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competition, avoidance and jumping in
One of the downsides of high empathy is that competition can be very painful. Feeling everyone around (even when shielding a little) who has strong emotions is difficult and it is often easier to just back off. I know as early as 3rd grade I can recall making sure I turned in my timed math tests 2nd instead of 1st, sometimes doing the math test 1 1/2 times to do that. Even job searches are hard because when I know others going for the same job I want to back off. Sometimes I also feel that 'bad competition', like feeling so great that I am the best. Usually you get something that shows you others have a lot to offer, and that used to make me want to also give up the competition.
So I really really want something. I want to go to a conference in California for out of school time providers. It sounds soooo cool, and it is near where I used to live so maybe I can see a friend out there. I know at least one other person wants to go and only one of us can so we had to write letters of interest. I hesitated in both the feeling of how I would feel if she was chosen and how I would feel if I was chosen and almost said that my day was too busy to get to the letter. But I worked like crazy to get all the other work done and wrote the letter. I am very happy with it, it took a balance of not feeling like a braggart but also really putting out there why I was the best candidate.
So this is where the Buddhism hits the road, to not be attached to whether or not I am chosen is one thing, to simply not try because there are uncomfortable feelings is another. And then the very human urge to trash talk the other person in my head to justify me going (you know her clothes are not as professional and besides she is buddies with our boss so that would be the reason she is chosen, etc.)
So I really really want something. I want to go to a conference in California for out of school time providers. It sounds soooo cool, and it is near where I used to live so maybe I can see a friend out there. I know at least one other person wants to go and only one of us can so we had to write letters of interest. I hesitated in both the feeling of how I would feel if she was chosen and how I would feel if I was chosen and almost said that my day was too busy to get to the letter. But I worked like crazy to get all the other work done and wrote the letter. I am very happy with it, it took a balance of not feeling like a braggart but also really putting out there why I was the best candidate.
So this is where the Buddhism hits the road, to not be attached to whether or not I am chosen is one thing, to simply not try because there are uncomfortable feelings is another. And then the very human urge to trash talk the other person in my head to justify me going (you know her clothes are not as professional and besides she is buddies with our boss so that would be the reason she is chosen, etc.)
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Comments
It can be difficult for us to advocate for ourselves, so I'm glad you followed through with the application. You have so much going for you, so many skills to offer, it only makes sense to take every opportunity to build on that. (And who in their right mind would pass up an opp'ty for an all-expenses paid trip to CA?) May the best woman win. Let us know how it turns out.
So to fight attachment you have to come to terms with failure. Both your own and others. Sounds hard right? Well thats what the nourishment of teachings and friends is for
I wonder about this? Is it non-attachment to simply try to not want anything? And by that I am thinking the negative Eeyore kinda 'never mind i don't really need a tail' way. That does not seem like a great point of view. So to actually want things, like have stuff and opportunities come into our awareness, and then get excited but finding that middle way of non-attachment, tat is the challange. I think many people misunderstand non-attachment and being happy where you are as Eeyore.
Just my thoughts, haven't heard on the conference and my week is stressed out, why are people so difficult to manage? the kids are the easy part, the adults make me crazy.
In the case of the journey you wish to go on, attachment is what brings you the dread when you envision someone else going. The desire to go isn't an attachment, it is a recognition of what is there, what is real. You wish to go, and that is a-o.k. The middle way, in my opinion, is to recognize that you and others want to go, and that's normal. The people who decide do so based (hopefully) on impartiality, so if you feel you presented them with work that represents you and your view, the tail is attached as best you know how.
If it falls off again (you aren't chosen) do your best to learn from it, so you are more prepared, wiser, next time you find it. Don't be distracted by punishing yourself or becoming less interested, simply use the experience to become more skillful. If it stays on (you do go), do your best to appreciate all of its qualities... its the best way to honor the fruits of wisdom (as well as giving more knowledge on how to help others skillfully.)
Also, when my girlfriend is in pain or ill (which is often lately), I am often helpless because there is nothint I can do apart from being there. I find it hard to know how to act when I hear her moans apart from merely being there and comforting.