Shame

Floating_Abu

Do any of you ever feel ashamed?

Today I just did nothing all day, and feel ashamed of myself.

ownerof1000oddsocks

I do. Sometime spend all day cringeing about how low and corrupted I once behaved. Was that reallly me! What the hell happened..

Then I realize I'm still here, so have to get on with it no matter what tranpired- worrying does not good.

Onward and upward, (and sometimes garner inspiration from the Buddhist banter)

vinlyn

I wouldn't feel ashamed just because I picked a day to be lazy. But yes, there have been a very few things in my life that make me feel ashamed of myself.

Dakini

Do any of you ever feel ashamed?

Today I just did nothing all day, and feel ashamed of myself.

Is there a difference between shame and guilt? Just wondering. I've been told Tibetans use the terms "shame" a lot, but in Christian culture there's a lot about guilt. They seem like the same thing.

Floating_Abu

@Daikini

I think there is a difference.

taiyaki

Regret is an useful negative emotion which allows us to turn away from that which we regret. Its kind of the healthy slap in the head for us to cultivate the good.

Shame or guilt is staying with that negativity without seeing a way out. Thus it isn't transformed but usually turns into more guilt and shame. Many people construct identities around this.

Maybe in some sense having the capacity to feel guilt or regret is a practical thing. It maybe a natural consequence of an open heart.

The heart can feel both soft like a wound and joyful like a child.

Dakini

I don't think that devoting a day to downtime is anything to feel guilty about. We need downtime. This is a healthy thing, if not overdone. Enjoy.

vinlyn

Regret is an useful negative emotion which allows us to turn away from that which we regret.

?????

vinlyn

Do any of you ever feel ashamed?

Today I just did nothing all day, and feel ashamed of myself.

Is there a difference between shame and guilt? Just wondering. I've been told Tibetans use the terms "shame" a lot, but in Christian culture there's a lot about guilt. They seem like the same thing.

That's a good question.

Is the difference degree?

Shame seems such a strong emotion, to me.
Guilt seems a little less strong, but still powerful.
Regret seems more transitory, temporary, or far less strong.

Dakini

That's a good question.

Is the difference degree?

Shame seems such a strong emotion, to me.
Guilt seems a little less strong, but still powerful.
Regret seems more transitory, temporary, or far less strong.

hm...now you've got my thinking cap going. Guilt only involves oneself. One feels guilty before oneself. Shame involves others; one feels ashamed before others. Regret seems like guilt without the degree of moral judgment. People do carry regrets all their life, though not always.

taiyaki

Regret is an useful negative emotion which allows us to turn away from that which we regret.

?????

Regret is a good motivator to change your ways. Sorry its a saturday .

Dakini

Regret is an useful negative emotion which allows us to turn away from that which we regret.

?????

Regret is a good motivator to change your ways. Sorry its a saturday .

Yes, I agree with your overall statement earlier. Regret can be a catalyst for change. Hand-wringing over guilt is sort of an excuse not to change.

vinlyn

Regret is an useful negative emotion which allows us to turn away from that which we regret.

?????

Regret is a good motivator to change your ways. Sorry its a saturday .

Ok, that I can see.

Floating_Abu

I don't think that devoting a day to downtime is anything to feel guilty about. We need downtime. This is a healthy thing, if not overdone. Enjoy.

Thanks guys.

Well I have officially done it - full slob day. I'll still try not to make it a habit

On the topic of shame and regret etc. interesting interpretations. I would interpret it differently which just goes to show it's just how we relate to a word. The word itself is not fixed. For moi, regret is more of an ego activity. Shame is a more subtle heart quality. Other persons are irrelevant in this picture.

Floating_Abu

Regret is an useful negative emotion which allows us to turn away from that which we regret. Its kind of the healthy slap in the head for us to cultivate the good.

Shame or guilt is staying with that negativity without seeing a way out. Thus it isn't transformed but usually turns into more guilt and shame. Many people construct identities around this.

Maybe in some sense having the capacity to feel guilt or regret is a practical thing. It maybe a natural consequence of an open heart.

The heart can feel both soft like a wound and joyful like a child.

Regardless of the definitions which we all might use for it, I agree with taiyaki in terms of not wearing it like a cloak. And a sensitive open heart is infinitely more helpful to us in this world than an insensitive or closed one. But that is a different topic perhaps.

AllbuddhaBound

Feeling shame over doing nothing is the problem. Not being "lazy". What if you knew that whatever needed to get done, would get done in its own time? Or what if not doing something, was going to teach you something you needed to learn? Who knows how it will all turn out. It very well may be the best thing you have ever done in your life. Not saying it is, but it could be. The world is filled with possibilities. We get into trouble when we attach and act as though that whatever crosses our mind is the ultimate truth.