "no self" has created extreme anxiety for me. It feels empty and scary! I can appreciate it but where do I find the balance between no self and "feeling"?
I operate instinctively on my feelings to help others! (im certain most of us do) and to say I have no self feels like I'm to ignore my emotions? I'm sure I missed something or Im being way too extreme in my thinking like usual! Im the spokeswoman for Black and white thinking! Haha
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Secondly, try to understand that Self - and all that it entails - is as legitimate, correct and worthwhile as Not-Self.
That's a construct to be viewed slowly and taken in peaceably.
Look at it very simply: If you take a photo of yourself of when you were 5 years old, you can see damn well for yourself that the 'person' you're looking at in the photo, is not the 'person' you are now.
But you were a fully-functioning, legitimate, feeling little human being then, and you are a fully-functioning, legitimate, feeling, bigger human being now.
The same.
But different.
Self.
But Not-Self.
Personally, I believe the Emptiness of Self is liberating; it liberates you from having to protect your self importance, and ultimately it protects you from fear of dying.
I try to see the Emptiness in situations that frighten me; it makes them less scary; and I'm better equipped to deal with the 'tough stuff'.
Oh, and meditation will help with anxiety, I'm sure.
Emptiness is not the absence of Something: it is not a container waiting for contents. Instead, think of it as 'Ultimate potentiality'. It is the state in which anything can happen and all possibilities exist: total freedom from all the illusions that bind us and cause us to suffer (samsara).
To say that Self is 'Empty' we really mean that Self isn't a solid object that can never change: it is not a little nugget inside you, waiting to be discovered. Instead, it is something that needs to be liberated from all the constraints that keep it isolated from the rest of the universe.
Ever sense that there is an invisible barrier between yourself and others? That barrier is the delusion that Self is this essential 'thing' inside. We build the barrier ourselves. Buddhist practice is a way to dissolve that barrier and realise that you are not alone, you are in fact one of a billion billion sentient minds, all connected and interdependent on one another.
If we say that Self is "empty of inherent existence" aka 'no-self', we mean that it is not solid. You can't point to it and say "There it is!". But we do not mean that it doesn't exist, in fact, for us, it exists a little bit too much! It is our sense of Self that so often gets us into trouble and causes us to forget that we are not isolated and alone, but part of all sentient beings. That is not escaping from emotions, or turning into a robot, it is replacing all the negativity inside us with compassion and loving kindness.
The analogy I have found useful is to think of all the sentient beings in the universe like diamonds on a gorgeous cloth. To form the pattern, every diamond must be in place, every diamond is important, and because of the cloth, every diamond is connected, although each is unique in its own way too.
To shine your best, it is important that you let go of the dull rock that imprisons you (the illusion of Self, of ego, that thing that demands your attention and tells you must remain isolated) and realise who you really are: not an unchanging rock, but a lively gemstone whose light flickers and twinkles and is constantly changing as it reflects the light from the other gemstones around it.
Finally, it is wonderful that you have an instinct to help others. You may find teachings about the Boddhisattva Path helpful to you: the ideal of living for others, out of compassion and to reduce suffering. However, because actually you are others are not separate things, but different aspects of the same thing, helping others or helping yourself is the same action. As long as you help wisely. It is not that you can be mean to yourself, for the sake of others: unkindness can never produce kindness; instead, you are kind to yourself as you are kind to others. You devote your life to compassion and kindness first, and the rest should follow.
What it really means is that there is no permanent unchanging independent self.
It's easier to think of it as "Not Self"
Many words in Pali and Sanskrit don't translate very easily and it's worth keeping this in mind when studying Buddhism.
So right here, right now, without any changes, you are good enough. I love thinking about how the difference between us and buddha is that we simply have not seen that we are buddha.
I would encourage meditation on loving kindness as much towards yourself as towards any other being.
if you find that the concept of 'noself' is causing anxiety... than you should forget about that for now and focus on the aspects of the 8 fold path that will free you from anxiety.
It is therefor a good idea to question previous concepts of yourself, esp after having revised your perception of reality -- after having dug through some foggy notions that we all grow up with and carry along. Buddhism encourages to pull away that veil and look at how things ARE in the present.
Are your feelings based on a sound sense of reality, or are you limping along because some people put ideas (about you?) in your head? Your sense of self may thus be skewed and amount to a misrepresentation of who you are - if it's someone's fabrication, yours and other people's.
This perception will continuously need to be examined; it's not an easy break-through, but worth the effort when you begin to feel more in tune with yourself. Once that happens you find a more secure footing for everything you want to experience.
For example, you may identify yourself with anxiety and depression. But that would be a mistake. Defining leahnc as someone who has anxiety and depression would close the door to your resolving that condition and becoming a happy, contented person. Our weaknesses aren't written in stone, that's the jist of the Buddha's teaching on "self", I think. We all have the choice to change, improve, and reinvent ourselves. Have you tried therapy to see what may be at the root of your condition? You're behind the steering wheel of your life. Make the most of it.
Perhaps consider starting to uproot the fearfulness directly, by observing how all life transforms from one state to another. A seed is not killed when it becomes a tree, it simply changes form away from the seed-state. The apple is not killed when you slice it and ingest it, rather it is taken as nourishment for your body and transforms away from the apple-state. As you grew from a child to a woman, the child didn't die, it transformed away from the child-state. Similarly, our bodies are not killed, they transform away from the self-state. The components that form all of those temporary states are constantly in flux.
The more we move away from clinging to the apple, or the seed, or the tree, or the body, the less potent the fear of those changes become. Perhaps as you look around you, you can notice, comprehend, and come to terms with the constant movement of form from one state to another. Then, the emptiness of any permanent state can be comforting, rather than threatening.
It is good to have a self. How else do we relate and move around on this world. When we realize the self to be an actor or pair of khakis we wear then we become more flexible and more of ourselves. Ironic isn't it?
When we cling to an identity we are bound to suffer. Change is inevitable. Change occurs in relationship. To lose the self is to find the self in all things.
Enjoy yourself and life. Buddhism isn't anout losing or getting rid of. Its about using whats here. Its about seeing clearly and then taking direct and clear action. Its all in your hands.
Besides, chuck a diamond in the fire and you'll see it's not immutable. It's carbon, just like graphite, only posher.
@Jeffrey: Why, thank you.
There is actually nothing wrong with dull rocks. They are beautiful and can be quite useful. They are not all that anyone is of course, but neither is a diamond all that anyone is.
To deny the dull rock part of us is not helpful at all, in my opinion. It may no longer be as useful as it once was, but it's good to realize why and how it was useful to us in the past, so that it can be sensibly integrated into our life.
The usefulness of "no-self" may be in the facility it can provide to integrate the fragmented, chaotic or maladaptive parts of us. Not to ignore or "let go of," but to understand and unify. The so called "dull rocks" have a purpose and that purpose should not be ignored. The feelings underneath the dull rocks may be too strong to deal with at first but with practice, the practice of insight meditation for example, a spaciousness can develop which may provide balance or integration.
Sorry for abusing your metaphor, Ada_B.
You see no purpose in understanding them?
What you expound is too advanced, and frankly of insufficient assistance to the OP and her specific needs right now.
With all due respect, how do you know what is useful or not to each and every person. The wave shifts and the entire ocean moves.
Please give us some capacity to move and the willingness to not believe you know always what is best.
Best wishes,
Abu
There is no need to jump into /what seems to be/ scary aspects like no self if you are not yet inclined or ready. Remember: no intellectual explanation, no matter how convincing or eloquent, or understandable - will ever suffice.
Only you can suffice, and to that end, a gentle course of Buddhism: meditation, awareness, gentleness, can be tried.
Best wishes,
Abu
I see your point, however I think the problem can be seen differently.
The root of the problem cannot be seen as explicitly as a fridge with modly food in it, unfortunately. To use your metaphor, we can't just easily open the fridge and see what's inside. And we may not be able to easily know how and why bread was put in the fridge to begin with.
I don't think "moldy bread" is a good metaphor because we are talking about a regulating process, not what is processed. If you throw out part of the processor you limit it's range of function. Alternatively, if you realign the essential functions of the processor it's range can be increased.
From experience I know that just about anything can feel empty and scary. I think that 'no-self' can offer the spaciousness to pay attention to our feelings and not get caught up in them so much. With insight we can see that we are not only dull rock, moldy bread or *precious* gems.
We can simply pay attention to our feelings and not deny them or get caught up in them.
“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”
On the other hand I am with Ada_B and aMatt, because when we see our 'stuff' we gently let it go..
On the other hand I agree with Jeffrey, because we welcome all of our 'stuff' as houseguests. Receiving each arising with warmth yet not lingering as we must move on to the next arising.
@leahnc
Be gentle and use your intuition. Slowly making gradual progress is better than wildfire burn out. As far as the fear remember you are entering into the place of the buddhas and bodhisattvas. And arhants. Remember at one time all of these beings faced the challenge of feeling this uncertainty and opening.. It can be scary and that is one of the reasons for refuge and practices like metta or sanghamates. Not to mention rituals, mantras, and so forth. You might want to read an account of the buddha or bodhisattvas, their lives. I haven't delved to much into that though others have said [book] Old Path White Clouds was pretty good.
Finally in confusing mental process remembering ethics and good hearted towards others is fine nourishment.
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Afflictive emotions, though (anger, frustration, etc.) are to be noted and let go of. Personally, I don't see how no self relates to it. No one said we don't have a self,anyway, but that point's already been covered.
Sometimes emotions can be used as a focus for meditation. For ex., if you're feeling anxiety, focus on it. Often when we focus on little aches and pains in meditation, or emotions, they fade away under scrutiny. Or alternatively, you could focus on it and go deeper and see if you can get to the source of the anxiety. See what comes up.
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