When you are sometimes crazy,...

AMH

I had the most wonderful weekend away with my friend, it was very awesome with days of hiking and hanging out with TV (I normally don't watch). we went to a fondue place before I left last night.

Then I was just going to poast about how to have that skillfull conversation with my mother when I got back (she came from Iowa and stayed with my kids) but now I need to deal with a crazy bout last night. She and the kids rearranged areas of the house while I was gone, areas I had plans I was working on, and I lost it (it is so embarrassing). I took the table I have had for 20 years that belonged to my parents and took it apart and put it on teh back porch. it was kinda noisy and not calm. It blew up into the same old arguments with my kids. That is its own novel but i am calling the counselor this week. often people suggest that bipolar really isn't different than other people however I have to really work with changes and going on vacation is great but very difficult. It is a new diagnoses and i am working on it.

So anyway my mom, first I had this vacation handled and didn't need her to come out. my girls are 18 and 21 and Tyler was supposed to be with dad. Okay she just came. Then she calls me on saturday to tell me they thought I was dead (I was in moab with limited service) and she gives me this 'talk' about providing my kids with lunch money. No matter what I say she just keeps on going about it. Then sunday i check in and she tells me they moved things, I can move it back if I want, and I need a plumber and lightbulbs in the storage space and to talk to my kids because she has been talking to them and they need me. So I text the kids about the rearranging and the next thing I get a call in the restaurant about how if I am upset I can blame her and I need to talk to my kids once again.

There is huge history of course, how she didn't talk to us when we were kids, how I have spent 3-4 years handling my kids mental illnesses, how my daughter probably didn't tell gramma to f-off, etc. But I need to not let this one go by overall and i have kept the dange table and not flipped my lid all these years because i always go back to her intentions and what she does to support us and everything. My son just got up and I said sorry but he is saying he didn't sleep and had nightmares so sorry isn't ok I guess.She is helping me so i was able to quit target, but do I really have to allow her to rearrange my house and tell me how to raise my kids as well?

compassionate_warrior

It occurs to me that she may have had to allow the rearranging of the house in order to keep the kids from getting out of control. Did she have a hard time with the kids, or did she say they were well-behaved, or did she not say? What did the kids say about her, I wonder?

You never know what it would have been like with just the 21-year old and the son. Anything could have happened.

Dakini

Moms! What I've noticed about moms is that some of them don't have good psychological boundaries with their daughters. They identify with their daughters , or alternatively, they can't accept that their daughter is an adult, and continue to treat her like a child. They keep mothering a fully adult person, and not in a good way. They can't let go of the mom role. And they can be difficult to talk to, if they're in denial of their own issues.

I think anyone would have flipped in your situation. Coming back from a nice vacation to all of that. :crazy: <---- Me, in your shoes.

Go easy on yourself. I think you're doing a superhuman job. And your mom is undermining you, and your ex is doing the same, in a way, by refusing to help. And they don't seem to value you at work. It sounds like you have a lot of experience, education, and talent, but you're not being paid for any of that. I wonder if you can look for a job that would compensate you more appropriately for your level of expertise and hard work. I don't mean quit, I mean secretly in your spare time (if you have spare time) look for something else.

AMH

Whew thank you, I am working on a few things to get paid better and I think feel better when i can use a lot of my skills. i am netowrking in the non-profit world plus making contacts in case there ever is a teaching job available. So i started this thing I read about where you put 50 job, anything that even slightly interests you, on index cards and then see what you get. Like what the clusters are like of job categories. I found some things that at least tell me what to build up on my resume.

yeah moms, I am trying not to be that way myself to my kids. She still gives me hand me downs that are a size larger and made for a 60ish woman. And each time we go through the pile I send them back or tell her I can drop them at goodwill. She did finally stop making orange jello with grated carrot, I almost feel bad that my comfort foods changed when i grew up and she does not make the indian food I crave. I am just doing silence on the advice of my aunt. If she calls and wants to know things I will calmly answer but i am not going to have the big heart to heart and I am calm with that.

Dakini

It's good to have an aunt on your side. It's good to have anyone on your side. You need more people on your side.

AMH

well this is funny. I haven't answered my moms calls for 2 days, not really that long. So she called my aunt to see if I had talked to her and said she knew that she had made me angry by moving my furniture. so she noticed! Let me tell you that talking would not do the same thing. So I have enough without talking to her still,

And for people on my side, i have some great ones and the ex boyfriend is being a good friend. He was such a good support. sigh, too bad