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Confuse, need help
"I have no mission in life, as there is no me. I do not believe in any higher power or such, i also do not believe we need a mission in life. There are people, there are rocks, there are worms. Right now i am writing in this forum. Isn't the present enough?"
This is quoted from a member of an online forum at totallifesuccess.com. So that confuses me, my purpose in life right now is to improve my self-esteem, got my confidences up, and to cultivate myself to become a better person. So in order to do that, I have to set and define my long and short term goals. I'm feeling happy with that, it's like giving me a sense of self-worth, of my existence. That is I'm scared of having "nothing to live for". But reading that above statement challenges my reality. I know this person is into meditation, but I've had bad experience with meditation. I have tried to live mindfully in the present from reading online article, that is to say I don't have a teacher to teach me. So I practiced "when you walk, you know that you're walking" and such and tried to focus myself of my every detail action in life. But I was exhausted, when I do that around my family or friends, I couldn't participate in their conversation. Or when I studied, if I tried to know "every movement of my self" such as scratching the nose, moving the hand, then I get lost of what I'm reading. I was burnt out from the practice.
So I quitted, however, my mind is not set, because if someone mention of something relating to meditation then I'll get depress, relating how it was such a bad experience for me. The depression would carry out the for days.
Right now what working for me is I set goals and tasks to do, to achieve, though I also cultivate such as praying for equanimity. But recently reading that post, I got depressed again. I am confuse and undecisive right now, and it is draining every minutes my energy. It shuts me down from my family and friend. Though I also feel guilty for being a Buddhist but wanting to achieve material success in life. So, should I continue what works for me, which makes me feel content and confident?
~Not sure if any of these make sense to you!
This is quoted from a member of an online forum at totallifesuccess.com. So that confuses me, my purpose in life right now is to improve my self-esteem, got my confidences up, and to cultivate myself to become a better person. So in order to do that, I have to set and define my long and short term goals. I'm feeling happy with that, it's like giving me a sense of self-worth, of my existence. That is I'm scared of having "nothing to live for". But reading that above statement challenges my reality. I know this person is into meditation, but I've had bad experience with meditation. I have tried to live mindfully in the present from reading online article, that is to say I don't have a teacher to teach me. So I practiced "when you walk, you know that you're walking" and such and tried to focus myself of my every detail action in life. But I was exhausted, when I do that around my family or friends, I couldn't participate in their conversation. Or when I studied, if I tried to know "every movement of my self" such as scratching the nose, moving the hand, then I get lost of what I'm reading. I was burnt out from the practice.
So I quitted, however, my mind is not set, because if someone mention of something relating to meditation then I'll get depress, relating how it was such a bad experience for me. The depression would carry out the for days.
Right now what working for me is I set goals and tasks to do, to achieve, though I also cultivate such as praying for equanimity. But recently reading that post, I got depressed again. I am confuse and undecisive right now, and it is draining every minutes my energy. It shuts me down from my family and friend. Though I also feel guilty for being a Buddhist but wanting to achieve material success in life. So, should I continue what works for me, which makes me feel content and confident?
~Not sure if any of these make sense to you!
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Comments
Welcome! It's nice to see you here.
Let's tackle this together and see if we can't find you some peace of mind.
First, through your post I feel the confusion you're experiencing and I want you to know that it isn't uncommon to feel this way when trying to understand Buddhism and it's practices without some kind of guidance and support. It would help a lot if you could tell us what books you may be reading or have read, what your practice has been like and a little about yourself.
For example, how long have you been practicing and what brought you to Buddhism?
How old are you and what is your situation in life, roughly?
Do you have expectations from your Buddhist practice and if so, what are they?
Do you have any kind of support system in your practice such as a Dharma center or a teacher you can go to for guidance?
Secondly, forget meditation for now. It is the integral practice of Buddhism but it has become something of a negative thing for you, even when you just think about it. This is the opposite of what meditation should be and it would not be helpful to negatively condition yourself more by thinking about it. Put it aside completely and start from the beginning.
Let's try starting at the beginning together. Clear your mind of everything you know about Buddhism and start like a complete beginner, as if you had just heard about Buddhism but didn't know what it was. Now let's talk a little about mindfulness practice.
Mindfulness simply means to be fully present in your life in whatever you're doing, thinking or feeling at any given moment. So, if you're studying, simply study. If you're with your friends, be with your friends. Mindfulness doesn't mean that you have to be aware of every physical movement you make while you're doing other things. Again, that's the opposite of what mindfulness means. It means that when you are doing something, do it, and nothing else. For example, when you're talking to your friend on the phone, just talk and listen and be present in your conversation. Don't talk on the phone and watch TV at the same time. Don't talk on the phone and cook dinner at the same time. Just talk on the phone.
When you cook dinner, just cook dinner. Don't multi-task. Be completely present as you cook your meal. When you sit down to eat your meal, just eat your meal. Don't talk on the phone or read a book or watch television. Just eat. Think about what you're eating, how it feels in your mouth, how it feels when you chew it, when you swallow it and so forth.
Mindfulness practice is a practice intended to wake you up from sleepwalking through life. It's intended to make you take notice of the little things that we often overlook and take for granted. It's meant to reinforce our mindful presence in everything we do. When we're eating something we really, really love, mindfulness comes automatically. We automatically pay great attention to the food, how it smells, tastes, how it feels in our mouth and so on. When we're finished eating it we have a feeling of great satisfaction because we were really paying attention when we were eating. We'll often say "That was so good! I really enjoyed that!" after we've finished eating. That's because we were paying attention. Mindfulness practice is a way to pay attention to everything we do, at the time we do it.
So, if you want to practice mindfulness, just pay attention to what your doing. When you're driving, don't think about how well you did on your last exam or what you're going to have for supper. Just drive. Pay attention to the road. Pay attention to the other cars. Be alert and pay attention. This can go for everything in your life. It's just a way to be more awake and fully present every day.
Your description sounds like instead of being mindful, you were actually multi-tasking, splitting your attention from your studies to what your physical body was doing. When you were with your friends, instead of listening fully to what they were saying you were concentrating on how your hand went to your nose to scratch it and so on. But scratching your nose wasn't your primary activity. Being with your friends was your primary activity. Or studying was your primary activity. If you want to be mindful, just pay attention to your primary activity at any given time.
This is already a very long post so I'll stop here.
Why don't you tell us a bit more about yourself and your life in general and we can continue the discussion. There's more to mindfulness than I have presented here but I hope this at least clears up a bit of your confusion.
If you have no one to go to for guidance on Buddhist practice, you can come here and we can help put a few things in order for you. There are many people here who can clear up some of your confusion and we'd all be honoured to help in any way we can.
With love,
Brigid
I am Vietnamese and I'm 22 and I'm in my senior year of getting my Bachelor of Science of Electrical Engineering. My family members are all Buddhists. Buddhist as in tradition, we don't practice much of Buddhist concept, though some of the moral concepts and chanting a few Mayhayana sutra.
The incident that got me to the practice of mindfulness was around 6,7 years ago when I depressing, I grabbed a short Vietnamese article ( for young buddhist) that told me to stay in the present and know what I'm doing, I did that and I had a wonderful day around my friends. Afterward, I went online to search for mindfulness practice books and articles, most of what I read was in Vietmese. But some of what I read in English can be found in the following links :http://www.saigon.com/~anson/ebud/ebsut004.htm, http://www.saigon.com/~anson/ebud/ebmed026.htm .
So I read some of the experiences that some of the monks had, like how their practice got them a calm mind that can open up their wisdoms that can end the suffer. I think I was somewhat affected, and tried to apply some of the concept in the article. Some of what I did was paying attention to my physical body, I think I was being very detailed in paying my attention as describe in some method of the articles. So I was walking to the refridgerator to get food, I noticed I'm walking, but then when I to the refridgerator, opened up the door and standing there didn't know what I was suppose to get
I end up burnt out several times. So for a period of time, I was having headaches and confusion. I stopped and tried, and tried and failed. The reason I keep trying was the believe that I'm not practicing enough, and when I'm better I'll pass these stages, the I will enjoy life again. I value family and friends, and I want to be of someone significant to them. That could also be the reason why I practiced mindfulness, as I heard it could help you to become a better person, through knowing your mind and such.
So right now, I don't do that anymore, I'm into reading books and online forum that could help my self-esteem and confidences. So I was taught to revise my goal in life, and picture an ultimate life that I wanted, and work on it. So my ultimate picture was a very nice house, a stabilized job, a confidence in myself, and being happy with family and friends around.
Still, when I made the thread, I'm so undecided of what to do with my life, don't know where to start. I've been procrastinating of some of my school works. I feel better after reading your post. This looks like the forum I wanted to be with for life. Once again, thank you. So I want to start over and get rid of this stuck for good, where do I start?
I think a good place to start would be right here. Most of us here are new to Buddhism so most of the discussions here are pretty simple and straightforward. You'll also get lots of different perspectives because there are people here who practice different traditions of Buddhism. We have people who practice Zen Buddhism, Tibetan Buddhism, Theravada Buddhism etc. etc.
There are also a lot of resources and links on this forum that are helpful to new Buddhists. Just have fun going through the different threads and discussions. Take it nice and slow and easy. You're heart will tell you what you need to concentrate on so you don't have to force anything. Whenever you have a question feel free to post it and we'll do our best to help.
This is an unusual situation for a Westerner like me. We usually look to the East for answers about Buddhism while also relying on Western Buddhist teachers to put it into a language we can understand and relate to. So it's very interesting to have you asking us questions. I feel very honoured and a little humbled.
I get the impression that you are under pressure to be successful and to make decisions right now that will put your life in order for the future. In the West, we do have that pressure too, but I think it may be more important in the East. Westerners are generally more relaxed about success. I think you're going to find some interesting differences between us and I think we will both benefit with these communications.
Anyway, to answer your question, start here and look through the different threads. You may even want to put aside the actual practice part for a little bit and just read and relax a bit. While you're doing that I think it would be useful for you to take the pressure off yourself when it comes to Buddhism. You don't have to do or be anything. You are perfect just as you are and everything is as it should be. But there is always room for improvement.
If you want some concrete Buddhist studying direction start with the Four Noble Truths and The Noble Eightfold Path. This is the core of the Dharma that the Buddha taught and all you have to do right now is become familiar with them, you don't have to study them in depth. Take it slowly and be very gentle with yourself. There is no one on this earth who deserves your compassion more than you.
Leave the suttas aside for a while. They are for later study and aren't all that helpful in the beginning (although those links are excellent ones, by the way). I think what may be confusing you is that you're jumping into different parts of Buddhist practice and understanding without following along the gradual path. As a student you know you have to start at the beginning of a text book and read through it gradually. It only confuses you if you jump ahead without preparation. The Buddhist path is a gradual learning process so by starting at the beginning it will be much more help to you. Resist the urge to jump ahead. If you can, find a simple book for beginners. That will help you to organize your thoughts and your path ahead. Be patient. Very, very patient.
A good thing to remember while you're reading about Buddhism is that it is not about ideas, doctrine, opinions, beliefs or what you've been told. Buddhism is all about you're own personal experience and concrete understanding. Don't get caught up in ideas of what others think Buddhism is. Don't take any of this too seriously. The purpose of your life is to be happy. That's all. You don't have to have a big, important purpose. Just happiness. I'm a lot like you. I take things too seriously and I get upset when there's no reason to. I'm learning that all these things that I thought were so important really aren't important at all. So take it easy on yourself, be gentle with yourself. I know you are struggling right now and you're feeling overwhelmed and depressed. Buddhism is all about how we suffer and how to stop that suffering. So you did the right thing to come here to clarify your understanding. Your instincts are strong and good and you can trust them.
I have a suggestion. What about concentrating on your university studies as your serious study and learn about Buddhism slowly during your relaxing time? Being very serious about both may not be a very good idea. You can only really concentrate on one thing at a time. Since your university studies will give you the tools for employment it's a good idea to focus your energy there. When you have time off to relax you can learn about Buddhism at your leisure. There's no rush. Take it one step at a time and you'll get where you want to go. When you need a break from studying engineering you can relax with us here or read simple understandings of Buddhism which will help keep you calm and uplifted. This will rejuvenate you for your university studies.
If you ever need to talk to me privately just send me a private message. I'm a 38 year old female, by the way. I am physically disabled so I'm at home everyday and I'm online a lot, as you've probably already noticed! LOL! I'm new to Buddhism so we can go through this together. I'm thinking I may have a great deal to learn from you.
Remember, take it slow and easy. Happiness is the goal.
Your friend,
Brigid
I'm sorry to hear you're physically disable.
Though I'm an Easterner, but I didn't have any guidance over my sprititual life, and I've messed up for 6,7 years. So I'm ready to start over. :thumbsup:
Well, yesterday after reading your post, I practiced putting my attention on the primary activities and it felt good. So right now I want to keep on with that practice. But after yesterday practice, I got some questions on my mind.
So, when there is a social situation, that you go out with other people to eat in a restaurant, how would you approach this situation of eating and talking at the same time?
When getting out of a car, I tend to focus on my physical body such as: slowly closing the car door (I've read that slamming the door is not mindful), turn my body to walk, and then I focus on my walking on the way into the house, and then my attention on how I open the door house, but then when going into to the house, I have to switch my attention to greet my family. All of this switching attention to different things exhausted me. So am I supposed to do those kind of things? These probably are what meditators do when they have retreat? I guess I've been reading too much of the stuff I shouldn't read. It seems the perception of mindfulness I had is a person doing things slowly and observe whatever is happening in his mind, body, feeling, etc.
Also, there is this issue I got that was a problem to my practice before. I read that right mindfulness is to observe with an "indifferent mind". That concept confuses me. Back then when I practiced mindfulness, I kept thinking if I did my mindfulness right, how would I apply this "indifferent mind" concept. So it is this that got me to keep searching for mindfulness books/articles that would give me some ideas of it, and I think later on is the malpractice.
I'm very happy to have found this forum. I wish I have found this 6 years ago.
Those are excellent questions!
I'm going to start with your question about the "indifferent mind" concept because I think understanding this will be of great help to you. The "indifferent mind" just means that we do not judge our thoughts during mindful meditation as being right or wrong, good or bad. This concept has to do with our thoughts and feelings and ourselves as human beings in general.
For example, in mindful meditation what we do is watch our breathing. This type of meditation is common to all schools and traditions of Buddhism and it is called many different things, but the practice is the same. We'll call it mindful meditation here because you are already so familiar with mindfulness practice in everyday life.
So, when I practice mindful meditation I sit in the proper posture with my eyes and mouth slightly open, my spine, neck and head straight but comfortable, regal and with an accepting attitude. Then I begin by paying attention only to my breathing. I feel the air going in through my nose and mouth, I notice my stomach rise, I exhale and feel the air come out through my nose and mouth. I concentrate with single pointed attention only to my breathing, in...and out....in....and out.
Now while I do this, my mind will wander. This happens to everybody and it's supposed to happen because throughout our lives we have conditioned our minds to "think". So thoughts will intrude while I'm watching my breath. I may start thinking about how much laundry I have to do or what's on TV tonight or what I'm going to have for lunch. When these thoughts come and I realize I have forgotten to watch my breathing and I have become distracted, I gently label these thoughts or thought as "Thinking" and I let them gently float away without saying to myself "That was bad that I got distracted" or "I shouldn't have let my mind wander" or "Those were bad thoughts" and so on. This is where the "Indifferent mind" concept comes in. I don't judge myself for having gotten distracted and I don't judge my thoughts as being good or bad. I simply label the thoughts as gently as I can as "Thinking" and I let them float away and bring my attention back to my breathing. I have to bring myself back to my breathing over and over and over while I'm meditating. That's normal, especially for someone who is new.
I also don't judge my actual meditation practice as being good or bad. I don't say when I'm finished "That was a good session" or "That was a bad session". I don't judge or punish myself in any way. I'm gentle and compassionate with myself. I stay neutral. The "indifferent mind" is the neutral, non-judgmental mind. It's the mind that does not place any values upon our thoughts or emotions. It's almost as if you're looking at yourself as an objective observer, like a scientist, not judging, simply observing indifferently.
I'm reading a book by Jon Kabat-Zin who is a Western scientist and meditation teacher. The book is called "Full Catastrophe Living". I'll use his words to explain the concepts of "acceptance" and "letting go" because he explains it all so clearly. He writes:
Acceptance and letting go are very important, and not just during meditation but in everyday life. We get caught up in our thoughts and placing either positive or negative values on them and on ourselves. The problem is that while we are thinking this way and telling ourselves we are either bad or good and so on, we're missing out on the experience of living at that moment. We're not full present because we are distracted. Mindfulness means gently letting go of these thoughts and bringing our attention back to the present and to what is happening right in front of us.
As to your other questions about social events with friends and eating, and focusing on closing the car door and so on and having to refocus when you greet your family, this is simply a case of over achieving. You don't have to be so strict with yourself. It's not a competition or athletic training. It's much more gentle, relaxed and slower than that. What you're doing is over focusing, or hyper focusing when you are closing the car door, turning your body to walk and so forth. You're focusing so hard that it becomes a burden to refocus when you greet your family. All you need to do is simply be aware, not overly concentrate. Just be aware of how strongly or gently you close the car door but at the same time you are also gently alert to everything around you.
Take it all in. Breath deeply and relax. And take it slower. You don't have to concentrate on every little movement you make. That's too much. When you're out at a restaurant with your friends just relax into the moment. Enjoy yourself. You can listen and talk and eat, all at the same time. You don't have to be practicing so heavily all the time. Be more gentle and compassionate with yourself. Give yourself permission to let go, relax and have fun. Always remember that although you need to get your degree and eventually employment, shelter and food for yourself, the purpose of your life is to be happy. Right now. At this very moment. Not in 5 years or next week, but right now.
So take it easier and more slowly. Relax into every moment. Let yourself be happy and joyous, right now, and in every moment. You deserve all the joy and happiness in the world, don't you? Yes, you do!!
It's so nice talking to you.
Your friend,
Brigid
I’m still confused. I’ve also read an example of right mindfulness in one book that said “when observe that there is rain outside, just recognize it’s rain, don’t think it as good or bad weather”. So, does that mean mindfulness in everyday life is not also to judge anything?
I could get the wrong idea of what it is. But this is what on my mind right now. I’m going to use life related examples as I don’t have much of meditation experience. So if we enjoyed a good meal are we not supposed to say to ourself that was good? Or hear a funny story and not laugh? If we don’t judge, how can we tell if one thing is good or bad and learn from it? And if we just be neutral at everything, how is it going to make our life interesting, as we don’t have our favorite movie, person, food, etc.?
Quoted from Ro10.
When it rains here in melbourne i call it 'Liquid Sunshine'-pisses-off just about everybody who is negative and disagreeable-makes me really happy though! teehee
P.S. (another history lesson for Brigid-she loves them) Radium irradiated water (dissolved Radium salt solution) used to be called liquid Sunshine-I have borrowed that phrase-I'm sure it is no longer copyright... teehee (schoolboy snigger)
regards,
Xrayman
ro10,
As Buddhists we are walking along the thin line of two realities; one is everyday reality and the other is higher reality. You may come across readings regarding two truths. This is the same thing. If you come across readings of this nature, put them away. We're not ready for them yet. We still have a lot of work to do first.
The point of a non-judgemental mind is to retrain ourselves in regards to our views, our likes and dislikes. Our opinions of things are often based on our misunderstanding. We place meaning on things arbitrarily, without all the information.
In regular physical reality we need to understand what things may be harmful to our lives and avoid those things. In the higher spiritual reality, nothing exists in and of itself, so there is nothing good or bad, helpful or harmful. This is a very subtle understanding and comprises higher teachings of wisdom is Buddhism. We don't have to concern ourselves with this at the moment. We'll get there eventually.
So, in regular physical reality, mindfulness is an exercise. When it rains and we look at it as neither bad nor good we are simply exercising our mind. At the same time, we are living in a physical reality which demands that we remain aware of things that may be harmful.
We should do all of those things, because we are still living in the regular physical reality and we are still human. We can't suspend judgment entirely. It's impossible. Attempting to do so is like jumping ahead in our textbook. We're not there yet, so don't worry about that. We're starting at the beginning, with what we have in front of us. We don't have to tackle the subtle, higher teachings and understandings yet. In fact, if we do, it will just confuse us, like you're confused now.
So you can forget about that idea and go back to looking at what is right in front of you. Just be aware and alert. Look at how you look at things. Don't worry about how they actually are. Look at how you view things. Take note of how you see the world and yourself. Just observe. That's all. When you make a judgment, just notice that you are making a judgment. Don't worry if making the judgment is the right thing to do. What we are attempting to do is to get to know ourselves better. The best way to do that is to look at ourselves. Just look.
A good idea right now would be to simplify your thinking. Don't concern yourself with complicated ideas because the point of Buddhism is to understand through experience, not through ideas, logic, beliefs and so on. Concern yourself with what you, yourself, can actually experience and observe and understand. Start there. Leave the rest for later.
Remember, the whole point is happiness. A calm, peaceful and uncomplicated mind will find happiness. It's right there, in front of you. All you have to do is remove the complications that are blocking it from your view. Simplify.
Your friend,
Brigid
Thank you so much. That really helps my confused mind. So now, I want to keep on practicing mindfulness in my daily life, it works now, I'm actively experiencing life.
I want to read and expand my practice too, but I'm kind of afraid when I read something that I shouldn't read, that would confuse/depress me. Is there a "safe" way to approach it?
Brigid,
I read your post again and found that I’m unclear of what you meant. So when and how do I observe and “just look” at myself? As in daily activities, I got to focus on the task at hand, that would be mindful; so isn’t observing myself during the task unmindful? Could you give a concrete example that I can relate to? Is it after judging that something is good/bad I need to observe also that I’ve made that judgment?
Sorry for so many questions.
No apology necessary. Let me see if I can be more clear.
Wait, I have an idea. Why don't you tell me a little bit more about your understanding of Buddhism in general so I can gauge where you're coming from and where you're at.
Tell me what you think about mindfulness; what it means, why we do it and how you think it's done. I know you're facing confusion about how it's done but I just want to hear your thoughts about it as they are now. You can answer "I don't know" if you like. No pressure. I'd like to know why you think it is a beneficial practice. There are no "right" or "wrong" answers here. This is just to help me understand you better.
Could you also tell me if you have read any books about Buddhism and if so which ones. That way I might be able to point you toward some good books that could make things clear for you. I'm also curious to see if we have maybe read the same ones.
Also, tell me what your interests and hopes in life are, just very simply. And what, if anything, are you trying to accomplish with your Buddhist practice? What interests you about Buddhism? That sort of thing.
This information may help me understand better so I can give you the proper advice to a "new Buddhist". I know you were born into Buddhism but in order to clear away some of the confusion you're having it's probably best that we begin with the beginner's mind.
Now I'll try to answer your question about observing ourselves with a concrete example.
If you're paying attention to what you're doing, you are also observing yourself at the same time.
An example would be when you're driving a car. Being mindful while driving a car means that you are watching the road, the other drivers, how fast you're going and so forth. Not being mindful while driving would be driving and having a conversation on your cell phone, or eating while you're driving, or daydreaming about things in the past or in the future. When you're driving like this you're full attention is not on driving but is scattered by thinking of other things.
Now while you're driving in a mindful way, watching the road, the other drivers and so forth, you're also watching your own behavior, you're watching yourself. You're not automatically doing things. You're actually thinking about what you're doing. If you were daydreaming and you knew the road well you might go on "autopilot", signaling automatically without thinking, turning automatically onto the right road without thinking because you're daydreaming about how you could have done better on that last exam, or replaying in your head a conversation you had three weeks ago, instead of paying full attention to your driving. Many of us go through life automatically, without thinking about what we're doing. That's why it's sometimes said that we are sleepwalking through life. Mindfulness practice is a way to wake up and pay full attention.
While you're driving mindfully you don't turn on the turning signal without thinking about it, you turn it on fully aware that that is what you're doing, because you want to turn and you want to alert the drivers behind you that you are intending to make a turn. While you're doing this you're observing yourself and your actions. You are aware that you're turning it on and why you're turning it on. While you're doing this you're watching yourself do it because you're paying attention to what you're doing. All of this happens at the same time when you are paying attention. It's all part of mindfulness and comes from being mindful.
Mindfulness can also be done when we're just sitting in a room thinking. We're not doing anything else, just sitting and thinking. For example, when you're waiting to see the doctor and you're sitting in the waiting room. This is a good opportunity to have a look at our thoughts, the way we think and so forth. So for example, we're sitting in the waiting room and we look at another person sitting in the waiting room. We may think "That person is wearing the ugliest shoes I've ever seen". To be mindful in this situation would be to catch ourselves when we think this thought, notice that we thought this thought, make no judgment whether it was a good or bad thought of the shoes and then let it go. What we're doing here is watching our mind by paying attention to the thoughts we think. These thoughts may be judgments of other people's shoes or how hot or cold the waiting room is or if our thoughts wander to the past ("I could have done better on that exam") or the future ("I'm going to study all day Saturday and Sunday and do really well on the test on Monday"). Being mindful under these circumstances just means we are paying attention to our thoughts. By paying attention to our thoughts we're observing ourselves at the same time; getting to know our minds better.
So there's no need to break down the practice of mindfulness into it's various components. Just paying attention to the task at hand is enough because everything else follows from that. It's simpler than you think it is. It's really just paying attention to what we're doing at any given time, whether that's driving a car or sitting in a waiting room thinking.
Does that make it a little clearer?
Simplify. Don't overanalyze. Just pay attention and everything else will come.
Your friend,
Brigid
Oooppps! I missed this post. Sorry, ro10! :buck:
Yes, there is a safe way; slowly. For meditation it will help if you can find some information on meditation for beginners. If you can find a good meditation teacher that would be best. Also, read the threads on this board about meditation. They helped me greatly when I first began to meditate.
When it comes to reading, read things for beginners that you can understand. If the reading becomes too complicated, put it down. You can go back to it later when you have more understanding through practice. Approach the studying of Buddhism just like you approach you're engineering studies. Read what you can understand and absorb and leave the rest for later. You'll be amazed how much better you'll understand things that you've read when you go back to them after a few months. Take it slowly and gently. Don't push yourself or force it. That will only push understanding further away. Gently and slowly.
Start with The Four Noble Truths and The Noble Eightfold Path as they are explained to beginners.
And above all else, don't forget to have compassion for yourself. You have Buddha-nature and you deserve your own respect, love and compassion just as the Buddha deserves it. Just as all living beings deserve it. So be good and gentle with yourself and treat yourself like a Buddha!
Your friend,
Brigid
Dear ro10,
Brigid has done an excellent job of responding to you, so I imagine I will be repeating things that she has already said. Still, sometimes hearing the same things said in different ways is very helpful.
Anyway, here goes. On the issue of 'Right mindfulness', the point here is NOT to throw away our judgements, but simply to know we are judging when we are judging. Obviously, judgement has its usefulness. One would be foolish to discard it. Instead we become acquainted with the judging mind. If we suppress it or try to get rid of it, we will never know it or understand it. Additionally, trying to throw it away is, in fact, exercising the judgement that 'judging is wrong'. Can you see the contradiction? A lot of people make this mistake, so don't feel alone or that you are a failure. Instead see yourself as a beginner who is inexperienced in these matters. Additionally, attempting to practice without a teacher leads us into many avoidable pitfalls.
With that said, I would advise seeking out a reputable teacher who is a good communicator. Don't be afraid to seek out many. You may just find one that can guide you right away. However, if you can't find a teacher don't worry too much. Asking questions on a forum like this will be a great benefit to you.
Now, it sounds you are approaching buddhism a little too strongly. This is an endurance race, not a sprint. If you start off running too fast on a long run, you will always wear yourself out. Instead, start off with a nice even pace. Over time, with consistent application, your stride will strengthen and become more swift. The story of the tortoise and the hair comes readily to mind here. Also, there is another metaphor which you mind find helpful:
http://www.wsu.edu/~dee/BUDDHISM/SIDD.HTM
Speaking of concentration, I think you are also misunderstanding your approach to meditation. The article you read is likely an extension of Vippassanna practice (or Insight meditation). The thing is that Vippassana goes hand in hand with Samatha (concentration/serenity) meditation practice. The two should not be separated. Samatha meditation is bringing your awareness back to a single object. When the mind wanders, we notice that it has wandered and come back to our object of meditation. This can be very difficult, especially if we have a lot of matters that need attending to in our daily life. Eventually though, we will be able to come back to our object of meditation more quickly and more easily until we can get to the state of calm-abiding/concentration. From here is where we can properly practice Insight, as an agitated/deluded mind cannot properly attend to these things and will just end up worn out. Concentration is the basis or ground for Vippassanna. Practicing without that base is very difficult and bound for failure. It is also difficult to achieve concentration when one's worldly duties are not in order.
Anyway, have to go for now. Hope this helps.
_/\_
metta
I was re-reading this part of my last post and I'd like to expand and/or clarify a bit.
This whole not-judging thing is a tricky bit. Naturally, the mind tends to want to keep around the 'positive' experiences and throw away all the 'negative' experiences. Being ignorant of how this happens allows the mind to continue its habits of craving and aversion. Here we have all three poisons working together and supporting each other, all of them leading to suffering.
When we start practicing with our bare attention (non-judgemental observation), we have to begin where we are. This means that we simply have to start noticing how the mind picks and chooses, assigning positive and negative (and neutral) values to its experiences. This is a deeply ingrained mental habit that will not be easily uprooted. So we start with just noticing the judgement. By paying attention to the judging, the judging cannot continue on as a compulsive, unconsious habit. It has nowhere to hide. Now, the key right here is not to try and destroy the judging mind. As I said before, this is actually acting upon the judgement that 'judging is bad'.
Instead we just notice the positive, negative or neutral value we assign to all manner of our experiences. We also notice how these judgements affect our actions, from what we choose to pay attention to as a result of this judging all the way to our thoughts, speech and actions which are directly caused by this judgement. Eventually, through this sort of observation, we see how deep and subtle this judgement gets. We also see the results of judging clearly and can now become much more skillful with our judgements. This is how one achieves insight (vijja).
In regards to judgement being useful. We judge things all the time for our own benefit or the benefit of others. Without this capacity, we would eat and drink poisons as readily as we eat and drink healthy food. Needless to say, we wouldn't be alive very long without our capacity to judge. If we are not alive for long, we will likely not find much time to listen to or practice the dharma. If it wasn't for karma and dukkha, then this might be okay, however that is not the case for us. Karma (volitional action) has its necessary consequences which are, generally speaking, involving some sort of suffering or unsatisfactoriness.
The point here is to find the Middle way. Mere indifference means we pay no regard to karma and its negative affects on ourselves and others. Caring too much, on the other hand, has its own suffering. Instead we realize that the judging mind is just a conditioned thing and, by paying very close attention, we become disentangled from the judgement and are no longer led around by it. As we become disentangled, judgement (craving/aversion) plays less and less of a role in our lives, and what we are left with is a calm mind which can see clearly and discriminate wisely. This disentanglement through mindfulness is essential to realizing the cessation of suffering.
_/\_
metta
Most of what I read about Buddhism was online, and the last time was probably about 3 years ago. I would say most were in Vietnamese though I did order and read “Blue Jean Buddha”. I have read The 4 Noble Truth, The Noble Eightfold Path. Some of the Buddhism concepts that I know are: There is no Creator; we are stuck here in Samsara because of deluded mind, though we all have Buddha nature that can be enlighten; what a person now is a result of what he has been doing in the past; Buddhism is about seeking the truth and to end suffer.
What is mindfulness to me? It is focusing on the primary activity that I chose to do. So if I hang out with my friends, I chose to be interactive with them, so I pay attention to them, or if I’m studying then I need to be focus only on my study without any wandering thoughts. Or if I chose to think/plan something, then I allow myself to think about that matter.
Why do I want to practice mindfulness?
Some of the things come to my mind are spirituality, emotional maturity, and self confidence. I’m pretty low on confidence and got depressed pretty often (for a while, I’ve been reading some self-esteem books). Though, my knowledge of Buddhism tell me that those self-help book is not what I really wanted.
I thought mindfulness would be a way that would give me the focus/strength to change who I am, to be emotionlly stronger, and to improve my characters. When I heard about observing the self and such, I thought it must be something that would get me to know and change myself, so I have to know what it is. :scratch:
I think I did try to approach it a little strongly, the reason might be that I like this girl in Vietnam and I’m about to go visit her after I graduate, so I want to be in my best shape then, as a strong, reliable and charismatic person. I feel a little guilty already as this is not how people approach Buddhism.
Hi not1not2,
Thank you for your explaination, I think I understand what you said. So is this something I can practice now?
I'm glad you told me this because it goes to the core of understanding that I think will be helpful to you. It's very important that you understand that you are fine as you are right now. That doesn't mean that we all couldn't use a little improvement, but there's nothing wrong with you as you are now. If you approach Buddhism in the hope that it will it will change you by making you more confident you will be setting yourself up for disappointment and this will make you depressed.
Practice Buddhism just for the sake of practicing something that makes sense to you. Try not to have any expectations. Don't practice with a certain goal in mind. That will only make you unhappy.
If you practice Buddhism because it makes sense to you, with no particular goal in mind, you will get where you want to go just through practicing. If you set a goal, that goal can act like a block in your progress and stop you from getting to where you want to go. So you want to be as open minded and flexible minded as possible. I can't stress this too much. Approach Buddhism with the free, open and flexible mind of a beginner. And always approach it this way, even in 20 years from now.
Our hopes and ideas of the way we want things to be get in our way a lot. This is one of the things you will discover as you practice mindfulness. We get in our own way and slow our progress because we hold on to certain ideas and therefore everything we see and do comes through that filter, the filter of our ideas and hopes. We try to get rid of these things in order to make room for the truth, and the truth can't be figured out through logic; it can only be experienced through practice. And if we're full of ideas there isn't room for the truth. We have to make room for it by letting go of our ideas so truth can come in through practice.
Here's a quotation from that book "Full Catastrophe Living" that makes this point quite clear. Talking about approaching Buddhism without a specific goal, the author explains:
This is what I mean when I say that you are fine as you are right now. You are, in fact, full of self-confidence. It's inside you right now. It's not some place you have to go to or some change in yourself that you have to make. It's already there, right now, inside you. All you have to do is practice and it will come out naturally, on it's own. You will be nurturing it without knowing it and it will grow and come out of you naturally, through the practice.
What you will actually be doing by practicing mindfulness is experiencing the presence of your self confidence within yourself, you'll be discovering that it's there because you'll be paying attention. You are full of self confidence, you just don't realize it. Mindfulness practice will help you realize it. And all the other things that are already inside us, like Buddha nature.
One last quotation I'd like to give you from that book may help you in your everyday practice and clear up that confusion you had earlier about looking at ourselves.
I hope this helps.
Kind regards,
Brigid
I guess I'm gonna slow down, and run a marathon instead of a sprint.
:woowoo:
From,
Brigid
Is it possible to be mindful through out the day in daily life without doing any actual mediation? I don't want my mind to go into autopilot mode, but usually people who practice mindfulness also practice meditation, I guess meditation help you to be mindful? But right now I don't have a teacher to guide me on that.
I know exactly what you mean by your hesitating to meditate without a teacher to guide you because I felt the same way for a long time. But then I couldn't help noticing that a lot of people on this board didn't have a teacher either and they were meditating. So I decided what I would do is learn beginners Buddhist meditation.
And the first thing I found was something His Holiness the Dalai Lama said. He said that all forms of Buddhist practice, not just sitting and meditating, are a form of meditation in themselves. And that's what Jon Kabat-Zin explains in his books, too.
So when you're walking down the street and instead of day dreaming, thinking about yesterday or tomorrow or having all the other thoughts that pull us away from the present, and you actually pay attention to the fact that you're walking, this is a form of meditation.
Just living in the moment, paying attention and not being on auto-pilot, is a form of meditation. Concentrating on studies, whether they are about engineering or Buddhism, is a form of meditation.
You don't have to formally sit on a cushion cross legged and watch your breath to be meditating. Mindfulness in daily life is meditating.
When you decide you want to start a formal sitting practice just do a search on this site for "meditation" and you will come up with a lot of information that is helpful for a beginner. And you can find books for beginners that will help.
Again, start slowly and resist the urge to jump ahead. It's a marathon, right? And there's nothing to be afraid of. Sitting meditation is integral to Buddhism but you don't have to start until you feel comfortable.
Another practice that is very important and helpful that doesn't have to involve actual sitting meditation is the development of a compassionate heart with equanimity. In Buddhism this is sometimes called lovingkindness or metta. It means learning to love and feel empathy for all living beings everywhere without exception. It means being impartial and caring about the well being of all sentient beings, not just the ones we love or are close to, but all, including our enemies and those who have hurt us.
Lovingkindness is central to Buddhism so if you do a search you will find lots of information. The Dalai Lama teaches it well as does Thich Nhat Hanh. It is also, incidentally, one of the practices that is a great help for self confidence.
Stay well and be patient with yourself.
Your friend,
Brigid
http://www.buddhanet.net/worlddir.htm
Also here is a good link for some meditation basics:
http://buddhism.about.com/library/blbudmed.htm
As I stated before, shamatha (concentration/serenity) meditation is the basis for beginners meditation. It is collecting the mind and resting it upon a single object. Whenever we notice that the mind is distracted, we mentally note the distraction and gently bring our awareness back to our object of concentration. Generally, that object is the breath (though that is not an absolute). We do not worry about or judge the distraction. That is further distraction. Instead we just come back to the breath. At first, the mind is very unruly and we may find we are spending most of our meditations distracted. This is NOT a problem. The mind has been conditioned to follow all the six sense bases around quite chaotically. What shamatha meditation does is to gently and gradually change this habit to a non-wandering mind. So, concentration meditation is an intensive form of mindfulness, which strengthens our ability to concentrate on the moment and also develops the tranquil state of non-distratction. This naturally carries over to our daily life and increases our ability to be mindful in all of our daily situations.
Here is a good link on Anapana Sati (mindfulness of breathing):
http://www.vipassana.com/meditation/anapanasati_meditation_on_breathing.php
There are many online guides besides this, but it is good not to mix too many forms of meditation. You also might want to look into chanting meditations, walking meditation and metta bhavana (it is a wonderful form of meditation).
_/\_
metta
http://www.newbuddhist.com/forum/showthread.php?p=27953#post27953
_/\_
metta
P.S. (another history lesson for Brigid-she loves them) Radium irradiated water (dissolved Radium salt solution) used to be called liquid Sunshine-I have borrowed that phrase-I'm sure it is no longer copyright... teehee (schoolboy snigger)
Why was it called liquid sunshine?
because it was a yellow/green liquid, it glowed in the dark! it's highly radioactive. i believe most people that drank the stuff suffered years later with radiation-sickness type symptoms-teeth falling out, bleeding from the bowel, bone cancer/tumours etc.
It's good for you-the government told me so...
here's a link for you..
http://www.mercola.com/2004/aug/28/radium.htm
Thanks, Xray. Gotta run. I'm off to the Bad Gastein spa for some radon therapy.
I hear it's good for neuralgia.
Wish me luck!
Brigid
If you aren't ready to take the precepts, then don't take the precepts. If you don't want to leave your group of friends, then don't. Just study the dharma and try to apply it as best you can. That's what you are doing anyway, isn't it? Meditate when you can try to be present in whatever you are doing. This sounds meaningless, but you can't do more than you can do. Trying to go beyond your current capabilities and motivations is just going to lead to burnout.
No rush, no worry. Just this moment. Deal with it as it comes.
Take care & be well
_/\_
metta
Oh, my! I agree with what Not1 said.
I want to add that thinking about how your life will turn out in the future is the opposite of being mindful and living in the moment, living right now, and this is why you are unhappy. And while you're thinking about the future and making yourself unhappy, your life is passing you by right in front of you because you're not paying attention to "the now", the right this moment part of your life which is the only reality any of us really have. You must choose to deliberately be happy right now, in this very moment. The past is gone. It doesn't exist. The future is not here. It also doesn't exist. All you have is right now. What are you going to do with your moment right now? Are you going to waste it by ignoring it and worrying about a future that doesn't exist yet? That's illogical.
You're over thinking again and making it all more complicated than it is. As for people leaving you, they will, whether you change or not because nothing is permanent. You have to be able to let them go. You will also leave others. That's a big part of the Four Noble Truths. It's important that you gain at least a rudimentary understanding of the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path because if you don't you won't understand anything we're telling you.
We're in a reality that's constantly changing and shifting and there's nothing we can do about it except embrace it. We can't cling to people or things or ideas because we can't hold on to them in this kind of ever changing reality. Attachments will only make us suffer because we will be fighting with reality to hold onto them. Reality will always win. The only thing we can do is enjoy our time together now, keeping in mind how precious this time is because it will change and that's a good thing. Even your confusions and frightened feelings will change. You're whole perspective will change, is changing, right now.
Forget about all these worrying thoughts about what might happen in the future and take full advantage of the moment you have right now. When a worrying thought comes into your head, put a mental label on it that says "Thinking" and let it float away. Forget about them and let them go. You worry far too much, you know. Nothing is as serious or as important as we think it is. We get all worked up about things that don't matter. It's just silliness and we're wasting our precious time when we could be using it to be happy and at peace. Everything is exactly as it should be so you can give yourself permission to stop worrying and relax. Simplify, relax and be joyful by doing nothing, attaining nothing. Just being.
Buddhism is definitely not what you think it is. You have preconceived notions about it and you need to let your ideas about Buddhism go. Remember we said we would start at the beginning, right? So let all your beliefs about what Buddhism means go and re-read this thread as if you'd never heard of Buddhism before.
I want you to be happy and at peace. If I could make you that way I would, but you have to do it for yourself. Everything is much simpler and much better than you think it is.
Please stop worrying so much.
Your friend,
Brigid
Still right now, I’m doing so well on mindfulness for the past few days, I actually see that I’m calmer and more content around others, then there is this similar thing happened yesterday, there was this thought: “why don’t I try harder, focus harder in my movement, that way I would improve”. That thought alone would depress me and as I much as I tried to stay mindful, my mind was then scattered, it then flashed back to those time again. I was feeling insecure again, and wanting somewhere to hide.
I’m so afraid this happened again, is there a way that I can do to make this completely gone? Is there a way to look inside me, to understand, and remove this attachment completely? Though I’ve read the Four Noble Truth, I automatically recognized that the First Noble Truth is very right, I also know now that I am ambitious somewhat to be successful, to be recognized, but I don’t know a way to get rid of this thought pattern. Or is this desire to remove this attachment an attachment itself? As the more I desired to find something to get rid of this, the more burning I felt inside.
It sounds like you're doing a lot of suffering right now and from your post I gather that your suffering is coming from an inability to accept and love yourself the way you are right now.
As human beings, we talk to ourselves in our heads all the time. It's called our "inner dialogue". We tell ourselves all sorts of different things depending on our moods, how we feel about ourselves and what other people have told us about ourselves. For example, if we're not feeling capable of doing something we may tell ourselves "There's no way I'm going to be able to do that" or "I'm going to fail if I try to do that" and so on.
If we've been told by our parents or our teachers that we're not good enough and that we don't try hard enough we often repeat those negative thoughts to ourselves and tell ourselves the same things. For example, if our parents often told us that we weren't good enough we will often say to ourselves "You're not good enough. You don't try hard enough. If you tried harder you'd be better. If you could only get this right you'd be a better person and more worthy of love and acceptance" and so on and so on.
We believe what we tell ourselves. When our inner dialogue is negative, for example "Why don't you try harder?", we're telling ourselves that we aren't good enough, that we have to "fix" ourselves, and that once we do that we'll feel better about ourselves and people will like us more. We believe that once we "make ourselves better" our lives will become better. This is a lie. And I'll tell you why.
This type of thinking never makes us happier, and it doesn't result in making us better people because it becomes a habit. We're habitually, or continually telling ourselves that we're not good enough as we are and every time we tell ourselves that, we stop ourselves from becoming better because we're robbing ourselves of our power to do anything, including change for the better.
It's like asking for money. It's much easier to ask for money when you already have some. But it's much more difficult to ask for money when you have none at all. The power is the money, the knowing that you already have some money.
So when you ask yourself to change for the better, you have to start with some power. And that power is already knowing you have something good in you. You have to have the power before you're able to change. The power you need right now is knowing that you are good enough as you are. Say that 100 times. I'm not kidding. I want you to say "I'm good enough the way I am." I want you say it over and over and over.
The reason I want you to do this is because I want you to start overriding your negative inner voice with a positive one. This is extremely important, ro. You MUST stop saying negative things to yourself and replace them with positive statements, like "I'm good enough the way I am." And the reason I want you to do this is simple; because the positive statements you make about yourself are closer to the truth than the negative ones are. And you must deal with the way things really are in order to make changes for the better.
The reason you're suffering is because you keep telling yourself that there's something wrong with you that needs to be fixed. There's isn't. And when you tell yourself that there's something wrong with you, you're lying to yourself. You're fine the way you are. But when you tell yourself you aren't, you start behaving like you aren't because you believe what you're telling yourself. In other words, every time you tell yourself that there's something wrong with you, you make it happen.
The good news is that the opposite is true. Every time you tell yourself something positive about yourself, you make that happen, too. That's why you have to change your inner dialogue. That's how you empower yourself to make changes.
Don't think about it too much. Just do it. Change what you're telling yourself. Tell yourself positive things about yourself, like "I have all the confidence in the world. I can do anything I put my mind to", and "I'm an intelligent and compassionate human being and I can be anything and do anything."
Once you change the way you talk to yourself you'll start feeling better and more empowered. Do you understand what I mean?
There are two parts of you. There's an inside part and an outside part. The inside part of you is perfect. It has everything you need; all the knowledge, understanding, confidence, intelligence, beauty, love, empathy etc. etc. Everything. It's perfect. The outside you is imperfect but if it gets to know the inside you the outside you will change. The more the outside you gets to know and understand the inside you the better the outside you will be. In Buddhism I guess the inside you would be called your Buddhanature.
Does this help at all?
Your friend,
Brigid
I read your post and a few things came to mind:
1) “why don’t I try harder, focus harder in my movement, that way I would improve”.
Because it doesn't work that way. Right Effort is a delicate balance between hard striving and laziness. Trying harder is only appropriate if you are being lazy.
What I'm guessing is that you have been doing well in your practice as of late. So well that you have begun to notice the results. You say 'hey, I'm feeling pretty good now, so if I try even harder, I'll feel even better.' Here you are clinging to the results. They feel good, so you want more. Then you feel like you need to change or try harder to get more, even though you have had good results. Part of our practice addresses contentment. The untrained mind does not stay content long and is always looking for something else. It's the whole 'the grass is always greener on the other side' syndrome. This thought is just a thought. In other words a mental fabrication based on past conditioning. Don't give it too much power.
2) "I’m so afraid this happened again, is there a way that I can do to make this completely gone? Is there a way to look inside me, to understand, and remove this attachment completely?"
Fall down 10 times, get up 11. Fall down 100 times, get up 101.
In other words, this is going to happen over and over again. There is no magic pill. Like a baby learning to walk or a toddler learning to run, you're going to fall down and scrape your knees from time to time. The important part here is to keep getting back up (by getting back to your practice). If you keep getting back up this is going to happen less and less frequently. And when it does happen it will be more fleeting and less powerful.
The very thought “why don’t I try harder, focus harder in my movement, that way I would improve” was likely due to a moment of unmindfulness. It won't stop happening until you can bring your full awareness to it and see all the factors which lead up to this culminating thought. According to the buddha's teachings, desire and ignorance are at the root of this suffering. Karma is translated as volitional actions. volition implies a willingness or desire. Knowing what the desire is let's you know why you are doing what are doing. It also gives you the ability to assess whether your actions are effectively addressing the desire and to eventually figure out a course of action which actually satisfies the desire.
3) Basically, being mindful is equivalent to being conscious. This is going against lifelong (and perhaps multiple-lives-long) habits which have developed. If I remember correctly, when asked what is reborn from life to life, Chogyam Trungpa responded, 'our bad habits.' Habits are patterns of behavior which develop over time due to unmindfulness or unconscious reactionism. These habits take place in our thoughts, words and bodily actions. Do not expect them to be uprooted by meditating a few hours, days, or even months. The only real solution here is to put the dharma into practice one step at a time. Taking one step encourages another step. Taking several steps produces noticable results which encourages us further to keep taking steps. At this point the mind wants to take back up its habit of running with our practice. It is essential to realize this will not get us there any faster, but will more likely cause us to stumble. Keep to what works. One step at a time. Don't miss a beat. If you persistently apply this 'one step at a time' approach, the effect will accumulate, your faith will grow, and your doubts will diminish. It may seem you are going to slow, but the effect of this is cumulative and will snowball.
Treat your mindfulness practice as though you are growing a plant. The plant will grow at its own pace according to its own nature. Watering it too much will kill it. Watering it too little will kill it. Regard your negative experiences (such as this one) as fertilizer and all your activities as soil for growth. Without the soil, your practice will not be able to take root. These negative experiences are real dharma lessons. They are non-conceptual and cause our practice to be strengthened and nourished, just as fertilizer strengthens and nourishes a plant. Now, we don't want to smother our practice with these negative experiences, just learn recognize them as a boon to our practice, rather than an obstacle.
Anyway, that's enough for now. I hope it speaks to your situation and can aid you in your journey.
Take care & be well
_/\_
metta
Not1Not2, I continue my practice of mindfulness in daily life, though being a little bit loosen.
I am also trying to meditate for around 10 minutes every night. My method is taught in a book written by a Vietnamese monk. This method starts with counting from 1 to 10 with every cycle of breath going in and out. So if there's a different thought while counting or if the count is wrong, then restart counting from 1. And then later when the practice get better (easily counting without getting a distracted thought), then move to backward counting from 10 to 1. And then when this get easily done, move to just paying attention of the breath. The author said that this practice is to calm the mind to be able to see those thought that destroy our happiness.
So I read the following post on meditation
That seems to contradict with the method that I learned, where it is trying to focus in counting perfectly from 1 to 10 and being free from distracted thoughts. So what should I, a beginner, do?
You can find the thread here.
Hope this helps.
Brigid