Self Actions

ThailandTom

Firstly, what is the most selfles, viruous act you have ever undertaken? Secondly, what is the most stupid action you have ever undertaken?

taiyaki

if everything is based on causes and conditions.

how can any act be mine?

Tosh

@taiyaki

All phenomena does have causes and conditions, but it will have a main cause and contributory causes. The normal example given is a tree. The main cause of a tree is the seed, but without the contributing causes such as soil, water, warmth, light, etc; you won't get a tree.

So, maybe Tom's talking about the main cause?

The daftest thing I did, when I was in the army, was go AWOL from the British army in Germany and join the French Foreign Legion and the contributing causes was being stupid and too much alcohol.

When I was in the army, I also got married, again the contributing causes was being stupid and too much alcohol.

When I was in the army, I also was done for assaulting another soldier in the NAAFI bar, again the contributing causes was being stupid and too much alcohol.

Hmmmmmmm.

Can you see a pattern emerging?

I think all this unskilful behavior was because I was in the army.

AMH

In both cases, giving birth to children!

ThailandTom

lol@ AHeerdt. Don't tell your kids. I am sure it is amazing having kids, but at the same time, your life changes and IMO, STOPS! So I won't be doing that.

@taiyaki, dude this is general banter and it is not meant to be too serious. I am speking of things you have done that were utterly foolish and things you have done that were the oposite.

@Tosh, you went AWOL!? wow, that is pretty dramatic. Why did you go AWOL?

I have done many foolish things, one was inhailing lighter fluid fumes and anti-persperent all night with a friend, trying to get something out of a toaster that was switch on with two knives, the list is endless. On the flip side, Moving to Thailand was a great idea, and giving money to people who need it whenever I can.

Jeffrey

The most selfless and the most stupid thing was stay with and support my girl friend (not girlfriend rather friend with perks) while she was finding herself and drinking too much. So I put up with a lot and I suppose she could say the same. Now she has found herself and is graduating from pharmacy school soon. She saved herself but I helped her for sure.

Tosh

I regularly find myself helping new guys in A.A.. At present I've got four at some stage between Steps 1 and 4, which can be fairly time consuming. I try to meet up with each once-per-week for a formal one-to-one. It basically entails going through the Big Book, the basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous, explaining from an A.A. point of view the intricacies of the problem, what the spiritual solution is, sharing my experience of recovery, showing the guy how to take a moral inventory of himself, exploring his past by looking at his resentments, fears, how he's used sex, and people/institutions he's harmed. He gets these on paper, and then we have a long chat about it. Then he's encouraged to make amends to those people he has harmed.

Then I'm to guide them through the daily maintenance steps, which is just a spiritual practise which involves mindfulness, prayer and meditation, and helping others.

It's a long process, I often receive telephone calls, daily in some cases from some of the guys, and all of this often feels selfless, since sometimes it's inconvenient, or I suffer with 'neglected wife syndrome'.

So, I'm often in a tight spot where I have to balance family with helping others. And sometimes, if I'm to be honest, I just can't be bothered to help others; but A.A. is very clever. It boxes me in to making sure I do help others. And how could I possibly relapse and drink again after taking so many guys through the 12 Steps? Very clever.

It seems like other A.A. members in my area aren't pulling their weight, but I'm hoping if I can get enough guys through the program, some of them might start getting stuck in and helping others, making my life a little bit easier.

I'm whinging aren't I? Despite my whinging, it's immensely rewarding to be part of another man's recovery; when I see someone come into A.A. bent and twisted, close to suicide and seriously unwell, and see them stop drinking, do the 12 Steps, have that 'change of attitude' towards life, and grow into a happier and better human being; it really does make me feel quite mushy inside.

But none of this is really 'selfless'. I help others because it makes me feel good.

ThailandTom

You were not whinging Tosh, you were just saying what is considered quite a few words in a post lol.

I can relate to your situation with the aspect of juggling one part of your life with your partnership. In this period there are often big rifts with me and my GF and it is always the same thing. I am working my socks off on the net desiging T-shirts for a friend, designing things for my portfolio, writing things, basically spending a lot of time on the computer because I really need to get this kicked into action. Without motivation plus effort, how can it be accomplished?
My GF actually said one day she is jealous of my computer. She works from 6am-3/5pm and I normally wake up around 10-noon. I go to sleep often when she goes to work, so she feels alone when she is in bed. (for the record, we are not a celibate couple) lol. But she often will wake up and be so subdued, sad and it can lead to arguments.

I just find it so hard to leave my work and get into bed. I know it would be comforting to her for me just to sleep there alongside her, but I am nocturnal as I fell along time into a horrid sleeping pattern.

Anyway, Tosh you have a great heart and good luck with getting those members to start doing the same hard work as you, it must be draining sometimes..