How to work with friends who do not accept your religious change.

Jayjay

I have a friend that I deeply love. She is my best friend but she can't accept 'The New Me' The Buddhist me. I want to make it work out. And it seems she does too. Can anyone help me?!?

taiyaki

You're not a buddhist. You are a
Human being who is practicing buddhism.

Kindness and acceptance. Move always with those.

Just work on yourself secretly. The fruits of practice should become a scent for everyone around you. Do not say you are a buddhist, just meet people as people. Warm heart and smile.

Buddhism goal is to end buddhism. When there is an open heart and mind buddhism is not necessary.

Jayjay

Thank you. That helps.

Dakini

Right. Is the new you really that different from the old you? Weren't you kind and compassionate anyway? So...what's to accept or reject? You're still you. Same values, just slightly more structured packaging.

Jayjay

Exactly. Some people just don't have an open mind toward things. I can understand her feelings toward the choices I made, I just wish she could more understand. Maybe some day.....

Dakini

Is she clinging to a religion of her own? Or is she afraid you've bought into a cult? I don't see the problem. Unless you talk about it a lot. Focus on the practice. If you need to talk about it, we're here for you.

Jayjay

She's athiest. She feels that I'm forcing beliefs toward her. She hates the entire thought of religion at all, even though I really don't even consider it religion. Its just a way of life I've taken up to better myself. I think she just feels threatened by my beliefs if you know what I'm saying. And thank you, I feel that whatever I post on here will be attended to by helpful and mindful people

Dakini

It's not a religion for a lot of Westerners. It's also non-theistic. Maybe if you explained that it might help? But it sounds like the best approach is to downplay your new philosophical turn. Why does she feel like you're forcing beliefs on her? Are you trying to talk her into meditating, or something? Just play it cool and keep it to yourself, and keep being the good person I'm sure you've been all along. Let us know how it works out over time.

vinlyn

You're not a buddhist. You are a
Human being who is practicing buddhism.

Kindness and acceptance. Move always with those.

Just work on yourself secretly. The fruits of practice should become a scent for everyone around you. Do not say you are a buddhist, just meet people as people. Warm heart and smile.

Buddhism goal is to end buddhism. When there is an open heart and mind buddhism is not necessary.

I gently disagree with some of the sentiments you have expressed here. Or at least with how I perceive what you are saying.

When I began moving toward Buddhism, I didn't keep it a secret, nor did I blab it all over. I found all of my friends to be accepting of my decision, even though some were not necessarily accepting of Buddhism. Over time, many people knew of my attraction to Buddhism. There were occasional discussions, mostly when they would ask me to explain some of the basic concepts.

But, generally I am a very laid back person toward religion. I see myself as a mix of Buddhism and Christianity, and while I don't believe there is any "right" religion, I do think there are some "wrong" religions. My stance toward others when the topic would come up was that I wouldn't make any effort to change their views, nor would I allow them to attempt to change my views. On that basis, we could talk. And if the conversation shifted into the "my religion is better than your religion" mode, then I ended the conversation.

taiyaki

A good chance for you to practice patience with awareness. Meaning seeing the bigger picture.

Her averson is her problem. Now that you see that then learn to not take it personal when there is aversion towards you.

Patience with wisdom calms everything. With a strong center one can move around in the world unmoved. People are just people .

Use everything as energy towards the positive and wisdom. Great energy and motivation can be acquired when one starts to notice the immediate with clear awareness that is totally
Accepting of this and that.

This power to choose is very important.

Help others by working on yourself. Focus on others to be happy. Move lightly and dance at times.

Jayjay

That makes a lot of sense. That's kind of what I'm trying, not blabbing it up but not keeping it in the dark. Thanks for the opinion.

Jayjay

^ @vinlyn

Jayjay

@taiyaki Thank you. I love your way of speaking its so quotable and inspirational. Thanks for the support guys I love you all

taiyaki

Some times the most compassionate thing you can do for someone is to set aside religous views and not make an issue out of it.

The purpose of buddhism is to use views to get beyond them. This is not to say we throw away view but ita important not to cling to any view as it will distort the vision of reality.

It is always better to be open and aware of the immediate without preconceived notions which filter your world. Then if the tools of language are needed they will be applied. But only when circumstance is right. A teacher will only teach when the student is ready. To always teach would be a waste of energy. Right circumstance and moment.

Check out the idea called beginners mind. Its to be attentive with what is most precious and ordinary. On this basis we can start to see everything and everyone as of same essence.

When one views a painting they will see what they want to see. But see that and see that others see it differently. And then see that underneath the paint is the white canvas. And then see that both paint and canvas are the same. The equality of all things. To see the variety in the sameness.

Everyone is trying to find happiness, yet they don't know where to find it. Sigh. This is why i personally practice. I'd really like to help people, but first i need to go for full buddhahood. Try and try and try 100%.

To help others is to help myself and to help myself is to help others.

I hope you attain great motivation. For your friend and yourself. I can see the seed already. This thread is the proof of such seed. Nurture it and attain full liberation for all of us.

Jayjay

I hope to. This is my life goal. Thank you and great luck to you in your endeavors.