Dealing with planning and expectations

NGphotographer

I am working on dealing with having expectations on how things in life will go, such as an event. I plan everything out, what I will say and do months before an event. When things go unexpected such as someone else does not show up on time, I find myself getting frusterated. I know this is an attachment and I need to learn to just take things as they come. How does someone do that in a society that is so focused on planning your future and making sure everything goes smootly? How do people learn to take things as they come and just "focus on the now? Thanks!

Jeffrey

Try this.. http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/vctr/lionsroar.html

Sile

I am working on dealing with having expectations on how things in life will go, such as an event. I plan everything out, what I will say and do months before an event. When things go unexpected such as someone else does not show up on time, I find myself getting frusterated. I know this is an attachment and I need to learn to just take things as they come. How does someone do that in a society that is so focused on planning your future and making sure everything goes smootly? How do people learn to take things as they come and just "focus on the now? Thanks!

I'd be your worst nightmare, @NGphotographer! I seem to have an allergy to dates on a calendar--my mom, too--we feel that appointments "loom." Even if they're appointments for things we enjoy!

I don't know what cultural groups you hang with, but it can be really refreshing to spend time with cultures that have a more laid-back approach to the flow of life. If you can travel, I'd suggest Ireland or Italy, for starters, but short of that you could hang with some Irish or Italians (or Native Americans). There's something about seeing others successfully being laid-back that makes it all seem okay, possible, acceptable.

One trick I use is to say, "A year from now, will this matter?" That has helped me in the past (I don't agonize over order and planning, but other things like "did I just totally offend that person??)

I see a secondary part of this issue, though, and that is our incredibly over-packed schedules. For example, how many people in general does one need to show up on time, across a given week? If it's too many, the whole tension level of life is just cranked beyond decency. It really, really helps to reduce appointments in general, so that you can focus on being laid-back about fewer things.

Gui

How do people learn to take things as they come and just "focus on the now?

Try taking a trip to no place in particular. Just head in a direction. Leave any navigational devise and map at home. You will find you will never get lost. You are always here. And what wonders you find might amaze you when you aren't looking for what you expect to find.

federica

How do people learn to take things as they come and just "focus on the now? Thanks!

I'm not being facetious or flippant when I say this, truly, I am not - but imagine, when you feel yourself becoming frustrated and impatient, intolerant and cranky, that the people in the Twin towers had pretty full schedules in their diaries, too....but their involvement with life on a interactive level, was abruptly brought to a halt.

Put things into perspective; the world will not stop spinning on its axis if someone doesn't run to your schedule.
But what you do to yourself, in your mind, is your choice, and such thought patterns only serve to keep you blocked and deny you peace.

You only have today.