Peace in Mind

Anita

In Christianity, you ask for forgiveness when you feel you have sinned.


In Buddhism, what do you do? How do you learn to forgive yourself for something you know you can't take back?

Justin

There are no sins but, to make you feel better, I will give you confession. What have you done? There is no guilt in Buddhism, you can acknowledge that you have made a mistake and take the steps to correct it, but there is no need to ask for forgiveness except from the one that you have hurt. If you have hurt no one, but still feel that you have done something wrong, and don't want to publicly post it, feel free to send me a private message, I'd be happy to talk to you about it and help you understand what it is you are feeling.

Keep in mind though that right thought leads to right actions. Why is it that you feel that you have "sinned"?

Guilt is a function of many religions to control people. There is no reason to feel guilty for anything that you may do, as long as it was done with good intentions. You forgive yourself by accepting that you are imperfect and willing to change to be a better person. There is no "judgement" of you as a person, so you should have nothing to feel guilty about and nothing to hide. As long as you remember that right thought leads to right actions, and practice this, you will be fine.

Don't let guilt consume you, there is no need to cause yourself needless suffering, there is enough of that in life.

Brian

Justin said it really well. How can there be a sin when the only one you are sinning against is yourself? If you make mistakes that harm yourself or others, then the only person you have to confess to is yourself. As long as you acknowledge that you have done something counterproductive to your betterment, then you are taking the right steps.

Anita

It sometimes hard to except that I've made a mistake. And this mistake was actually hurting and degrading myself. I've tried to tell myself that it WAS a mistake, and that I need to realize that I will never do it again. I'm usually a peaceful person, but I've totally made myself mad this time.

Brian

We're all weak. It's part of the classic "human condition"

Justin

Do you feel that you can forgive yourself? If not, what makes you want to hold this issue against yourself? Chances are that there is a deeper issue here than the action/event that you are feeling guilty about. Perhaps it would help to delve deeper into why this happened and what caused this behavior that you make yourself feel guilty for. If you don't alter the behavior, you will never see any changes that you may desire in your person. Finding the root of the behavior is the concern, identifying it, and eliminating it is the goal if it is counter productive to your spiritual path.

Jason

Who is there to forgive? Who does the forgiving? Where is the self that needs this forgiveness?

Justin

If one's self is taught guilt for a lifetime, it is hard for one to forget these lessons. There is a change in the thought process that must take place to get past this hurdle.

Anita

So how is the best way to accept it?

federica

I'm sorry, but I'm going to post my favourite quotation yet again ( for those bored rigid, turn away - now!)

"This above all:
To thine own SELF be true,
And it must follow as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."

providing you do what you believe is right - providing you examine the consequences, real or possible - providing you weigh up the alternatives equally - then your conscience should always be clear. It may not make you popular, or "flavour of the month", but you can rest easy at night, & look yourself square in the mirror and say 'I did good, whatever anyone else may say'. Time will prove the decision. Others may judge it's results, but you should always remain happy in the knowledge that you nailed your colours to the mast.

On the question of meditation, I repeat a mantra to myself, or often pose the question; "let's see - I wonder what my next thought will be?" then I wait and watch - often empty-minded! Try it - it works !

federica

Simple. Accept it. No conditions, no recriminations, no repetition. Accept it, lay it down & put it behind you. (Ps: 'simple' doesn't always mean 'easy'.... )

Justin

There is no hoop to jump through to accept it. You just do. Perhaps if you can explain a little on what it is that you did, we might be able to help you gain some insight into the matter.

federica

I have also heard it said that 'indulging' in any feeling excessively, whether it is positive or negative, and not 'letting it go' is a form of Egoism... if you indulge the feeling, you wallow in it (be it "yay me!" or "poor me!") and you persist in keeping it alive, then that is feeding the selfish Ego and keeping yourself in the limelight, either publicly pr privately.
Quietly thank it for its lesson. Acknowledge that it came and stayed a while, has served its purpose and taught you what you needed to know - then release it. let it go.
It is after all yet another 'useless burden' we choose to carry around with us needlessly. Lighten up! Or as lama Surya Das once wrote: "En-Lighten up!"

Justin

Well put!

Anita

Justin is was a naughty sexual thing. And thank you guys, you've been a lot of help. Its hard to let something go, but your right, take it as a lesson and move on. And trust me, this will NEVER happen again! haha

I also want to thank this message board for accepting me and talking to me about things. ^_^ You guys are great!

Brian

One thing about sex:

"Naughty" is subjective. Think honestly about whatever it is you did, and ask "is it naughty because I was taught to think it was naughty?"

The way I see it, unless you sexually assaulted someone, you did nothing naughty. It may be only naughty because you were taught that whatever you did is wrong. Those kinds of teachings can be very hard to overcome, but they ultimately must in order for you to achieve freedom from guilt.

Sex is a powerful thing in this country, as many things are considered taboo, when in actuality those taboos are cultural and not realistic.

Anita

Well, it wasn't a good sexual deed. I mean I didn't assault anyone. But lets just say I was at a party, and things got out of hand. I did a little too much drinking..:(

Brian

I wouldn't stress too much about it. As federica said somewhere else, just "let it go"

Justin

I would be less concerned with the guilt and more concerned with the physical implications that activities like that can present. I agree very much with Brian, something is only "naughty" if you have been taught as much. Although you may have feelings of guilt and shame, these things were taught to you as well. To overcome, seriously, just let it go. Lesson learned. Take the lesson for what it is and remember the way you feel and don't do it again. And then, most importantly, move on.

Anita

Thank you