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Dealing with fear and more
I won't write some long, well phrased, or "good" post, because if I re-read or think too much about it, I'm sure I'll delete it.
So. I have no idea how to deal with how dehumanized our society is, how much pain we cause each other by not really seeing or treating each other as human beings. Rules and regulations, roles, individuality, and a lot of other things all come before we even think to recognize each other as human beings. (And human beings isn't really a good way of putting it, because I don't mean humans specifically, maybe living beings instead, but that may be to limited as well... I'm not sure how to explain what I mean by that.)
An example: I can understand people having certain hurtful opinions, such as all who are sick or unemployed are only lazy and trying to exploit the system. What I can't understand is how such opinions can be considered acceptable.
Seeing how much pain we cause each other by not treating, or even seeing, each other as humans is very painful, frightening, frustrating, and overwhelming (and knowing that there's absolutely nothing I can do to fix it makes it much worse), and I have no idea how to deal with it.
So instead of dealing, I fill my head with endless chatter, read, play games, listen to music, anything to numb myself really (which I used to do more or less automatically, now I always see myself doing it, which makes it worse in a way because I know it's not good or healthy, but I guess it's good that I'm aware of doing it).
I don't want to live my life like that, but I don't know how to not be overwhelmed by all pain I see and all the stupid things we do to hurt each other.
So. I have no idea how to deal with how dehumanized our society is, how much pain we cause each other by not really seeing or treating each other as human beings. Rules and regulations, roles, individuality, and a lot of other things all come before we even think to recognize each other as human beings. (And human beings isn't really a good way of putting it, because I don't mean humans specifically, maybe living beings instead, but that may be to limited as well... I'm not sure how to explain what I mean by that.)
An example: I can understand people having certain hurtful opinions, such as all who are sick or unemployed are only lazy and trying to exploit the system. What I can't understand is how such opinions can be considered acceptable.
Seeing how much pain we cause each other by not treating, or even seeing, each other as humans is very painful, frightening, frustrating, and overwhelming (and knowing that there's absolutely nothing I can do to fix it makes it much worse), and I have no idea how to deal with it.
So instead of dealing, I fill my head with endless chatter, read, play games, listen to music, anything to numb myself really (which I used to do more or less automatically, now I always see myself doing it, which makes it worse in a way because I know it's not good or healthy, but I guess it's good that I'm aware of doing it).
I don't want to live my life like that, but I don't know how to not be overwhelmed by all pain I see and all the stupid things we do to hurt each other.
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Comments
Thank you aguula.... *
I too, feel the way you do and often react in the same ways, trying to numb myself to the world.
Given a choice I'd take me and my family off to a remote island and never again have contact with the outside world
I think that feeling like this shows that you are naturally compassionate - now you only need to find a way to deal with that compassion.
Sometimes it all gets too much - being witness to the compassionless, disrepectful way we treat each other, animals, and the planet. If I'm having a bad day, it's best if I don't watch the news or I become unbearable to be with
Practising meditation is helping me to deal with these things differently. I used to hate going out and having to mix with other people. Seeing the suffering and ignorance in the world made me feel angry and frustrated. Now, rather than just seeing all that's bad in the world, I'm starting to see the good again. I notice every little act of kindness I observe and it makes me feel happy
We can't change the whole world single handed. All we can do is do small things with compassion. If something you do makes even a small improvement for a single person's life, then you have achieved something great.
There's no easy answer to this, and maybe, with more buddhist practice and hopefully moving closer to 'seeing', it will get just a little easier to handle
Take care
Sas:buck:
sometimes i feel like there are hardly any people like me where i live.. none of them seem to understand or feel compasion, i was watching the wright stuff.. it was discussing a girl who had passed out on the subway..
She was asking for help and no one would help her until at one stop an elderly man picked her up and put her on his shoulder and took her out the subway to a bench and set her down and made sure she was ok.
But he said he wouldn't have done it lesten it happened to his daughter a while back..
society seems to have seperated into groups all angry at each other showing contempt and grouping together especially the poor.. while more middle classed people seem to lock themselves off from everyone.. is very strange..
sometimes i wonder what the point is of practising buddhism if no one is going to understand me or my views/beliefs.. i mean my dad and mum and really ignorant of this and my dad makes sny comments about buddhism.. acting like he is above me when he knows nothing and doesnt understand things to the extent that i do.. he believes im susceptable and naive.. but im nothing of the sort at all.. i challenge everything before i can even accept it and even then i still challenge it if something somes up
Its not nice living in a place where you dont feel welcomed but its not that bad either, only if you let it get to you, and its unfortnate that people like ourselves would probably be rejected for any major role in the country such as government because people are confused and misinterpret what we stand for.
as for wasting your time yea i do that , probs same reason, i have nothing else to do.. still bothers me but not as much .. when i get my driving license or a girlfriend it shud change
I interact with few and those are mostly like minded people.
Being in the world but not part of it may be one point of isolated monastaries.
I have played the political activist. Now I search for peace through an inner journey.
Now I will try to say this from my limited buddhist understanding. Grasping desires, ignorance, consequences of kamma and delusions are in me and in the world. I can change only those in me.
whats the point of all of it? argueing and so on .. it doesn't matter.. hardly anything does apart from your own hapiness... because its pretty much all you have
Yes, you're right. These small things don't matter at all and we take things far too seriously when in actual fact they probably have very little effect on our own lives. We let these things get to us, we get angry, frustrated, we blow up. We take things too seriously. Pema Chodran speaks about this a lot and says we all need to chill.
But not avoid. Avoidance, unfortunately, is not the answer, which came as bitter medicine to me, a hermit like Aing. I like to live in near solitude, (then again I'm online here with you guys all the time.)
But it's important to notice the ways we try to avoid things that we find unpleasant. We do all kinds of mindless stuff to avoid things we don't want to deal with (like our own minds, for example); we watch TV, talk incessantly about silly things, we take drugs, we drink booze, we listen to music, we shop, we daydream, we think about the past, we think about the future, we work on our lawns, we drive, we work, we read dumb books and magazines, we go to loud bars, movie cinemas, we do everything we possibly can to block things out. We all do it, too.
But the point of Buddhism is to stop avoiding and start facing. That's why we practice mindfulness, why we meditate, why we try to sit with things just as they are, whether their pleasant or not, peaceful or painful, smooth or sharp. We behave in certain skillful ways but at the same time we are training our minds to become more accepting and more flexible, less intolerant and irritable. We're learning to accept things and ourselves just as they are while at the same time improving them. But improving them is not the main goal. The main goal is acceptance because that's achievable and lasting. Changing things is good but things change back or change in other ways. It's like trying to hold on to a greasy eel. But we have control over our minds. We can change how our minds work (literally), and how we perceive the world and that sort of change can last. That's why we all find ourselves coming here.
One of the things that always makes me really happy is seeing someone I don't know do something kind for someone they don't know.
It helps a little to know that other people feel the same way and that I'm not just crazy. It's just so overwhelming to see all this that I have no idea how to even *start* trying to deal with it instead of running away from it.
It hurts because it doesn't have to be this way, this is unnecessary suffering that *we* create, and keep creating. It's much easier for me to deal with death or illness, because that's natural, that's just the way of the world. This is something *we* create, there's nothing natural or true about it. *We* hurt each other, and we don't have to (although I do realise that a lot of people feel like they have to, like there is no choice). I don't know how to deal with that.
I have to start meditating again but I've had a really hard time getting into it since I came back home. It gets frustrating to not have a group for support or to ask questions, but I shouldn't use that as an excuse.
There were some really good points in the "Why would anyone want to reach Nirvana" thread that felt relevant to this one.
I've been given a lot to think about here.
"What's the worst that can happen?" Is a question I have only really recently been asking, in relation to my 'Fears'....
And a glance at my post in the "Quiz Time - Self" thread, will show you how I have been working to keep things in perspective......
Sometimes, the question "Why?" has no answer...No immediate and logical response, other than 'because it can.' Sometimes, not even that.
That wonderful phrase, with regard to Conservation, and re-cycling, is really very appropriate here:
'Think Globally - Act Locally.'
Changing the World is a huge and monumental task.... all we can hope, as individuals (who by and large hold no communal, local, regional or national Power to speak of) is to Make a Difference - Right here, right Now. Work first and foremost, upon yourself....then let that positive result diffuse and permeate into those around you - let it have a 'knock-on' effect.... Joy IS contagious. Living "Well" is 'enviable'.... I have had people approach me and ask me what my secret is - why am I always so happy....? Sure, I have my moments but they are few and far between - and getting fewer and further between-er - !!
If we spend time fretting and worrying, feeling down and despondent - then we are letting The Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha down..... and chiefly, ourselves. We owe it to ourselves to see the Reality of Things As They Are, and to just do our best.
I don't really have anything good or useful to add right now, but I appreciate the replies. I have a somewhat different perspective on it now, after reading all of this and other threads and links that people have posted around the board. This is a good place.