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Practicing buddhism in the army...
I'm actually a soldier in a compulsory army that my country forces me to participate in. I'm not comfortable with the idea of "fire" against "fire", but you could argue that the fact that an army exists is deterrent for evil forces... and that promotes peace and harmony for the people in the country so that more can practice the Dhamma.
So recently, I've settled into a unit and have underwent a gruelling basic military training. (really gruelling!)
As soldiers, we're expected to follow orders, and not to question our commanders.
It's either a "YES", or a "NO".
So what happens, is that I have an extremely unreasonable commander that is directly above me. He has told me, that he hates me. He graduated at a primary school level, and he can't seem to think "reasonably".
In many incidents, he would accuse me of doing a task badly by deliberately twisting the sentences in his orders. And when there is such "failure to comply with orders", as soldiers, we get punished. I get sent for guard duty and the detention barracks. I get punished with push-ups and all of that.
I used to think that, hey, it might be the differences in our languages. He understands and speaks English in a manner that someone like me who is "indoctrinated with precise English grammar" is unable to understand.
But then, he strikes again in a different manner. He does it over and over again...
And the huge problem with this is that I end up losing a lot of my time to these punishments. On weekends, I stay back to serve these punishments... And I can't help but think that it's the work of this man.
I self-reflected, and I asked my other bunk soldiers... and they all did not see what was going wrong. It seemed like this guy had a bad grudge against me. Even the other superiors were okay.
I tried to think of a diplomatic way to handle this... but the thing was by telling the superiors of this commander, firstly, this was going to bite back at me, as he was an extremely revengeful and aggressive person. Secondly, it would be a "breach of command" by skipping the hierarchy in an army. It's a crime.
Talking to him one-on-one also didn't work. Despite talking in a patient way, he does the same things to me again and again... It's like a one-sided violence...
I can't seem to quell my thoughts about this. I used to be passive about this... but it's steadily getting into my head. It's recent, but I start having a lot of negative thoughts about him... Like...
"He's out to get me..."
"What does he want again?"
"It's another scheme of his..."
The thing is... BEFORE i had these thoughts, there was no change at all. He just kept his personal attacks on me... and I just accepted it. Things didn't change... so these thoughts started to creep in like facts.
It did occur to me that he may be a little mentally unsound... He would do crazy things like:
--- Throw sharp blades at recruits (in the past)
--- Drinking the sap of a money plant to impress people
--- Eating DUST in front of us...
How would you handle this as a follower of the Dharmma?
So recently, I've settled into a unit and have underwent a gruelling basic military training. (really gruelling!)
As soldiers, we're expected to follow orders, and not to question our commanders.
It's either a "YES", or a "NO".
So what happens, is that I have an extremely unreasonable commander that is directly above me. He has told me, that he hates me. He graduated at a primary school level, and he can't seem to think "reasonably".
In many incidents, he would accuse me of doing a task badly by deliberately twisting the sentences in his orders. And when there is such "failure to comply with orders", as soldiers, we get punished. I get sent for guard duty and the detention barracks. I get punished with push-ups and all of that.
I used to think that, hey, it might be the differences in our languages. He understands and speaks English in a manner that someone like me who is "indoctrinated with precise English grammar" is unable to understand.
But then, he strikes again in a different manner. He does it over and over again...
And the huge problem with this is that I end up losing a lot of my time to these punishments. On weekends, I stay back to serve these punishments... And I can't help but think that it's the work of this man.
I self-reflected, and I asked my other bunk soldiers... and they all did not see what was going wrong. It seemed like this guy had a bad grudge against me. Even the other superiors were okay.
I tried to think of a diplomatic way to handle this... but the thing was by telling the superiors of this commander, firstly, this was going to bite back at me, as he was an extremely revengeful and aggressive person. Secondly, it would be a "breach of command" by skipping the hierarchy in an army. It's a crime.
Talking to him one-on-one also didn't work. Despite talking in a patient way, he does the same things to me again and again... It's like a one-sided violence...
I can't seem to quell my thoughts about this. I used to be passive about this... but it's steadily getting into my head. It's recent, but I start having a lot of negative thoughts about him... Like...
"He's out to get me..."
"What does he want again?"
"It's another scheme of his..."
The thing is... BEFORE i had these thoughts, there was no change at all. He just kept his personal attacks on me... and I just accepted it. Things didn't change... so these thoughts started to creep in like facts.
It did occur to me that he may be a little mentally unsound... He would do crazy things like:
--- Throw sharp blades at recruits (in the past)
--- Drinking the sap of a money plant to impress people
--- Eating DUST in front of us...
How would you handle this as a follower of the Dharmma?
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Comments
What I'm thinking is don't expect him to be reasonable, don't act like he's being unreasonable. Grin and bear it, or it'll just end up staying bad. Maybe he has a problem with your attitude because he's an ass and expects you to just do what you're told without any problem whatsoever... so just do that. It'll suck, but better to not fight him if that's how he is. Be the perfect yes-man/soldier.
He might be doing it because he sees it getting to you, so go out of your way to make it look like it doesn't get to you. He'll get bored with you just like any bully would. It's unfortunate that you're in a sticky situation where you have to follow his orders, but what else can you do?
It might have been my academic background... or it might be my looks maybe... But I certainly never acted in any kind of behaviour that would piss him off. It doesn't make sense...
I'm lost. Four walls around me and I can't do a thing, except appreciate the fact that this situation is only going to last for over 6 more months and that it's impermanent.
How would you handle a wild situation like that? I've been bearing with him for nearly 8 months now... It grips me like a vice every damn day, and so do my fellow soldier mates. It's so stressful keeping on your toes around him.
Just do your best, and don't stress yourself out if it's not good enough for him. You can't do better than your best, right? Let him be the one stressed out if he has a problem. It can only get better I think.
You are not in this situation through choice - this is enforced on you - your will is irrelevant - you are a prisoner - 6 months might as well be 600 years - put it out of your mind and work on the here and now - in prison, there is no release, there is no tomorrow, no outside world.
Deal with it as a prisoner would - they can't touch your essence inside - it is and always will be - your body will be forged with the iron of your will... keep your head down - do what youre told - keep eye contact for confrontation only otherwise take the silent unseen path - dont expect anything back but pain, suffering, humiliation - suck it up - take your punishment and undertake it mindfully - convert it to your needs - do your pressups until your chest swells to a barrel - scrub the floor like its never been cleaner... keep your head up - remember that there are many who endure this plight with no end...
I'll do it as you suggested. (I've been doing it too)
I have tried being "happy" in the past, and he apparently didn't like me "smiling". He didn't like me looking "neutral" either. And apparently he doesn't like me looking "grumpy" when taking orders.
So how the heck am I supposed to look? Maybe I should just not let him see my face at all. It's gotten to the point I've just numbed to him.
I guess I'll just bear with it with patience. It's tough, tiring and stressing me out. It's wearing the heck out of me.
But i guess it's something that happens with bad karma from a previous existence. Maybe he had a grudge against me in the past. I've been thinking about it... and if I could see planes of existences, I'd be able to tell.
He's a total control freak though... so removing his effect of power is going to render me a "rebellious" soldier. (which I'm already labelled as, despite following his orders, for goodness sake)
I just can't wait to get out of here now... I guess I'll focus on the positive side of things for now, and continue practicing the Dharma.
------
Thanks Zero.
That was really insightful...
You two gave me really valuable advice, and I appreciate it a lot. You guys are going to be awesome people...
Pardon my lack of experience in the military but isn't it his job to break your independance. How else could we have armies of folk willing to do the unthinkable that those same folks would not have been willing to do before joining up? Do you think he is just feeling your resistance to being broken? Are you supposed to be allowing your self to be broken in order to be rebuilt into a military blueprint?
Is your suffering the resistance to being broken? Would you have more compassion for your instructor if you saw him as just doing his job and that there may not be anything personal in his actions towards you?