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Frustration & Guilt - Attchment?
I'm dealing some serious frustration and guilt, and I need some help. As some of you know, I suffer from a chronic illness. I'm supposed to be leaving in about an hour to have dinner at my cousin's house, and I'm experiencing a flare-up. I know that the best thing is to stay home and rest (once this starts, it gets worse before it gets better) but the guilt from my mother makes me crazy: "Everyone is expecting you." "It's such short-notice."
My mother is old school and believes in powering through. I believe in listening to your body and staying tuned in.
The bottom line is that I'm not going - but how to deal with the fall-out? Is it attachment to relationships? Am I too invested in making sure everyone likes me?
My mother is old school and believes in powering through. I believe in listening to your body and staying tuned in.
The bottom line is that I'm not going - but how to deal with the fall-out? Is it attachment to relationships? Am I too invested in making sure everyone likes me?
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Comments
a fall-out loves flowers and a note of apology.....
What happens if you just feel what you feel without asking any questions about it? Not even asking what happens, just feeling it like it is?
Probably someone will come up with a more sensible reply soon XD
A wise person on this forum told me that there is a difference between guilt and regret. Guilt keeps you in the emotional dark abyss of pity parties...on and on. Regret is a healthier because it makes you want to change or amend. So just follow up with kindness.
Also you need to take care of yourself first. What kind of guest would you be if you went despite needing to relax.
Probably angry, little concentration, emotional, wanting to stab your pain with the dinner fork.
I doubt they would really want you there in your pain state. No one wants another person to suffer, atleast not willingly. I wish your mother knew that. To want someone to suffer is madness.
Stay home...relax. Play with us... Don't fall into your own madness. It's normal to want people to love and accept us...but that is a side affect of you practicing kindness toward other people.
If you are pleasing them because you want them to like you, you might be disapointed one day to learn that they still don't.
How does that make you feel?
maybe angry, but after anger comes acceptance...then relief and peace.
Does people pleasing hurt or help your chronic illness? What about your mind, spirit or heart?
If it makes you more stressed out...then stop.
Love yourself.
One of my attachments has been to understanding. I was very invested in others understanding that I wanted to and I truly couldn't. I have made progress on that and with that I was able to project a better feeling from myself. I had to feel some grief that I could not do things, and some anger at having my brain. I also had a guilt that was misplaced, like I felt responsible for my own illness and that I was letting people down. I really felt they were more important than me.
Our change doesn't always affect others, we are all pretty much focusing on ourselves, but it did give the situation more peace when I accepted they were in their own self interest. I felt better that i knew they just really wanted me there. I accepted they could not understand fully. then my approach went over better, I let go of feeling that if I explained better or if they worked harder at understanding it would be okay.
I hope you have read the 'spoons' narrative on people who have chronic illnesses. If you havent I will find it and post it.