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What do you do when....
someone close to you is constantly making reference to God and Jesus everytime you talk to them about something going on in your life? Let me try to explain......I am going through a bit of a stressful situation right now, and I have two people in my life that I am very close to that I am talking to about this issue of mine. These two people are wonderful, wonderful people and they are both very Christian. So while I appreciate all of their advice and help and support, I am just not sure what to say to them when they say things to me like "lean on Jesus because He is our Lord and Savior and He died on the cross for our sins and rose again...He will lead and guide you!" etc, etc, etc!!
How should I handle this? Do I just listen to what they say without telling them that's not really what I believe in? I don't want to offend, but I just don't know what to say to those things. I also want them to know what I DO believe in.
Any good advice?
Kim
How should I handle this? Do I just listen to what they say without telling them that's not really what I believe in? I don't want to offend, but I just don't know what to say to those things. I also want them to know what I DO believe in.
Any good advice?
Kim
0
Comments
Maybe just let them know that you don't really believe that doing "that" (leaning on Jesus) is going to resolve this issue. That you don't really believe in Jesus and that even Jesus taught that sometimes you actually have to do something.
I will have that bridge to cross pretty soon with my In-laws.
-bf
I have only a couple of suggestions, but I don't know if any of them would suit so....
Here goes....
One would be to smile sweetly and say 'Well that's great - whatever works for you!!" and just let them talk themselves into a corner, without adding anything else...
The second option would be to say..."Yes, that's very interesting, but do you know what Buddhists suggest? because that's what I am following, right now....." and explain your point of view....
The third would be to tell them that you really appreciate their helpful advice, but that is not your way....
Sometimes, you just have to grit your teeth and speak your mind.....
Good Luck.
Good one!
My wife can't get over the fact that I no longer believe in God, even though she has had a while to get used to the idea. It's actually avery touchy subject in our house. Go with your gut! I no longer feel uncomfortable telling people that I don't buy into that myth anymore. Not saying that he wasn't a spiritual master, but it's my opinion that the truth regarding the person is greatly exagerated. I came to understand that he was killed by the powers in charge at the time, his followers taught that he died for the sins of the world ( the blood of the lamb concept ) as a proof that the scriptures had been fulfilled through him. At that time there were many messianic claims, it's no surprise that one took hold.
I'd do the same thing...politely tell them that I am 'Born again'...they seem to go away after that.
Fede - I like your second option the best. I want them to know what I believe in now and it is important to me that they understand that even though we disagree on this subject, I don't value their opinoins any less. My husband always tells me that I worry too much about offending people. Sometimes, I just need to have more "guts" when it comes to this stuff!
Not sure exactly what to tell you, as I don't know the details of your situation. But in general, I would say something in affirmation of both your and their spiritual practices.
You could say something like, "yes, it is wonderful to have a refuge in difficult times. If it weren't for my practice, I don't know what I'd do." You could tell them how the lovingkindness displayed by Jesus is quite inspiring and how selflessness and unconditional love is part of your practice. That may just prompt them to start asking questions as to just what your practice is.
If I were in you shoes, though, I would be hesitant to give too much info, as I wouldn't want to become my friends' new project to save from eternal damnation. Then again, I also wouldn't want to hide my beliefs from them.
_/\_
metta
Maybe you need to start with putting a nice big Buddha in your living room.
They can't miss it. They should even ask why you have something like that in your living room. Then you can tell them.
Unless they're used to ignoring the grey elephant in the living room.
-bf
"You'll be saved, I was saved, we all SAVEDD!! by Jesus, HE DA SAAAVIOR" or words to that effect..
i kinda dont bother with him anymore.. he comes up with weird arguements for why God exists.. i.e dinosaurs in the bible.. how come there's nothing in the universe that's unexplainable.. or unknown. the universe is complete and theres no missing gaps.. monkeys are an insult to me so im not evolved from them .. scientific laws approve this and that .. (laws r theories.. cough)
blah blah blah
i avoid seeking advice from christians.. i dunno.. i find that theres really no one in my life that can offer me advice.. i mean really.. by seeking peace in my mind and clearing my mind and embracing my thoughts,feelings.. i can get better answers from myself than my parents or friends..
I have 2 big Buddha's in my living room and one in my bedroom! And I have told both of them that I am Buddhist. But their comments like that keep coming. Like not1 said, I think they feel like I am a "lost sheep" that they need to save.
That's a good one too!
If this couple were regularly making references to Jesus and God as an expression of their own beliefs, in terms of how they would handle things, or how they do handle things, I wouldn't say anything, nor would I feel a need to have to emphasize that I'm on a different path. But if it was obvious that they were making these references so often because they have an agenda, perhaps to get me to ask them about God so they can have an opportunity to share the gospel, then I would give them that opportunity. It is important to them, and it probably will keep nagging at them as a duty until they have the opportunity to do it. So, I might say, "I notice you have been making a lot of references to God. It seems like that is an important part of your life, and I feel like you want to share something with me. Is that so?"
If they said yes and then "shared the Gospel" with me, I would listen to it and then probably respond in a way which affirmed some of the essential values of their beliefs while also relating them to my own spiritual practice. Say, talking about metta, as Not1Not2 suggested, or about tonglen and its relation to Christian kenotic agape.
Although this may not be your "thing," I have found that when I give missionary types room to share, and then maybe respond back with some theological questions of my own -- particularly those which may stump them, such as the relationship between Buddhist doctrine of pratitya-samutpada and the Christian doctrine of the perichoresis of the Trinity -- they may engage with me for awhile, but then they'll leave me alone afterwards. (Though some eventually have taken up Buddhist study and practice!)
That's a tough one because no one likes upsetting those that are close to them.
Maybe you should try the "Regan" routine from the Exorcist.
-bf
If a devout Catholic came to you asking for advice, or was simply relating things that were going on in their life, would you repeatedly tell them that they needed to take refuge in the Three Jewels and follow the Buddhist Path? I imagine your answer is "no, of course not". Why not?
When you answer that question you may see these friends in a different light. My honest opinion would be to stop talking to them about any challenges in your life whatsoever. They do not have your well being or your interests in mind. They have only their need to be right in mind.
On one side, the jewel is beautifully inscribed:
THANK YOU FOR NOTICING ME;
WHAT YOU SUGGEST FITS FOR ME RIGHT NOW,
SO MY ANSWER IS
"YES"
on the other side is, just as beautifully, inscribed:
THANK YOU FOR NOTICING ME;
WHAT YOU SUGGEST DOES NOT FIT FOR ME RIGHT NOW,
SO MY ANSWER IS
"NO"
#
The important thing is that you maintain your own balance on the Path. "Thank you for the advice, now can we get on with unblocking this sink," seems to work well for me.
"Why does this bother you? Here are two people expressing the depth of their faith, showing their love and concern for you in a difficult time. "
What would Buddha have done? Maybe you (and I at some point) need to just view this as concern, love and compassion that these people feel for you.
You take refuge in the Dharma. You find a wealth of peace in the teachings of Buddha.
I think maybe I would just look at the spirit in which these comments are given and realize, at their root, they truly do care for you.
Maybe not. But maybe they do. Maybe you (I) just need to change our point of view.
Whatcha think?
-bf
Beautiful!
I see what you are saying, but one person I am referring to is my very best friend, and she is one person in my life that I have always gone to with challenges in my life, so I would rather tell her how I am feeling than just stop going to her.
Yoda, I understand what you are saying.
But, I'm thinking (for myself also) that: why do we feel that we need someone to respect my beliefs? They will still be our beliefs no matter how they act. What does HHDL do when the Pope says, "God bless you, Dali."?
I find myself spending more and more time looking at how I perceive things, and does my perception incorporate Right View. I find myself spending more time subduing "what I think should happen" and "what I think is right".
I believe that, if in peace and harmony, you feel that you can share your feelings with these people, it shouldn't be a bad thing. But, maybe you need to change something so that this doesn't bother you so much. Ego? Desire? Expectations? Self?
You know I'm stating these thought to you in the most positive and supportive way possible, deary.
-bf
What your friends are really saying is "...we have the same pain as you and we have experienced temporary relief from the pain by taking this drug called ignorance. We blindly accept God's will and so should you."
When viewing this with compassion, you can see your friends (who care for you) are suffering. They are coping with - but not solving - the problem at hand. You love them, but can you feel their pain?
You don't have to say anything. Your silence and loving acceptance of them will speak volumes about your Buddhist path. And it will preserve your friendship which is more beneficial than any advice.
::
Buddhists, it seems, take more responsibility for themselves, the taming of their mind, realizing what is good and true - instead of always having to be forgiven for coming up short.
-bf
Right On!! :bigclap:
YES!!! And that is what I was trying to explain to my husband last night when we were talking about this. He said the same thing you are saying about how they turn to God/Jesus instead of dealing with their real problems. So should I not say anything? The only reason I was going to say somehting is because I want them to know what I believe in, and what path I follow because I just don't want them to think they can turn me into a Christian. Is it necessary to say anything??
Where do you see the conflict ending?
This is how I look at it right now - and this isn't my situation, so I may be full of shit.
It seems that YOU are having the problem. You want them to respect your decision to be a Buddhist. You want them to stop telling you to rely on Jesus/God. You want them to know and recognize what you believe in.
All of those statements start with "you want..."
Is this desire for "your wants" - your desire for them to acknowledge you're a Buddhist - really that important?
You know the truth about you. You have the ability to see through your "self" and to see what is Right.
I think you will mull this over and come to a conclusion that is right for you. A conclusion that brings you peace. I know you got it in ya.
-bf
You are right....I will mull this over for a few more days and then decide if I even need to say anything.
I knew I could come to all of you for excellent advice. Thank you all very much!
Like saying:-
"Yes, i know how great you feel about your 'thang', but now I want to tell you how great I feel about mine!"
it's a natural bubbling enthusiasm we have, about telling anyone who'll listen about what a great time we're having....
This is in no way implied as criticism, Yogamama, but I remember now, as BF nudged my few still-intact braincells, that this is how I felt when I first understood that Buddhism was what I wanted to follow....
Perhaps you too just want to share your great stuff - !!
Start with -
"Now if I could just get a word in edgeways.....!!"
Some really great posts in this thread, though.....
I just hold all of us to a higher standard of thought, seeking, evaluation, etc. - since we DO take refuge in the Three Jewels.
-bf
-bf
They are more than willing and happy to "press" you into being a Christian. They are more than willing to tell you what they feel you need to know. They have no problem going out on a limb to evangelize something to you, time after time after time after time.
And yet... their teachings leave no room for respect of other's beliefs. I'm pretty much guessing here that THAT is NOT how YOU want to be...?
Am I the only one that sees the ironing in this?
-bf
.....Is this another of your quaint 'new world' phrases, like:-
"Pushing the Envelope", and "Running it up the flagpole"....
These two, and other phrases are entering the english language this side of the Pond, as part of active current 'Business-Speke'....
http://www.pacificovertures.com/BizJargon.html
I know for a fact, this list has been published at several Business Head Offices, for distribution to members of staff, particularly in companies who have Trans-Atlantic dealings...
Sorry, YM... i'm a bit apt to go off-topic today...I apologise....
Buy two large lions, and give them dinner.
Sorted.
Heck, if the Romans could do it...
I don't think she realizes it, but she is effectively being very disrespectful to you and your beliefs. You have expressed your choice of religion to her, and she has not honored your choice. If she is truly your friend, then your relationship will survive you telling her how you feel. Be honest, be respectful, but tell her that this is bothering you. In the New Testament Christian tradition this is the custom (if you feel someone has wronged you, you tell them so. If they do not right the wrong, then avoid them). Do not let this activity foster any hostility or ill will in you. If you want to keep your friendship in good condition, you need to be open and honest with her.
I hope things get better for you.
_/\_
metta
P.S.- as an interesting aside, I remember coming accross a sutra (most likely Mahayana) where it was said the buddha preached a sermon and each man heard him in his own native tongue. This is strikingly similar to what was reported of the Christian Apostles in Acts, and it is considered a fruit of the (Holy) Spirit.
Nope. Buddhafoot just doesn't know how to spell the word "irony".
It's been interesting so far...
At the end of the day though, Yogamama, don't go losing any sleep over this...providing you are Mindful, and you're conscious of Right View/Intention/Speech/Action (you know where this is going, right....?
Let us know how you get on though...When are you scheduled to see this person or people again....?
What are you concerned will happen....?
Sure, you should, but don't expect it. But I was thinking about that Golden Rule thing, and and that's probably not how she's looking at it. Assuming she believes that everyone who doesn't believe in Jesus is going to hell, then she probably looks at her actions as highly compassionate. She might think, 'If I was going to suffer in hell for eternity, I'd want someone to help me out, no matter how hard their beliefs were to accept'. So we have some compassion here, but little wisdom and little genuine empathy. Be grateful that your friend cares about you.
Still, this situation would best for your friendship if you got your feelings out in the open with her. Otherwise you are going to be struggling with this indecision as long as her behavior continues. So, do you see her stopping this anytime soon?
Anyway, this is a delicate situation. Treat it with great care, whatever you do. And don't forget that not taking actions has its own negative consequences. So, what do you really want?
_/\_
metta
I had a chat with my friend and it went so well. I am so happy with how it went. Basically, I told her how happy I was that she has been able to find refuge in God and Jesus (she is going through a tough time right now) and I told her that I didn't know what I would do without my practice, and I went on to tell her a little bit about Buddhism and how it has helped me in life. I kept it fairly brief, and just told her that although our beliefs were different now, I did not want that to get in the way of our friendship. She thanked me for telling her about my beliefs, and also agreed that our beliefs are personal and will not have any effect on our friendship. Then we both agreed to respect each others beliefs and to continue on with our wonderful friendship. Then she thanked me for sharing everything with her. So, thanks to all of you for your advice. I am so happy I talked to her about this.
-bf