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negative thoughts
I find in my daily life to have an abundance of negative thoughts. and these thoughts seem to be so reflexive, almost automatic. I know the tradition says dont' attach to them. but it's almost like saying don't look at the big pink elephant. when someone says that it's hard not to look.
does anyone have any advice in a positive format? For instance, instead of saying DONT attach to them, phrasing a helpful instruction in the positive, as in DO xyz, or abc, instead?
thanks
does anyone have any advice in a positive format? For instance, instead of saying DONT attach to them, phrasing a helpful instruction in the positive, as in DO xyz, or abc, instead?
thanks
0
Comments
Someone steps on my foot I go "ow" and they keep on going and don't apologize I may think to myself "...dickhole" and then I move on with my life.
No thought deserves a sanction or a gold star. They are just thoughts!
I think what taiyaki says sounds good too.
Do you have anger? Here is a student teacher questions writing of Lama Shenpen Hookham. It is a free email series of these anyone may sign up for.
Turning towards anger
Summary: If we turn towards anger, we may find that it is protecting something we care about, and if we connect with that then we find the resources we need.
A student says:
I am writing to talk about how my life has seemed to change since I took the Bodhisattva Vow. Quite frankly it has become more difficult. I have met parts of myself that I do not like and do not want to let loose on beings I am supposed to be compassionate towards.
Lama Shenpen replies:
It is already a positive sign that you are aware of the negative feelings and you very strongly don’t want to harm others. You clearly want to connect to others in a loving way. So that is already a lot to go on – let’s see what else you say.
I wonder if any hint of what I mean by all this comes through in a relatively short email such as this.
Discover the Heart of Buddhism: sign up for Lama Shenpen's Distance Learning
I suppose the most blatant is anger/rage. I have talked to my counsellor and my doctor about this as it is not something that I ordinarily experienced frequently until now. They assure me that because of circumstances in my life, anger is not an uncommon response.
Lama Shenpen:
One of the most helpful comments I ever heard in relation to what anger and rage are is from an NVC (Non Violent Communication) trainer who said it is simply the emotion of ‘NO’. Looked at that way the important question is what is it ‘no’ to? There is some value that is so important to you that you are crying out to make sure it is honoured and heard. I don’t know your life circumstances but it could be ‘no’ to unfairness, to unkindness, to too much pressure – or whatever. I find that just staying with the no and the value in me that is outraged somehow brings me to a more centred and resourced place. I just acknowledge the feeling of outrage and say ‘no’ to myself in a way that I really hear my own no internally in the fabric of my being and that it is ‘no’ about some value of mine that I need to honour.
In other words there is a YES behind the NO. It is yes to fairness or kindness or whatever it is. Then I just stay with the value I need to honour and just let myself feel where that value leads me if I say yes to it very strongly. For example if I stay with fairness it leads me to a place of clarity, congruence, respect for myself and others and so on and as I think of all that I feel empowered in myself and notice that my feeling of rage has transformed into clarity about my values and into a kind of strength and resourcefulness. I feel ready now to look at the person or situation I found so impossible and this time I don’t feel outraged and helpless. I just don’t feel that way any more.
The issues are the same and my values are the same but now I feel centred and resourced. I can spot different ways I could be or act in the situation that had seemed impossible before. I even become really interested in what the other people in the situation are feeling and what their values are that are important to them at that moment and somehow I can respond to the situation in an open, clear and sensitive way – both in regard to myself and to the others in the situation. It is such a massive improvement on how I felt before that I can hardly believe what has happened. It sometimes takes me a long time to find the feeling and the value or to find the feeling and value the others in the situation are manifesting……..but still I am in a totally different space and it all somehow feels workable. This is just the first step of a whole process and yet even this one small step makes a huge difference to how the situation then opens up.
This world is full of hell.
One can focus on it and lose oneself entirely in suffering, in hell.
Focus your intention on what you would like to create for all around you that is better than suffering,
and better than hell.
With unshakable intention,
focus on what you intend to create for all around you that is better than suffering, and better than hell...
and you will find that you possess the ability to walk through hell, and out of hell, unscathed by hell.
And others will follow that path you created.
Just as the "goal" of an emotion is to be felt (idea originally by Ken McLeod; www.unfetteredmind.com) in the same way i guess the goal of the thought is to be thought of.
So i think by letting the thoughts appear and then refocusing on the breath (like in breath meditation) could make them less common and/or intense. You have to look at them first. If you only wish for them to go away they will just be there with even greater persistance. Think them, let them go; regardless how many arise. When one accepts the fact that some things simply are part of our experience (like the thoughts you mention), they first stop bothering us and then they often disappear too.
With Metta
Are they associated with your self-esteem, or self-image?
Are you thinking the worst will happen in any perceived situation?
Are you pessimistic about your life, path or future?
What kind of thoughts are you having, exactly?
So the basics are that negative thoughts attract more negative and so when we say in our minds 'I do not want X' the focus is X rather than not wanting it. So the goal is to pivot to a more positive idea. Sometimes that is really hard, and much of mine is changed to 'I look forward to paying all bills with ease' type statements because I also need to be truthful about where I am.
then of course negative thoughts still arise, and those are signs that there is something we do not want happening. So that is to be seen as information rather than another thought to start a negative strain of thoughts. it is very easy to say that you do not want negative thoughts, have more negative thoughts, and then feel bad because you cannot stop negative thoughts. Rather than leaving a vacuum to be filled with your more regular (negative) thoughts it is good to have several statements to fill that void.
One of my current ones to work with the feelings I have around being the helper and caregiver to many people, often doing things that others tell me are too much. So i have a statement that says basically my actions reflect back to me. On Friday i got chocolate, and awesome personal compliment and a hug (like real hug) from a principal! I have even written a list of those positive moments and put them in my wallet during the hardest times.
I didn't read everyone else so I hope this was valuable.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.020.than.html
http://what-buddha-said.net/drops/II/How_to_Remove_Distracting_Thoughts.htm
Taking Responsibility for Our Thoughts:
Reflections on the Vitakkasaõñhàna Sutta:
http://www.dharma.org/ij/archives/2001a/vitakkasanthana_sutta.htm