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Discontent...Is it so bad?
Throughout my life, I have often heard that having good perspective and being content with what we have rather than what we want is a very good thing. For the sake of personal happiness, I am inclined to agree with this statement. But is discontent all that bad? Doesn't society's general discontent with the world we live in and the things we have/don't have actuallly help advance our human civilization. Is discontent what truly brought us out of the caves?
I have pondered that although discontent often does not bring about personal happiness, it can motivate us to change things. Would we have democracy had we been content with tyrannical monarchies? Would we have light bulbs if we were all content with candles? If we were satisfied only with the minimum or nothing at all, where would we be as a civilization?
Just some food for thought but I'm interested to see the responses.
I have pondered that although discontent often does not bring about personal happiness, it can motivate us to change things. Would we have democracy had we been content with tyrannical monarchies? Would we have light bulbs if we were all content with candles? If we were satisfied only with the minimum or nothing at all, where would we be as a civilization?
Just some food for thought but I'm interested to see the responses.
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On a smaller, personal scale, this means also that we don't simply ignore our own discontent or disatisfaction, the Dharma is not about supression but insight. There is also an understanding that one's economic, and by implication, political well being are important factors and should be attended to with care and attention.
However, unhappiness can be a lesson in life and a very positive one. Choosing to fix your unhappiness can lead you to many wonderful things. It led me to Buddhism.
PS I think that is what Genyru was saying....sorry.
If you have a problem, but you have NO solution, there's no point wasting further time worrying about it."
A couple of things here....
For my part, the important is to view whatever the problem is, and it's effect on you on two levels:
The Practical and the Emotional. Linked though they may be, they are nevertheless, separate....
Let me give a hypothetical example....
two children of your neighbour's have had their basketball net fixed up on their garage wall, by their yard. This is right next to your garden, specifically where you often sit to eat 'al fresco' or just to enjoy the sunshine, and read a book....
All hours of the summer days, all you hear is the bounce bounce thud, swish bounce bounce bounce of this damned ball...together with the kids yelling and having a good time....
What effect does this have on you?
Firstly, the noise levels are unacceptable. they are constant, insiduous and completely distracting, and prevent you from enjoying a calm and peaceful interlude ouside.
Secondly, you're getting mad. Resentful. Crabby and impatient. With your loved ones, and with the kids too....It gets to the point where you feel it in your stomach... and every time you go out there, even if it's quiet, your enjoyment is spoiled by the constant worry of 'when will it all start up again anyway?'
So you deal with each situation calmly. You have a word infront of the kids, with the parents, and come to a compromise on time and hours... could they avoid certain times? Could they limit the hours they spend playing? is there any wahy you could come to an agreement, and explain why?
On an Emotional level - that's your problem to address. Nobody can alter your mind-set but you. How you take things like this is your responsibility. You may be able to communicate your frustration, and it may gain you sympathy, but it won't help your case much....
So even though the Practical actions and solutions possible mean we don't have to be a complete idiot about it, such situations also help us to address our perceptions and emotions, and to watch them arise and deal with them accordingly. Whatever the cause, they are ours to control and do with as we will....How we do that would be a measure of our resignation, complacency and williness to take charge - of the situation, and of ourselves.
It's also true, on a second point, that some people wallow in their misery... It's one way of gaining attention... I call them the Yes But what If's....You strive really hard to listen to what ails them, and meet their problems with practical solutions, but they strongly resist these, by coming up with responses prefixed with - "Yes, but what if this happens?" or - "Yes but, what if he does this...?"
They'll parry and resist at every turn... and that's when you know you have to leave it....
Man, if I had a dollar for every person I'd met telling me that - Hell! I'd be in the Bahamas on an extended vacation - !!
I think that's what some cases of "depression" might entail.
-bf
This will probably not sound very Buddhist - because I don't know how Buddha's teachings address vanity - not that changing your looks or appearance is all vanity. But, some of it can be vanity.
If there is something you can change - change it. Is it wrong to become physically active and strengthen your body? I don't believe so.
But, there should come a point of acceptance. Wishing that I had the body of a 21 year old stud is probably just an unrealistic as wishing I had Brad Pitt's face.
There are things you cannot change and you have to learn to accept that. Find peace with it and find peace with who you are.
I believe, that just as in meditation, you will notice or realize things and you accept them for what they are. To cling to the desire of trying to become something that you physically cannot do - causes suffering.
My $0.02 at least.
-bf
At one point I was very overweight and very happy with who I was. It was only when I saw myself through the eyes of others, or experienced rejection, that I would become 'unhappy'. Fat, but that was the way it was. My diets failed...but I was happy with who 'I' was. Then I started to suffer the physical ramifications of that weight...my body was speaking to me. As a precious vehicle, I realized that my happiness had to take a backseat to the wellbeing of my body...as it was necessary to be healthy and strong to benefit others/my family. I went on a diet, and made changes in my life (set goals) based on listening to the needs of others. I benefitted, but my view was not based in personal happiness.
So, it's ok to have goals to be healthy, right? Does that make you vain??
You have a great example.
You were happy when you were overweight - with yourself. You might have experienced pain when you met rejection through other people's eyes - but within yourself - you were happy.l
Now... we know being overweight can cause health issues. So, even though we're happy being overweight - is this still the best thing to do? Some people are happy to drink their lives away - becoming removed from family members, punishing their bodies, etc.
As for working out and eating healthy - I think that's fine too. But, I've known people that have taken working out and "being healthy" to such extremes (OCD) that they really are NOT healthy. They're abusing their bodies, pushing way past it's limits, not giving it time to heal, not putting the right fuels in it to promote healing and health. I believe that this is just as bad as abusing it through other avenues (drinking, smoking, overeating, etc.)
Moderation - the Middle Path. I even think the Kalama Sutra can come into play regarding this.
Is my "activity"/"current state" good for me? My family? My loved ones? Does it lead to benefit and happiness?
I believe these are things we can meditate or reflect upon. I honestly believe that if we look at ourselves with honesty and truth - we know the things we are doing that are positive and those which are not.
I'm probably rambling here.
-bf
For example, compassion for others should be there with no desire to accumulate merit, as even the desire for something known to be positive is actually in the way.
Does that make sense?
Thanks for your post...it has been helpful. These "lessons" can also be applied to so many different examples when it comes to accepting others and striving for a better world at the same time.
I think goals are good to have too.
I don't think Buddha teaches that we sit in complacency.
Even Buddha realized, before reaching Enlightenment, that sitting, meditating with the ascetics, was not condusive to what he was looking for. He realized that extremes were not good and if the body was weak - one couldn't pursue a "path". It was after this realization that he recognized a Middle Way.
Even monks who live among themselves have daily tasks that must be performed either for themselves or for the community they are part of.
Yoda - I would say that if I were you - I wouldn't fret about missing a day of working out. I agree with your hubby. Missing things that are really insignificant shouldn't be a cause of worry or fret.
Missing time with loved ones, helping others, telling those you care about that you love them - those things I could see fretting about. But I'm sure I'll be reminded that even fretting about these sorts of things is not "the middle way"
-bf
However there are issues I have over discontent that center around aspiration and society. I personally believe that the masses have a right to assert themselves when they are being downtrodden by the man. Elbowing oneself to the front of the cue is a must if you are starving.
HH
On a global scale, discontent has resulted in many of the major positive social changes that have come about in history. If African Americans had been content with their situation all the advances made by African Americans today would not have occurred because the opportunity to make those advances wouldn't exist. The same goes for women etc., etc., etc.
Harlan, I agree with you as well. On a personal level discontent is an opportunity to have a good look within.
I couldn't agree with you more about this.
Brigid
You old leftie.
HH
(And I'm on slow dial-up, too!)
Brigid
Brigid