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Am I "normal"?!

MrsKarmadilloMrsKarmadillo
edited March 2006 in Buddhism Basics
WARNING: This message is a meaningless rant - please do not read!

Hi all,

Having been looking into buddhism for a couple of months now, I'm finding it a bit of a rollercoaster.

I have days when everything makes complete sense to me and others, like today, when I feel like my poor lil brain can't cope with all the new thoughts it's having!

Some days I can read books, websites, messages here and feel like I have so many moments of realisation and clarity (yes, even though I'm pretty quiet here yet, you lot actually contribute to those little moments quite a lot!:bowdown: )

Today, however, I'm feeling very negative - no, maybe not negative - daunted? Reading the forum today I feel totally dumbfounded by some posts (ZM! :scratch: :poke: :D )

Maybe it's just me....... maybe I need more sleep....... just, sometimes .... I feel so ....
STOOPID!!:banghead:

So, is this normal?! Maybe today I'm trying to think too hard? Maybe I should take a day off and do something really inane:D

Sas

Comments

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited March 2006
    Zees eeez abdzolootlee norrrrrmal mein deeer....
    Ve hav ze klassik keisse of neuvral offerload....
    Lie dauvn een a darrrrk rrrrrooooom forrr six days. It vill Passss!!!

    MrsK...
    Don't fret. Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't try to draw it all in, and expect to undertand it in one go.
    It won't work.
    Just absorb what you can at your own pace, and let it all gradually make sense in its own time.
    And it will.
    If, like me, you don't seem to be able to get past the Four Noble Truths, the Eighfold Path and the Five Precepts - stick with them. They are, after all the fundamental basis of the Buddha's Teachings. The rest kind of creeps up on you and dawns on you after a while. Trust me. I felt like you do for a long time - and I hadn't found a forum on which to rant!

    Relax. Enjoy!! It's not a test of endurance, or a competition....:)
  • MrsKarmadilloMrsKarmadillo
    edited March 2006
    Thanks Fede :)

    I know, really, it's just sooo frustrating sometimes..... I need to chill, yes, that's a plan!

    The darkened room for 6 days sounds great! Hmmmm Fede, would you ehhhhhhh *clears throat* I mean, well, I hear you're a great babysitter? :D Honestly, they're nooooo trouble..... they're only 3 feet tall, how much trouble could they be? :o:p

    Sas:D
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited March 2006
    I'm only 4'10" so probably quite a bit.... But it's ok... I have a cattle prod.....:D
  • MakarovMakarov Explorer
    edited March 2006
    A 4ft 10 inch, French Dancing Chicken armed with a cattle prod and a german accent responds to a post about being normal? Hmmmm, I wonder....LOL. You guys are a hoot! The smiles are contageous and the advice priceless. You folks are great!
  • HermanHesseHermanHesse
    edited March 2006
    Dear Mr K

    Just stay from those Kadampa muppets are you will be fine.

    HH
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited March 2006
    Makarov wrote:
    A 4ft 10 inch, French Dancing Chicken armed with a cattle prod and a german accent responds to a post about being normal? Hmmmm, I wonder....LOL. You guys are a hoot! The smiles are contageous and the advice priceless. You folks are great!

    You see.....? We have found the level....!! :grr: :lol:
  • MrsKarmadilloMrsKarmadillo
    edited March 2006
    federica wrote:
    I'm only 4'10" so probably quite a bit.... But it's ok... I have a cattle prod.....:D

    Smashing! Shouldn't be needed though, the cages are quite sturdy ;)
  • AirmechAirmech
    edited March 2006
    Join the club Mrs K. We all feel daunted by things at times. Just try to take things at your own pace and in your own time.
  • zenmonk_genryuzenmonk_genryu
    edited March 2006
    Mrs Karmadillo, if it's any consolation - this practice isn't something that's done intellectually or up in our heads. It really is a physical, body/mind practice. You'll often find an inverse ratio between the reliance on Sutra quotes, arguments about the use of particular terms in relation to their Pali or Sanskrit meanings and so forth, in direct proportion to the level of realisation. This is not to say that such things don't have a place, and there are members here that can post such quotes in a way that contributes to clarification. The essence of the Dharma is very simple though. It's not a set of beliefs, a different way of thinking, or something that you learn as you learn information in a classroom. What it is is a practical path centered on awareness, something that is not dependant on one's level of intellect, one's familiarity with texts in other languages or one's academic qualifications. Often in fact, so called Buddhist scholars are among the most deluded when it comes to actually seeing things as they are.

    So for example, if one looks directly and doesn't then try to cover up what is seen with opinions, rationalisations and so on - it can be clearly seen that such ideas as existence and non existence are just that - ideas. It can also be seen clearly that there is no permanant abiding self, no transcendant self or anything of the sort, and that all things are interdependant. Buddhist teaching isn't a set of doctrines that one must subscribe to, but a description of what is seen and experienced when we see things as they are. And the fact is that we all do see things as they are but then don't trust what is seen. This is why the attempts of those who try to turn the Buddha's teachings into such a set of doctrines, which only they understand clearly, such as the individual trying to maintain that the Buddha taught that there was a transcendant self for example, in one of the threads in the forums, is doomed to failure. When someone truly does see they see the same thing, regardless of their opinions or beliefs. And they see clearly and without doubt that there simply no such thing as self.

    We are so addicted to the fiction of an abiding self that often we think we can either figure out the teachings in our heads, or we have to reinterprate them in a way that suits our beliefs. Neither way is practice and neither way will bring us one step closer to awakening. If I tell you that you are already Buddha, that you already have everything that is required in order to be enlightened, it makes not one bit of difference to how you actually feel. On the other hand, if you look directly for any such thing as a self, you see instantly and clearly that there is no such thing, that nothing seperates you from others and that there is nothing binding you. Now it may take many years of practice before that simple fact of seeing eventually clicks, but in that process - rather than learning intellectually, there is a process of unlearning, of letting go of all that is unecessary - and all beliefs are unecessary, all beliefs are ultimately untrue.

    This, from Steve Hagen's book, 'Buddhism Plain and Simple', might be of use:

    The fact is, Reality doesn't need to be explained. Indeed, it's the one thing that doesn't need explaining. Truth and Reality are self evident. What's to explain regarding thus - regarding the world as it actually is? What can we say about thus that doesn't remove us from it? The moment we try to capture and encapsulate Truth, we have paradox, confusion, contention, doubt and strife.

    We make this mistake repeatedly - and we only rarely notice we're making it. Instead, we search for an ever more detailed, complex, and "accurate" form of encapsulation. But what purpose does it serve to deny actual experience in order to run with an idea instead? We can't comprehend Reality with out intellects. We can't pull it into a static view of some thing. All our explanations are necessarily provisional. They're just rigid frames of what is actually motion and fluidity. In other words, if you can think of how Reality is, you can be sure that's how it isn't. Reality simply cannot be put into conceptual form - not even through analogy, for there's nothing like it. Reality simply doesn't fit into concepts at all.

    Nevertheless, Reality is something you can see. You can't conceive of it, but you can perceive it...

    Whatever we hold up as "the meaning of life" will ultimately show itself to be hollow, or false, or contradictory. Yet we keep digging in that same bag, continuing to search fruitlessly for a conceptual explanation. Either that or we fall into despair. We've tried this, we've tried that, we've tried the next thing, and the next. We've become sophisticated, jaded. After all our searching, all the philosophy and science that we've labored on for centuries, it's becoming very hard to find a story we can buy.

    Liberation of mind is realizing that we don't need to buy any story at all. It's realizing that before our confused thought, there actually is Reality. We can see it. All we have to do is learn to fully engage in this moment as it has come to be. For this, the eightfold path points the way.

    The deep, hollow aching of the heart arises from a life in search of meaning. But it's by our very desire to find meaning that we create meaninglessness. The very idea of looking for purpose and meaning arises from our deluded thought. When we actually see Reality for what it is, all questions of meaning are transcended, and we're free to engage the world as it actually is.
  • DharmaKittenDharmaKitten
    edited March 2006
    MrsKarmadillo wrote:
    So, is this normal?! Maybe today I'm trying to think too hard? Maybe I should take a day off and do something really inane:D

    Sas

    Yep. Yep. And Yep.
  • MrsKarmadilloMrsKarmadillo
    edited March 2006
    Thanks so much all for your reassurance :)

    And thanks ZM for taking the time to make your informative reply :D
    Mrs Karmadillo, if it's any consolation - this practice isn't something that's done intellectually or up in our heads.

    Yuhuh I know but I'm soooooo nosy! ;)

    I have the Hagen book.... I haven't got round to reading it yet though, as I already started 3 others :wow: ...... which is exactly my problem! LOL :lol:

    So, I'm gonna slow down, chill out, n take it slow (and try one book at a time!)

    I'm going to relax today and I'm going to meditate for the first time.. that might help :)

    Thanks all :)

    Sas
    *a little less lost than yesterday* :thumbsup:
  • zenmonk_genryuzenmonk_genryu
    edited March 2006
    I'd suggest starting with 5 minutes - bring the target up close as it were, and don't worry too much about posture or breathing, as much as being naturally upright and as still as possible. It takes the body/mind a while to adapt and will likely bring up a fair amount of resistance too. You'll suddenly remember that thing that you really have to do right this second and so on, or you'll feel all sorts of itches and niggling pain here and there, that vanish as soon as you move. But, as Dogen was most emphatic in saying - the very first sitting is already full and complete and no less than the sitting of the most accomplished Master (using the term to mean both male and female teachers). That's not an exaggeration. There really is no difference. And yes, it's a 'crazy' practice. I remember hearing a Dharma talk by Dosho Port Sensei that brought it home just how odd this practice is, how 'against the current of so called normality it is. He was talking about how some young kids saw all the cars out at the place where the Zen group was holding a retreat and thought it was a party, so they turned up with cans of beer, big smiles and lots of enthusiasm. When Dosho explained that they were welcome to join, but, "mostly we sit still in front of a wall for seven days," they suddenly disappeared, beer and all. As my teacher once put it, "If you think your practice is something special, go and try to sell it to someone". Yet it is paradoxically the only way to be truly sane.
  • MrsKarmadilloMrsKarmadillo
    edited March 2006
    Thanks ZM :) I'll try 5 minutes later this afternoon and see how it goes.

    You're all so supportive, thanks again!

    Sas :buck:
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