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Buddhist viruses on the web...?
Buddhist Viruses are Lurking on the Web
Professor Richard P.Hayes of McGill University in Canada has compiled a list of known viruses inhabiting Buddhist's computers. These viruses have been around for thousands of years and they even defy the skills of McAffey.
THERAVADA TERROR (often packaged in a seemingly innocuous file known as BHIKKHU.BUG): operates by giving ordination to your computer's CPU. While relatively harmless during the morning hours, this virus has the effect of making your computer refuse to intake or process any hard data after noon. (Female scholars need not be concerned about this virus, since female CPUs are not entitled to receive full ordination.)
MADHYAMAKA MONSTER: systematically replaces all data on the hard drive by a bit having a value of not 1, not 0, not both 1 and 0 and not neither 1 nor 0. The screen goes entirely blank, and whenever the operator taps a key, an information box pops up saying "There are no statements in this information box."
VIJNANAVADA VEXATION: is the only known computer virus that has no effect whatsoever on your software. It does, however, make all the hardware and peripheral devices disappear, and convinces the software that there is no real distinction between a computer program and the data it processes. One extreme version of this viral scourge (also known as SOFTWARE ONLY) has the effect of making your software believe that it is the only software in the universe.
VAJRAYANA VIRUS: attacks the computer's BIOS, causing the screen to emit a radiant clear light that beams directly into the operator's heart. The computer itself sustains no damage, but the operator's mind is transformed into mush with the inane message "The passions themselves are enlightenment. Misinformation itself is data." The operator then is overwhelmed with a compulsive urge to upload billions of gigabytes worth of graphics displays of incomprehensible mandalas onto Web sites around the world, for the benefit of all sentient machines.
INDRAJALA INFECTION: which causes all sentient beings to be networked, all information to be replicated, and whenever any sentient being is removed from the network neither it nor its previous context can be said to exist. (Also known as the 'ten coins terror'). Rumour has it this was the by-product of a marketing slogan coined by a lama doing contract work for Sun Microsystems, "the network is the operator". Once this virus has infected any machine, everything is instantly affected, and it is no longer posible to conceive of the universe in the absence of the virus.
Professor Richard P.Hayes of McGill University in Canada has compiled a list of known viruses inhabiting Buddhist's computers. These viruses have been around for thousands of years and they even defy the skills of McAffey.
THERAVADA TERROR (often packaged in a seemingly innocuous file known as BHIKKHU.BUG): operates by giving ordination to your computer's CPU. While relatively harmless during the morning hours, this virus has the effect of making your computer refuse to intake or process any hard data after noon. (Female scholars need not be concerned about this virus, since female CPUs are not entitled to receive full ordination.)
MADHYAMAKA MONSTER: systematically replaces all data on the hard drive by a bit having a value of not 1, not 0, not both 1 and 0 and not neither 1 nor 0. The screen goes entirely blank, and whenever the operator taps a key, an information box pops up saying "There are no statements in this information box."
VIJNANAVADA VEXATION: is the only known computer virus that has no effect whatsoever on your software. It does, however, make all the hardware and peripheral devices disappear, and convinces the software that there is no real distinction between a computer program and the data it processes. One extreme version of this viral scourge (also known as SOFTWARE ONLY) has the effect of making your software believe that it is the only software in the universe.
VAJRAYANA VIRUS: attacks the computer's BIOS, causing the screen to emit a radiant clear light that beams directly into the operator's heart. The computer itself sustains no damage, but the operator's mind is transformed into mush with the inane message "The passions themselves are enlightenment. Misinformation itself is data." The operator then is overwhelmed with a compulsive urge to upload billions of gigabytes worth of graphics displays of incomprehensible mandalas onto Web sites around the world, for the benefit of all sentient machines.
INDRAJALA INFECTION: which causes all sentient beings to be networked, all information to be replicated, and whenever any sentient being is removed from the network neither it nor its previous context can be said to exist. (Also known as the 'ten coins terror'). Rumour has it this was the by-product of a marketing slogan coined by a lama doing contract work for Sun Microsystems, "the network is the operator". Once this virus has infected any machine, everything is instantly affected, and it is no longer posible to conceive of the universe in the absence of the virus.
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Comments
If nothing else, it explains the different Schools of Thought better than anything else I have read - !!
There is no AV for those ones. These are the most dangerous of them