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"Lust" & "Anger/Revenge" ... How do you effectively stay away from it?
Here's what's happening...
Ever since I was younger, I went through puberty like everyone else. My curiosity was provoked, and I started looking at pictures that stimulated hormones in me. This grew... and slowly I started to want even more. This grew from simple "cute girls" to "revealing clothing"... and then slowly moving to the more adulterated versions as I grew older.
And I believe that this happens to a lot of people out there (not only I)...
The thing is... I can't get these feelings and cravings out of my head. I know that thoughts like these come from within me... A chemical and hormonal reaction. There's also the social conditioning and repeated habits. I mean, masturbation and all that are all going to come out as habits.
Even if you think about it in a "keep healthy, prevent prostate cancer" kind of way, it just sticks out that your stimulation is based on CRAVING these sexual feelings.
--- I masturbate (forgive my bluntness) nearly every weekend, or when I have a chance to, 1 time a day...
--- I'm someone who values romance a lot, but I start to think of lustful things about girls around me... (It's totally nasty)
--- I start getting excited whenever the conversations shift towards sexual things...
And that's the sexual, lust part.
---
The anger/revenge part, started when I was younger. My dad was the strong-type personality, so he would teach me to defend myself to avoid bullying... and his actions slowly seeped into me. Again, it starts growing like weeds inside of me... And whenever I feel like someone is coming against me in a very hostile manner, it seems very instinctive inside of me.
I often try to have tolerance, and hold in my anger with patience... but then, if the provocation becomes too overwhelming, I just *burst* out in wrath and anger, despite knowing that I need to control myself.
--- I once threw a chair across a classroom because someone had a water-fight when I was studying alone in the classroom...
--- I once punched a guy in the face and stomach because he was bullying someone else...
--- I often burst out in anger and send spiteful remarks at people whose behaviour are restricting my plans, and who are piling stress on top of me...
---
And this is the huge, huge weird part.
I meditate everyday. I understand how to "distance" myself from all of these emotions, and to see that all of these are just "sense experiences". In other times, I monitor myself in the Eightfold path... and I strictly regulate myself in all of these ways.
I even recently understood how it was to "forgive" even the most evil person you've ever met...
But understanding it doesn't seem to cut it. Even trying to uphold these values is futile.
As the Buddha stated, my principles in Buddhism are just like a tattered house. The rain is just going to come in, no matter what I do. Buddha also said that your interpretation of the situation CONTROLS the outcome...
But when I get into that moment, it's like addiction... It's like a really bad craving that you can't control. You go out of mind for a moment, and then... BOOM. You get lust... You get anger... You get suffering...
---
My fellow Buddhists... How would you solve this?
I'm really sure that I'm not the only one who's going through this. If you've been through this, how did you fix it? How do you steer yourself out of those moments... How do you enforce discipline in your instincts?
Ever since I was younger, I went through puberty like everyone else. My curiosity was provoked, and I started looking at pictures that stimulated hormones in me. This grew... and slowly I started to want even more. This grew from simple "cute girls" to "revealing clothing"... and then slowly moving to the more adulterated versions as I grew older.
And I believe that this happens to a lot of people out there (not only I)...
The thing is... I can't get these feelings and cravings out of my head. I know that thoughts like these come from within me... A chemical and hormonal reaction. There's also the social conditioning and repeated habits. I mean, masturbation and all that are all going to come out as habits.
Even if you think about it in a "keep healthy, prevent prostate cancer" kind of way, it just sticks out that your stimulation is based on CRAVING these sexual feelings.
--- I masturbate (forgive my bluntness) nearly every weekend, or when I have a chance to, 1 time a day...
--- I'm someone who values romance a lot, but I start to think of lustful things about girls around me... (It's totally nasty)
--- I start getting excited whenever the conversations shift towards sexual things...
And that's the sexual, lust part.
---
The anger/revenge part, started when I was younger. My dad was the strong-type personality, so he would teach me to defend myself to avoid bullying... and his actions slowly seeped into me. Again, it starts growing like weeds inside of me... And whenever I feel like someone is coming against me in a very hostile manner, it seems very instinctive inside of me.
I often try to have tolerance, and hold in my anger with patience... but then, if the provocation becomes too overwhelming, I just *burst* out in wrath and anger, despite knowing that I need to control myself.
--- I once threw a chair across a classroom because someone had a water-fight when I was studying alone in the classroom...
--- I once punched a guy in the face and stomach because he was bullying someone else...
--- I often burst out in anger and send spiteful remarks at people whose behaviour are restricting my plans, and who are piling stress on top of me...
---
And this is the huge, huge weird part.
I meditate everyday. I understand how to "distance" myself from all of these emotions, and to see that all of these are just "sense experiences". In other times, I monitor myself in the Eightfold path... and I strictly regulate myself in all of these ways.
I even recently understood how it was to "forgive" even the most evil person you've ever met...
But understanding it doesn't seem to cut it. Even trying to uphold these values is futile.
As the Buddha stated, my principles in Buddhism are just like a tattered house. The rain is just going to come in, no matter what I do. Buddha also said that your interpretation of the situation CONTROLS the outcome...
But when I get into that moment, it's like addiction... It's like a really bad craving that you can't control. You go out of mind for a moment, and then... BOOM. You get lust... You get anger... You get suffering...
---
My fellow Buddhists... How would you solve this?
I'm really sure that I'm not the only one who's going through this. If you've been through this, how did you fix it? How do you steer yourself out of those moments... How do you enforce discipline in your instincts?
0
Comments
Okay, so really I usually just react in anger and then feel bad afterwards...
But when I can I just try to take a look at it without wondering why it's there, without worrying it won't go away. Sometimes trying to sense the physical sensations works (sometimes it doesn't).
The important part is that I'm aware and walking a path that I think is going to lead me to a place where I can allow the feelings without grabbing onto them, thinking that they define me, or allowing them to manifest in actions. It takes patience.
And the lust thing - totally natural! You don't have to identify with those thoughts either. They'll come and go as long as you live, I'm pretty sure. I'm a major perv! I'm fortunate to be in a safe relationship that allows me to release energy regularly - but if I weren't, I would definitely masturbate regularly. I don't see anything morally wrong with that. If you're worried that your thoughts are an indicator that you're immoral, try to relax your idea that the thoughts have anything to do with you or your mind - thoughts are so freaking random!
Glad you're meditating, you seem to be on a great path.
Suppressing your natural inclination may have knock on effects on the rest of your psyche - suppression takes energy - it is tiring - it requires a certain sacrifice - the sacrifice carries a price.
Holding in your anger has its price - it would appear that you are unable to hold it in indefinitley - the result of this displeases you - perhaps you need to consider dealing with your anger in a different way.
Enforcing discipline requires 1) an enforcer AND 2) an inforcee - your proposition involves splitting your consciousness and then having it align in conflict with itself - one part enforcing and the other requiring enforcement - this sets the playing field ready for the game... win / lose... up / down... right / wrong... this / that - you're playing against yourself - when you win, you lose - when you lose, you win... neither the enforcer nor enforcee position is wholly adequate....
I appreciate your thoughts and reply!
However, I'm not really coming at this from a moral perspective... It's just such a huge indicator that I'm not following the Eightfold path or the words as given in the Dhammapada.
It's like I'm not making progress.
Buddha said that with a strong foundation, sexual thoughts will not seem appealing. (Reference: verse 14, under the "Twins" of the Dhammapada) But the big problem here, is that I find it appealing... And worse, I can't seem to break out of this sexual craving cycle.
Also, I'm going to try what you did with anger, and see if it works out.
I especially liked the last bit of the winner-loser "game" inside your head.
Same way with your practice. How would I solve your problem, if it was me? By reminding myself there is no solution other than what I am doing now. You are already solving your problem. Now the final ingredient is time.
Lust and anger. My, wouldn't the world be a better place if people found it easy or simple to deal with those two emotions.
Have you tried the metta bhavana practice? That might be helpful.
This includes letting them go or nurturing them. I'm working on this now and it is a long process. Try accepting and letting go in certain moments. Someone in the store runs into your back with a cart? That moment before reacting stop yourself and focus inwards. Evaluate and let go instead of getting upset and inwardly cursing that person.
thus i began to switch my mentality. Reasoned out stuff, find out reason why I'm like that.
Thus i realised importantly, I have to accept who I am. I have to acknowledge that i'm not perfect. I'm a happier person then.
Isometime violence for the right cause is fine. At least that's what i think, however buddha do mentioned that thoughts result to an action. Perhaps we have to reflect on what we did. It is for the better or worst.
In regards to lust. I think control is the key. Too much of everything's not good.
Divert attention from the self by taking care of, and loving other people.
Get this messaged tattooed on your arm so you don't forget. :thumbsup:
What happens when strong feelings & thoughts arise in your formal meditation?
How do you move your formal meditation into daily life?
by
M. O'C. Walshe
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/walshe/wheel225.html
Good article.
The Elimination of Anger
With two stories retold from the Buddhist texts
by
Ven. K. Piyatissa Thera
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/piyatissa/bl068.html
Another good article.
I would not be so hard on yourself. IMO, it's better to just practice to build a "strong foundation" instead of worrying about the end result so much.
Do you know what they do? They make them up.
There is no such thing as bi-polar disorder or chemical imbalance.
Chemical imbalance was a VERY clever marketing tactic and that is it. People really believe it too though no where can be found a "chemical" "imbalance" or "bipolar disorder".
It sounds easy though to be an individual and say.. "huh I don't really like where I am.. could be a chemical imbalance like the TV is always telling me about."
That is how they get new addicts.. for about every $1000 spent in their disturbing advertisements they get about 20 new addicts.
There is only one other country in the world besides the United States that allows such commercials like the ones we have here.
There hasn't been ANY life long studies with these "medications" they are creating.
Thorazine has life long studies on it now, that was about the first pharmaceutical created and started this hideous mess. That one is mainly for just keeping people lobotomized without doing surgery.
All of these others that have come out in the past couple decades..
nobody knows what is going to happen from extended usage of these drugs!
Sure some say, "Well you're not supposed to be on it for life.."
The companies definitely want you on it for life.
My mother has been on an anti-depressant for a few years and she has tried to stop but she can't. The withdrawals last months and months and put her out of commission.
If she could afford to not work and suffer in bed all that time then she'd probably get off of them.. maybe.
Most prescription drugs are pumped full of flouride too which crystalizes around the pineal gland which is an indivduals third eye.
Flouride is poison despite any such interaction with the pineal gland.
So in our lifetimes we will see the long term use effects that these drugs have.
We have already seen the short term. Hello Columbine and all the other school shootings performed by people on Paxil.
The suicides, the murders..
Putting faith or hope into individuals that don't give a shit about you, themselves, or anyone else is a terrible idea.
Best thing @compassion can do is to keep seeing Doctor Buddha.
The "anti-doctor" crowd make me so mad lol
Some people's brains don't function correctly. It's just a fact. Only a doctor can determine if this is the case with any individual.
Of course, it may not be an imbalance in the brain, it could be a problem with the thyroid for example. Only a doctor can find out what is going on with someone with such unusual rage, and it is always worth seeking the advice and opinion of a professional and ruling out any medical problems which may be underlying the moods.
That kind of anger isn't normal, and it doesn't sound like it's acceptable to the OP, but he's still having problems controlling it. This is a serious issue, whether it turns out to be medical or not, and one that deserves to be addressed by a professional.
All human beings strive for happiness, or freedom from suffering, but we more often than not seek to end our suffering through more suffering when we are held captive by our passions.
A passion begins with the provocation of the thought, then the conjunction of the thought with emotion, then the joining or agreement of the will with the thought. If the soul does not pull back at this point, the thought becomes a habit, and the mind is constantly preoccupied with the object of his passionate urge.
Finally, the person falls into the captivity of the urge, and rushes gladly and violently to satisfy it. For this reason, it is much better to cut off the sinful thought when it first rises up in us, before it turns into a sinful passion. Just as it is much easier to pull up a tree when it is a seedling than when it is full-grown, so it is much easier to cut off thoughts in the beginning.
It is a very good thing that you are aware that your passion is distancing you from inner stillness. You know that you are not your thoughts and that you always have the choice to engage with them or not. Having remorse is appropriate, but not self-condemnation as that leads to despair, or at least to depression
However, just acknowledging the passion is not enough. You must continue with your practice so that you can develop some space and slow things down. Continuing with the practice of going within and standing apart from thoughts, you will continue to shed layers of compulsive thought patterns.
I’m very familiar with this type of passion. When I a Buddhist I was habitually held captive by it too, but of course Buddhism wasn’t the cause. The practices I was engaged just weren’t effective for me, and intimate access to a qualified teacher for instruction wasn’t always easily available. I think this is the case for most, and they strive to do the best they can under the circumstances.
I don’t know if you are familiar with mantras. There is a simple prayer in the Eastern Orthodox Christian tradition that is similar to a mantra called the "Prayer of the Heart" or the "Jesus Prayer" that you can try.
For starters when the thought begins to surface recite the prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ Have Mercy on Me” repeated several times slowly with watchfulness. You can even use the breath as well as this is not uncommon.
Try to have the feeling that you are addressing a person and that he is listening. I know this may seem strange to you at first, but we are persons and we enter into relationships with other people, and even seek help from them. Which I think is the purpose of this forum for example. The fact remains you are a person and enlightenment is a personal experience.
Or you can just simply leave it.
We see sin as a thought, word, or deed that distances us from God. Your applying a legalistic framework about it that is prevalent in Western Christianity. We see things in a more holistic framework.
The purpose if you will of an Orthodox Christian is union or communion with God known as Theosis by the grace of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the enlightenment or illumination of God. Sin moves us further away from that union.
Also, the word sin is not absent from Buddhist writings. I had been a Buddhist for 20 years and have seen it used. It is a word, and no single attachment or claim can be made upon it.
Do negative actions produce suffering, or bring one closer to enlightenment?
I have offered helped, and I have asked questions, but have not heard back Perhaps you can help me. What are your thoughts on Tathagatagarbha and the three Kayas?
Most of them are there only to make money a common misconception people have is to think that they can trust what any doctor says because they are a "doctor".
Shakyamuni Buddha already pointed out what the problems are. It isn't the "brain".
Was it the problem of the brain before he was born? Will it be the problem after he dies?
You have too much hatred, you take these antidotes.. too much obsession.. practice these.. etc. etc.
No, a "doctor" isn't the only type of person who can find out why somebody has more anger than what the average is deemed to be.
He could seek out therapy/counseling.. nothing wrong with that.
You typed about how anti-doctor people make you so mad.. do you need a doctor to tell you why that is or is it pretty self explanatory?
Better go see Dr. Buddha @RebeccaS
As for me being mad at the anti doctor crowd, Dr. Buddha can definitely help out there
Thanks for all your helpful replies.
Maybe it was the goodwill shared by others in this thread... Or maybe it was a strange twist of fate, where my past karma sent me to the Dhammapada.
The stanzas / verses and the stories of Gautama's disciples seemed to relate to me on a very deep level when I read it, particularly the ones on lust and wrath...
It just clicked suddenly.
All of a sudden, there's a huge overflow of abundance (a little chilling to the body through my senses) and I suddenly have a huge awareness of the illusionary flickering mental and physical suffering of people around me.
There's an indescribable feeling of huge compassion throughout the whole day, of course, with myself heeding the "actively defend the mind like a city" advice given by Buddha to one of his disciples.
Lust just melted away. It's funny how, just a few days ago, I was struggling to keep my head off the vicious illusions of lust... until I've realized, in a deeper level, how impermanent the whole thing is.
The solution to lust, it seems, is to realize just how impermanent the target of your lust is... and how the body just ends up ageing... being diseased... and eventually burning away after rotting.
Anger just dissipated. It's strange how, just a few days ago, I was holding on to a brewing temper... until I've realized, in a deeper level, how harmful rage is to the unguarded mind, as compared to venting it at an illusionary target.
The solution to anger, it seems, is really compassion. I started rapidly meditating with the Loving-Kindness meditation, and I do believe that I have reached a certain level of metta.
I don't know why, but I have a huge deep "awareness" (it's not the Ego)... an awareness of my emotions and thoughts being that of a flickering flame. It's flickering constantly and its states change impermanently as societal conditioning shifts its shape. And once the illusion of the body disappears... the flame goes off.
And attachment to the material and the immaterial sends the flame burning again, with any one of the few fetters that bond us to "Mara" 's wheel of reincarnation.
My friends, I thank you a lot.
In fact, I've been thinking of going serious, and leading a monk's life, however I still have huge fetters that chain me to the material world, such as a family.