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"To Make" Peace
In my case, with Lonliness.
Sometimes, I can force it, a la "fake it til you make it." But faking anything is a struggle & drains me, never mind that it's not really peace..
Sometimes I sit with the Lonliness, but I'm very worried that sitting with will (easily) become dwelling in...
Sometimes I can distract myself, give myself a break... but it's not really relieving because my brain knows what I'm trying to do & bombards me with the "shoulds" that I've yet to accomplish (mostly chores)...
I don't have the freedoms of most -- single Mommy has a short leash... makes it difficult to meditate, or go see a movie, or even stretch! (Toe-touches don't work well with small fingers up your nose! Lol)
I can provide more situational context later (on lunch right now), but Lonliness has been with me in one form or another since I was around 8...
Any thoughts or suggestions?
Sometimes, I can force it, a la "fake it til you make it." But faking anything is a struggle & drains me, never mind that it's not really peace..
Sometimes I sit with the Lonliness, but I'm very worried that sitting with will (easily) become dwelling in...
Sometimes I can distract myself, give myself a break... but it's not really relieving because my brain knows what I'm trying to do & bombards me with the "shoulds" that I've yet to accomplish (mostly chores)...
I don't have the freedoms of most -- single Mommy has a short leash... makes it difficult to meditate, or go see a movie, or even stretch! (Toe-touches don't work well with small fingers up your nose! Lol)
I can provide more situational context later (on lunch right now), but Lonliness has been with me in one form or another since I was around 8...
Any thoughts or suggestions?
0
Comments
And we're always here :-)
But the gap between loneliness and aloneness is large.
Aloneness encompasses everything. Its the willingness to just sit by yourself and open to everything as it is.
Loneliness is the feeling of being separate or alienated from everything.
I would suggest to just sit with it. Watch it evolve and change. Like everything else.
Hope you learn to be alone. Personally I love it.
Sabre
I'll have to check the book out -- Thank you for the recommendation. I was reading/working through a cognitive therapy book... This may sound odd, but while I was doing the work, I felt like I was talking to myself a lot. Which is normally fine & dandy -- I do it quite frequently & zealously! -- but it was also a continuous struggle because I had to talk to myself into, through, & (eventually) out of a lot of negative thoughts...
Serious mental work.
(enter @Taiyaki)
Sitting with & observing & befriending one's emotions/thoughts (negative or positive) is serious work. Watching while feeling/thinking. Being inside the moment & outside the moment. Letting the mind do what it needs to do, all the while guarding boundaries & re-directing the general train of thought away from ruts & cliffs.
Dare I say: I am a parent to a 2.5 year old boy who hits the ground running at 6am & doesn't really stop until bedtime. A boy who is constantly watching & mimicking & learning & rebelling & laughing & mess-making...
Now, add to that watching my own monkey brain ...
Oy!!
@how
It has been my lack of openness or acceptance of where ever...
Quick response: Yup. I get that. That clicks & resonates someplace down deep.
Longer response: Thank you.
Prior to your reply, "lack of acceptance" & "loneliness" were never linked, remotely or directly. Just two distinct, separate, & unsolvable thought-bubbles/problems floating along in the puddle of my brain.
There is much in my current situation that I do not accept. I could list them... but it seems more important to further the statement by saying that I feel bombarded by shoulds.
It's not only that I don't accept them, but that I feel forced to deal with them.
Forced acceptance becomes resignation.
I just fought my way out of a few levels of resignation, trying to ,make my peace, with them.
Forcing peace.
Creating a lot out of a little because something more has to be there.
Should be there.
Fake it til you make it.
Force it til you make it.
I don't accept my current lot in life.
I resign myself to it because this new-apartment-single-Mommy Life is what I have to deal with.
This "life" as it is right now... is not Home.
And I am struggling to make it "home".
@Sabre
Many thanks! I'll watch it on my lunch break
Definitely appreciated. The video, as well as the experience of watching/listening.
Things clicked.
Quiet spirit.
Gratitude.
I believe meditation can help with loneliness. What is loneliness? Isn't it somewhat of a concept or a state of mind? Could it be something that our mind projects? Meditation can help because we learn to sit with our mind. We learn that by nature our mind is ever-flowing with thoughts, feelings, ideas, and projections. It is only natural that our minds projects different feelings and emotions from time to time. Meditation is a way to strengthen our minds and helps us worry less about our feelings and emotions. When feelings of loneliness or sadness arise, realize that happiness is the goal. The best way to become happy is to find peace. The best way to find peace is with meditation.
metta
Watch it sit with it and become it's friend.
I had serious problems with depression most of my adult life ( I am 42).
I thought if I sat with it it would crush me.
So very slowly over much time I began to sit with it. I became familiar with it, deeply. I cried many times. If this emotion comes around now it has no power. Were on a first name basis. Before it would terrify me, it seemed to come out of nowhere with tremendous force. Now it's like a little kitten I can hold, it's stays for a little bit but gets up and leaves on its own accord. Be gentle, care for yourself, and know these emotions are just that, emotions and as with all things are annata and annica. Forgetting these emotions are annata and annica will bring dukkha.
Try not to think so much and be fully there for your child. Your life is your life. Do what you can to make it the way you want it to be, but accept the things that cannot be changed and get over them. Otherwise you are just setting yourself up for misery.
All the best to you Abu.
I have thought before that our practice is only really understandable by someone who also shares in it
Thankyou for yours
_/\_