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The five skhandas, and emotional pain
Jeffrey
Veteran
The heart sutra, a concise sutra about freeing the mind from belief in a self, mentions the five skhandas. These skhandas
form
feeling (good bad and neutral)
perception (THAT is related to this (I think))
formations (belief system (I think))
consciousness (intuitive, I think it's awareness sense, like form, but awareness/mind))
These skhandas are bags with contents but none of the contents *is* me.
So my question is how can you practice this way in emotional pain? Say you are fighting with your significant other every day. Don't take that likely. How many of us have been in such a negative view that we thought of suicide. It is not a light topic.
So how do you escape the gravity of such a strong depressive view and get in even a mindset to hear and follow the heart sutra.
I will definitely say that listening or reading helps in rough times (immensely). It washes over my body and works out tension. So it *can* help, but when I analyze the skhandas it doesn't seem like I could ever just see the intense pain as illusory. Please lets be sensitive and consider the perspective of someone in serious pain in our answers.
form
feeling (good bad and neutral)
perception (THAT is related to this (I think))
formations (belief system (I think))
consciousness (intuitive, I think it's awareness sense, like form, but awareness/mind))
These skhandas are bags with contents but none of the contents *is* me.
So my question is how can you practice this way in emotional pain? Say you are fighting with your significant other every day. Don't take that likely. How many of us have been in such a negative view that we thought of suicide. It is not a light topic.
So how do you escape the gravity of such a strong depressive view and get in even a mindset to hear and follow the heart sutra.
I will definitely say that listening or reading helps in rough times (immensely). It washes over my body and works out tension. So it *can* help, but when I analyze the skhandas it doesn't seem like I could ever just see the intense pain as illusory. Please lets be sensitive and consider the perspective of someone in serious pain in our answers.
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"And how, householder, is one afflicted (âturo) in body but not afflitcted in mind? Here, householder, the instructed noble disciple (ariya-savaka), who is a seer of the noble ones and is skilled and disciplined in their Dhamma, who is a seer of superior persons and is skilled and disciplined in their Dhamma, does not regard form as self, or self as possessing form, or form as in self, or self as in form. He does not live obsessed by the notions: “I am form, form is mine. As he lives unobsessed by these notions, that form of his changes and alters. With the change and alteration of them, they do not arise in him sorrow, lamentation , pain displeasure, and despair. [Ditto with the rest of the aggregates] It is in such a way, house holder, that one is afflicted in body but not afflicted in mind" (S.iii.4–5).
And if I'm fighting with my significant other every day, I need to have a good look at myself. I have had rough relationships in the past, my ex wife in particular comes to mind, but I know that situation was created by my selfishness and self centredness. I was more worried about my own happiness than her happiness, and this led to huge conflicts.
With the current Mrs Tosh, I find that when I am less selfish and self centred, when I try to put her happiness first, she sees me trying really hard to be a better, kinder human being, and this in turn inspires her to try and be less selfish, and she tries to put my happiness first. It's a win-win situation.
Of course, in real life it doesn't always work out as smoothly as I've indicated, but it does work; and takes some practise and hard work too.
And the Heart Sutra is great; I love meditating on emptiness, and it just seems to me to be a tool to help me see the emptiness in certain situations that frighten me; so that I can understand that some stuff is 'not such a big deal' (it's empty of inherent substance), and it enables me to conquer some of the fear I have regarding the situation.
As an example I had to make an amend to my Mother who had disowned me some 10 years prior. This amend really frightened the pants off me; my Mother was a scary woman and I had been an utter prat. But I tried to see the emptiness of the situation, especially when I was gripped by fear, and I did indeed make the amend. It was very touching too; I cried a little.
On my long drive back home (I live hundreds of miles from my mother), I realised my Mum had changed from 'this scary hard hearted woman' to 'a lonely woman full of regrets', and my heart really softened towards her.
It's funny how we create people in our minds? Including the significant others that we fight with.
I think seeing it, knowing that it is a depressive view, a fabricated mindset, getting distance to step back from it, might be the best thing. I don't have a magic formula though, but any kind of space one can make in one's life can help.
When we are in emotional pain we are too sensitive about what is and what is not ours. If we try to practice in that condition, it might not help us with our problem, and we would not have clear insight. My suggestion is to find an alternative to help calm us down first. Perhaps relaxation or reading a book. Once we have calmed down, we can practice. Whatever the skhandas are should not matter. Whether they are real or illusory is beyond the point of what we are going through. Karma is cause and effect, so knowing this we should be careful about what we cause. This is all the "real" we need to know really.
In terms of pain and suffering, I believe we all can relate with this subject. As much as we would like to help those who are suffering, we should also know when to help ourselves when needed. Sometimes we just need to set our mind in the right direction. For anyone going through emotional pain, maybe it would be of help to reflect on metta (loving kindness) starting with yourself. Take a deep breath and reflect on these words, "May I be free of suffering", "May I find true happiness". This should at least set us in the direction of wanting to be free of suffering. Then we should do the same for others, "May all beings find true happiness", "May all beings be free of suffering". When we have metta during our times of emotional pain, we can see that everyone suffers, and not just us. After having done this, we can practice meditation. Meditation is the best way to get to know and understand the skhandas.
metta
The Skhandas have been useful to me as a magnifying glass for examining my own attachments.
Most of us have a particular skhanda that really hooks into our sense of identity. Finding and attending to the one which is most important to us, can bypass a lot of the obscuring dust from the overall state of our own suffering.
The skhanda delineation that I found helpful and trained with was Form/ Sensation/ Thought/ Activity & Consciousness.
I find that Meditation often illustrates Suffering as illusory but to experience this with pain has required a state of grace that has been rare for me.
How do you experience the difference between pain & suffering?
I think of pain as the result of living. The ol' birth, old age, disease & death. The nerve warning system of a body alert system.
whereas, I experience suffering as my resistance or avoidance of that pain.
Pain is part of life but suffering can be optional. My own suffering seems to arise and exist be in direct proportion to my ability to accept or reject, what is or isn't
I'm too much of a pussy about suffering to not pay very close attention to what parts of lifes uncomfortableness can be side stepped.
The suffering of pain. This means that even though you get a burn on your hand it doesn't mean that you can't get bit by a dog that same day. There is no limit in some sense to what kinds of pain.
The suffering of change.
The pervasive suffering of ignorance.
But again I am in your context talking about suffering. So I am racist and cannot get rid of that in a meditation. Every day I think backstabbing thoughts about people of other races. All psychoanalyzing and intellect does not get rid of my racism. I wouldn't act on racism and in fact have had many friends of other races but my mind backstabs people of other races in whatever ways that manifests. Karma of not disciplining the mind in my life; I always just said, oh my thoughts are just thoughts. And now I am stuck a racist. Porn is another insidious negative karma that can ruin the mind.
Cuddle the pain. Don't add or subtract.
Don't label or judge.
Just pain. Feel it. Open to it. Let it boil yoU until you're
Completely naked and soft.
Thats the only way. Feel.
That's why I am so frustrated. All of my potential as a student and I am in such a position that none of my readings can help. My teacher does not hear voices and I am like in untested ground.
Peace
The idea is to not get pulled in at the start. Prevention is always better than cure.
But the take home message is that you hurt peoples feelings. You should confine that opinion you have to when people ask.
Depression is not a trivial illness. There is extreme suffering justifying the medicine.
Eric Harris is an anecdote not a study. Rhetoric.
My teacher said that psychiatric medicines may be the blessings of the Bodhisattvas.
Or is it that with mindfulness we recognise when such thoughts first arise and then choose not to pursue or develop them?