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Our deepest thoughts, desires, and intentions all show silently through how we conduct ourselves and our actions. The results of these manifest themselves either through cause and effect theology, attract or repel what's in line with or against the energy that we project.
Lately, I've been striving to know what it means to have the right intent in all that I do. Often, I realize in retrospect, that I was pursuing an illusion or going about something the wrong the way because I was acting from the wrong emotions in my heart or thoughts in my brain.
I am filled with greed and ambition, but toward what I *believe* to be a greater good. But the thing about good and evil is that they are always a matter of perspective, and I cannot see myself from a third-person perspective until after my actions have been made.
I've been beginning to catch myself in the midst of selfish self-promotion, wanting to take more from those whom I interact with than what I can give. I chase after my desires (whether they be monetary, sexual, educational, athletic, or even spiritual) with such fury and intensity that I often repel what it is that I love most by being too quick to make decisions, with an almost kamikaze "better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission" philosophy behind my actions.
Like the statement that enlightened the Siddharta...I feel as if I am wound too tight. I fear not dying, but dying without having completed more goals, and because of this fear, I often stretch myself too thin and struggle to accomplish anything at all.
I am in need of spiritual guidance. Has anyone advice?
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rather than focusing on your goals, try to stay in the moment making sure every action is in alignment with your morality and inner values. This will lead to peace of mind regardless of outcome. more often than not this will result in a better outcome, but when it doesn't, that's the normal ups and downs of life.
Since greed and aversion are deeply grounded, they do not yield easily; however, the work of overcoming them is not impossible if an effective strategy is employed. The path devised by the Buddha makes use of an indirect approach: it proceeds by tackling the thoughts to which these defilements give rise. Greed and aversion surface in the form of thoughts, and thus can be eroded by a process of "thought substitution," by replacing them with the thoughts opposed to them. The intention of renunciation provides the remedy to greed. Greed comes to manifestation in thoughts of desire — as sensual, acquisitive, and possessive thoughts. Thoughts of renunciation spring from the wholesome root of non-greed, which they activate whenever they are cultivated. Since contrary thoughts cannot coexist, when thoughts of renunciation are roused, they dislodge thoughts of desire, thus causing non-greed to replace greed. Similarly, the intentions of good will and harmlessness offer the antidote to aversion. Aversion comes to manifestation either in thoughts of ill will — as angry, hostile, or resentful thoughts; or in thoughts of harming — as the impulses to cruelty, aggression, and destruction. Thoughts of good will counter the former outflow of aversion, thoughts of harmlessness the latter outflow, in this way excising the unwholesome root of aversion itself.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/bodhi/waytoend.html#ch3
In other words, the cultivation of wholesome mind states is what overcomes this. "Thought Substitution"
Can I suggest opening up to your fears? Meditate on that fear and look the tiger in the face - that which we avoid will haunt our lives or hunt us down. Try this in meditation: What if you were never to accomplish anything? What if anything you thought you'd accomplished amounted to nothing? What if all actions were nothing more than complete failure?
Then let yourself sit with the emotions that arise, without judgement, let them come and go, then forgive yourself (and/or anyone else that may need forgiveness).
I've done this type of meditation often and it can be extremely enlivening and freeing.
Sometimes dedicating our actions:"may this person know happiness" may this person be free of suffering " as you interact with others can turn your mind to compassionate intent much easier than self analysis.For me, such phrases, often open my heart in situations in which I am not necessarily starting out from that position.