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Rapid Disintegration of Peace
Hey everyone.
Today I'm having what feels like a very serious problem. This morning I awoke and was somehow able to process the morning in a manner that left me very peaceful, and extremely aware of the Buddha's teachings. Despite being in a negative and hostile environment for hours, I was content inside, and did not possess the slightest desire to start any arguments or anything. I almost felt enlightened, as I felt I was somehow living the concept that if you limit your attachment to some things, you may also lessen the impact of displeasureable situations. In my case, I disregarded and stood out of the way of a volatile person whilst being completely free of their negative energy. It felt like I had put up an impenetrable barrier, and I was very, very happy.
However, as today wore on, slight little mishaps and peeves worked to push my buttons in just the way that sets me off, and eventually, I became the angriest I have been in months. I have calmed a little, but I am still being hindered by this horrible feeling. I don't understand how it effected me this way, as my Dharma circle just discussed Anger and I felt very enlightened on it, and even this morning I very confidently stated that anger is a foolish emotion and at times, a waste of one's time on Earth.
I have tried listening to His Holiness the Dalai Lama teach, as well as meditate, but neither works. Meditation is extremely hard where I spend most of my time, as I either wake up and am flooded with thought, or I am too tired to focus enough. Any other time of the day I am easily and often disturbed, as privacy is null, and finding a comfortable place without noise is also a great task.
I plan to try reading some literature by Thubten Chodron, my Dharma circle's close friend, and then sleep for many hours and meditate upon awakening.
Any wisdom on how this occured, what I can do to keep anger from reaching this point (as I know it is inescapable at times), how to calm myself further and any solutions to the meditative issue mentioned above would be very appreciated.
Thank you for your time, and have Metta
-Shaun
Today I'm having what feels like a very serious problem. This morning I awoke and was somehow able to process the morning in a manner that left me very peaceful, and extremely aware of the Buddha's teachings. Despite being in a negative and hostile environment for hours, I was content inside, and did not possess the slightest desire to start any arguments or anything. I almost felt enlightened, as I felt I was somehow living the concept that if you limit your attachment to some things, you may also lessen the impact of displeasureable situations. In my case, I disregarded and stood out of the way of a volatile person whilst being completely free of their negative energy. It felt like I had put up an impenetrable barrier, and I was very, very happy.
However, as today wore on, slight little mishaps and peeves worked to push my buttons in just the way that sets me off, and eventually, I became the angriest I have been in months. I have calmed a little, but I am still being hindered by this horrible feeling. I don't understand how it effected me this way, as my Dharma circle just discussed Anger and I felt very enlightened on it, and even this morning I very confidently stated that anger is a foolish emotion and at times, a waste of one's time on Earth.
I have tried listening to His Holiness the Dalai Lama teach, as well as meditate, but neither works. Meditation is extremely hard where I spend most of my time, as I either wake up and am flooded with thought, or I am too tired to focus enough. Any other time of the day I am easily and often disturbed, as privacy is null, and finding a comfortable place without noise is also a great task.
I plan to try reading some literature by Thubten Chodron, my Dharma circle's close friend, and then sleep for many hours and meditate upon awakening.
Any wisdom on how this occured, what I can do to keep anger from reaching this point (as I know it is inescapable at times), how to calm myself further and any solutions to the meditative issue mentioned above would be very appreciated.
Thank you for your time, and have Metta
-Shaun
0
Comments
@lamaramadingdong
I usually save mine for the mornings, but I'm considering doing it now, now that you mention it.
Non-contention is not submissiveness, capitulation or passivity. The Buddha is famous for having forestalled a war between the Koliyans and the Sakyans over water rights to the Rohi River. So, how to encounter Mara without being swept along by or fighting against those forces? Firstly we can use the principle of non-contention as a flag to indicate the arising of habits of contention – “It shouldn’t be this way – I’m all wrong…” – to reflect instead: “Oh, contention, look at that” – we respond with waking up, knowing and transcending.
Take a step backwards and observe what triggers anger. The more skillful you can do this, the easier it is to avoid getting hooked into the downward spiral.
Building barriers and suppressing are alright short term - eventually barriers break and suppression takes energy...
Very very happy is charged at one end of the spectrum opposing very very sad... it may seem like a comfort at first but from very very high heights, one eventually falls, very very far...
Take it easy on yourself - it's natural to feel elation and success in realising a concept - it is not uncommon for this elation to fade and with it the attached significance to the elation... feeling foolish for expressing natural responses will likely feed back into the frustration and anger.
Go slow - be kind to yourself and dont give up... expect to fail as much as succeed, more perhaps - the closer you move to a solution, the more your mind will fight - it takes time and care - the rough being as much part of it as the smooth.
I have had somewhat similar experiences.. feeling like my practice went soooo well and then soon after find myself becoming very irritable.
There was a person who said to her guru.. "Ever since I started this spiritual practice I've become more angry.."
Guru said, "No you havent, you're simply becoming aware of your anger."
Also, even though you wake up with a busy mind, meditation is still helpful. Meditation is not having no thoughts, or making them stop, but not following them. When you watch a news ticker/scroller, you see what's there and then it's gone. That's how meditation works. You have a thought, and you acknowledge it and let it go. Then you might have another thought, let it go. Don't follow your thoughts to other thoughts and internal conversations. The more you practice, the slower your thoughts will come and the time between them will be longer. That's where you find the peace, between the thoughts. But it only comes with practice.
You find absolutely nothing and thus there is release.
Unknowingly giving substance to all things only aversion and attachment arise.
When you see absolute no thing then resting in that is complete freedom.