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Right speech.
I recently came across something a moto I wrote down about a year ago when I was working on right speech...
I find that lately I've put myself in the role of the "therapist" and once fishing out problems from people, then provide advice. I'm a little tired of listening to myself and it's usually when I am hunting to help other people when I myself am in need of help. I suppose I see people suffering in some way, much in the same suffering I've done with many of the same things before, and want them automatically to snap out of it once I share my experience.
It seems that practicing right speech to me translates into providing advice or discussing philosophy and even though people generally resist therapy, I persist in making people challenge themselves in this way although I don't feel that is necessarily my place.
Should I continue to ask uncomfortable questions (sometimes with people I barely know) when all someone wants to do is discuss something more superficial? Or should I shut up even if (or especially if) I think I know what to say to help the other person? Eh...I guess I'm looking for thoughts on my logic here.
"Aware of the suffering caused by unmodified speech and the inability to listen to others, I am committed to cultivating loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and relieve others of their suffering..."
"...I will refrain from uttering words that cause division or discord, or that can cause the family or the community to break. I am determined to make all efforts to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small."I've brought this practice into my forethought for the past week and am having difficulties. Mainly listening.
I find that lately I've put myself in the role of the "therapist" and once fishing out problems from people, then provide advice. I'm a little tired of listening to myself and it's usually when I am hunting to help other people when I myself am in need of help. I suppose I see people suffering in some way, much in the same suffering I've done with many of the same things before, and want them automatically to snap out of it once I share my experience.
It seems that practicing right speech to me translates into providing advice or discussing philosophy and even though people generally resist therapy, I persist in making people challenge themselves in this way although I don't feel that is necessarily my place.
Should I continue to ask uncomfortable questions (sometimes with people I barely know) when all someone wants to do is discuss something more superficial? Or should I shut up even if (or especially if) I think I know what to say to help the other person? Eh...I guess I'm looking for thoughts on my logic here.
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Comments
Helping can become an ego trip.
But if conditions are ripe then the dharma asserts itself. You do not help them.
Sometimes its a smile. Sometimes its doing absolutely nothing at all.
Spontaneous bodhisattva action only occurs when the unbearable is to bear yet the wind carries everything and there is nothing lost.
The whole point is to have an open heart. Sometimes that involves giving advice, hearing them out, or just stupid idle chatter. Nothing contrived, just spontaneous actions of body, speech and mind.
Hope this helps.
The tiger is in the east.
(just messing around I caught taiyaki's wind hehe)
first of all, they may not be prepared to be helped. a good therapist is approached, a good therapist does not 'hunt'. your hunting may well come across as intrusive.
Secondly - actually, it's none of your business - especially if you yourself are projecting from a point of weakness and need, yourself.
If I'm going to use a hammer to drive in a nail, I'm not going to seek a rusty bent nail, and use a hammer with no handle to do the job - am I? Did you manage to 'automatically snap out of it'? I very much doubt it. 'Healing' takes time.
This is why I hate the phrase, "Time is a great healer"
That's bull.
Chronological time does nothing but pass.
WE heal - and we take however long we individually need to get there.
And some people never get there at all.
So attempting to be a therapist to people, and expecting them to 'snap out of it' - while you yourself are in a position of needing help - is just a little bit screwy - isn't it? You're damn right it isn't!
Practising Right Speech also entails using all the other virtues in the 8Fold Path, including Right View and Right Intention, and you have to combine these matters and not attempt to practise them individually, in isolation from one another.
Consider it 'Right Everything' - and unfortunately, your view of these matters shows, quite evidently, that you are not getting Everything - Right.
Practising Right Speech does not ever translate into providing advice or discussing philosophy - when you yourself need advice, and need to study your philosophy introspectively.
Right speech also contains Right Silence.
Persisting in challenging people to challenge themselves is going to get you a bloody nose one of these days.
You know what they say - 'No Good Deed goes unpunished.'
Intrusion and challenge is definitely not Right Action, or Right Intention.
Do you never consider these as you act as 'Therapist'? No, you most definitely should not, because it is an unskillful action.
How many monks or priests do you see approaching people and getting them to discuss their negative kamma or go to confession because they feel that person needs help?
I guarantee - it hardly ever happens. definitely.
unfortunately, I personally see no logic here.
Because actually, you're not thinking it through thoroughly.
I've tried to give you help - even if I've sounded a little harsh, believe me - it's there.
Shush, and practice all 8.
Together.
I guess I forgot to mention that I don't necessarily accept Buddhism as the one and only truth to dealing with problems and due to western studies have integrated practices of psychology into my thought process...however negative that may be effecting it...which accepts a more (physically manifested) active participation. I like this. It does seem sometimes that when I am chattering the days away I'm distracting myself from myself. I reflect on my life up until this point and I have never grown one ounce without someone challenging my thought process and making me uncomfortable and I'm very grateful for those opportunities- that's exactly what you're doing as well. Of course I sought the advice. It always comes back to this doesn't it...
Thank you.
And sometimes we are forced to help and it sucks ass.
Taking the bodhisattva vow one attracts a shit ton of annoying, arrogant, prideful, ignorant beings. You become a magnet.
Thus to some its a living hell. But such hell is an invitation to grow compassion and to see the play of emptiness and our karma first hand.
No escape.
Thank you for your input everyone, now practice.
Listening is more important than giving advice.
http://newbuddhist.com/discussion/8869/do-speak-ill-of-the-three-treasures