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Awareness and Visions
Hello,
I havent been around in awhile, lately (in the last month) Several things have happened that are really starting to stir the questions of ego and awareness and I felt like I had to share them with someone. This forum being my only sangha, I felt I should share them here.
The most interesting thing happened to me today. I was doing my own thing earlier today when out of nowhere I had a word repeating over and over in my head..."dakini"
At first, I had no idea what this word meant, but I felt like deep down I knew what it meant, or that I had read it somewhere. This word kept repeating over and over. Finally, I got on the computer and went to wikipedia to look it up. To my amazement it was related to buddhism. Now, when this word was repeating in my head I didnt think that it was related to buddhism, it never crossed my mind. When I read about it on wikipedia, it described dakini as a muse to spiritual growth.
I still dont understand why I started thinking about this.
Other than that, in the last month I have began to notice that alot of things feel really familiar, almost like I have experienced them before, but I know I have not. Could this be feelings from a past life? my dreams are seeming to become more vivid every night, it almost feels like every morning I wake up, and I can feel considerably more aware than I was the day before.
I guess my question is, when I experience things like this, should I keep them to myself or share them with people? I imagine most people would thing I was going insane :P
I havent been around in awhile, lately (in the last month) Several things have happened that are really starting to stir the questions of ego and awareness and I felt like I had to share them with someone. This forum being my only sangha, I felt I should share them here.
The most interesting thing happened to me today. I was doing my own thing earlier today when out of nowhere I had a word repeating over and over in my head..."dakini"
At first, I had no idea what this word meant, but I felt like deep down I knew what it meant, or that I had read it somewhere. This word kept repeating over and over. Finally, I got on the computer and went to wikipedia to look it up. To my amazement it was related to buddhism. Now, when this word was repeating in my head I didnt think that it was related to buddhism, it never crossed my mind. When I read about it on wikipedia, it described dakini as a muse to spiritual growth.
I still dont understand why I started thinking about this.
Other than that, in the last month I have began to notice that alot of things feel really familiar, almost like I have experienced them before, but I know I have not. Could this be feelings from a past life? my dreams are seeming to become more vivid every night, it almost feels like every morning I wake up, and I can feel considerably more aware than I was the day before.
I guess my question is, when I experience things like this, should I keep them to myself or share them with people? I imagine most people would thing I was going insane :P
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Comments
I cannot shed any light on your experiences...I occasionally get words repeating in my mind.... but to date, never one I haven't been able to identify or relate to immediately...
Just go with the flow...Don't attach too much importance or significance to this...it is probably your subconscious throwing something at you, in a timely manner and arousing your curiosity...But don't get 'stuck' in it... just add it to your knowledge store, and accept - and move on....
Thanks for sharing....
I don't know about the past life stuff but I've had a few dreams in my life in which I was sure I was reliving a past life. In one dream I was a short, rich, Russian man with very nice shoes and a camel hair coat and I was walking...oooops. Sorry. Off topic. But that dream was more real than what I'm experiencing right now.
You can bring some pretty extreme things here and you'll get support. That's what a sangha's for.
Be well, waking up friend.
I made the decision this weekend to quit drinking. I feel it really dragging me down and hindering my progress. I pretty much gave up drinking up to this point (down to once a week) and over this weekend because of inexcusable behavior (in my eyes at least) I made that decision. My gf said I wasnt being obnoxious when I was extremely intoxicated but when I woke up sunday, I couldnt remember what I did saturday night or what I said to people. In the past this never bothered me, but this time for some reason it bothered me alot.
anyways, I can feel growth occuring and am trying to let go of things that are stopping me from proceeding. In the last couple weeks I quit other substances I was taking and feel much better now, next is the cigarettes
I havent felt this good in a long time and feel very happy that I have begun down the path.
thanks for the support!
Me too! I gave up the booze and everything else except the cigarettes and my doc and I have a plan for quiting, hopefully in the next 12 months. It makes a HUGE difference. Huge. Being clear, clean, sober and sharp makes life such a joy. No more remorse, regret, shame and guilt. This: speaks volumes! It's coming from deep inside you and it's shouting at you so you can hear. Other people never want us to quit drinking if they're still going to drink. It makes them feel guilty and we always want drinking buddies when we're drinking. That's why there are bars.
But when the inner Buddha speaks we ignore it at our own great peril. When he tells you there's something wrong, there is. I'm so glad you hear him so clearly and I'm so happy for you! Crystal clear is where it's all at, my friend.
Brigid
P.S. Remember, don't beat yourself up if you have a slip. Now that you've heard the inner Buddha he'll keep talking and you'll hear him. Every new moment is another chance.
Just like you said, the inner buddha that I have ignored for so long is finally shouting at me. So loud to the point that I cannot ignore it any further, if I would ignore it from here on out I would feel much too guilty that I am trying to tell myself something and couldnt bear to ignore it any longer.
I feel as if a blinding screen has been lifted from my eyes, and for the first time, I feel as if I am really listening to myself. It's quite exciting and I can't wait to learn more.
I am continuing to practice mindfulness breathing every morning when I wake up, only for 10 minutes at a time to help heighten my awareness.
I am also reading "awakening the buddha within" at the moment, almost done with it, although I think I will have to read it again to absorb all the information in it.
Is there any other books anyone can reccommend? I really enjoy this book and it is very easy to follow and understand. A friend gave me a tibetan buddhism book that is much more difficult to read.
Again, thanks for the comments and guidance! it is much appreciated.
"Awakening to the Sacred" and "Awakening the Buddhist Heart"....
A later book he wrote - which is brilliant, also - is "Letting Go of the Person you used to Be."
I've had similar experiences. In fact, the way I connected with Buddhism was through a similar experience. I was stationed in Japan in the Air Force, just outside Tokyo at Yokota AB. I used to spend a lot of time going around to various Buddhist temples and museums as they really attracted me. One day I was walking through the National Museum in Tokyo and happened by a small case with a display about Japanese esoteric Buddhism (Shingon I think), which is a Japanese version of Vajrayana. In the case was a dorje, or vajra. Something about the dorje really resounded with me. Here amidst all the magnificent relics of Japanese Buddhist history this little insignificant vajra was the thing that caught my attention. I became almost obsessed with finding out more about what it was because I just had to know. I didn't know why I had to know, but I just did. Was that a past life thing? Probably, who can say? But it led me to the Path eventually. Still trying to completely understand it.
Interesting you should have the same experience with a dakini. A dakini is a female enlightened being (actually there are many kinds of dakinis, but from a Buddhist point of view it is the wisdom dakinis that we're concerned about). My teacher is a dakini, so that's what caught my eye. Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it. I think it's a very auspicious sign! And congrats on kicking drinking as well!
Palzang
I find it interesting that little things like your vajra or my dakini is enough to give us a kick in the pants so to speak
again, thanks for sharing. I always enjoy hearing other peoples stories.
Take what comfort and use there may be in any phenomena, natural, supernatural or any-other-natural, always remembering that they are only aids. Even a little shrew mouse can be your dakini, a rose (with its thorns) your treasure-revealer.